Is it harder to be the mother of a son than a daughter?

Question

As the mother of a beautiful 11 month old little boy, I often wonder this.

Men have so much to live up to. They have to be the breadwinner, the provider. They cannot show weakness. This even starts when they are little ie "boys don't cry". When little girls fall and cut their knees they are cuddled and fussed over, but little boys are encouraged to be tough about it.

I worry for my son. I worry whether I will bring him up to be a strong man or whether because I love and adore him so much I will over protect him.

I'm not a single mum so my son has his dad as well to guide him but I am the one who does most of his caretaking and so I worry that I will "do it wrong!".

Answer 1

I have two of each and I treat them the same. Technically, you are supposed to fuss over the boys because it surrounds them in love and they feel protected. He won't grow up to be a baby...he will just have a new respect for women and what they go through as mothers. He will be a strong person as an adult because he was cared for and loved by you.

Answer 2

Are men really still expected to be the breadwinner? Even in 2007 I don't think this is true in many cases, and in another 20 years time, it is likely to be even less the case. And in terms of men being allowed to show emotions - that has changed a lot in recent years as well. Maybe it will be encouraged in 20 years time.

I will encourage all my children, male or female, to not make a huge fuss over the tiniest bump, and I will cuddle them both and make a fuss when they really hurt themselves.

I think that boys are harder when they are younger because they are wild, but teenage girls are just a nightmare, for a number of years!

Answer 3

Daughters are much more complicated, you know where you stand with a boy, whereas girls are sneaky and cunning (practise for adulthood!) You should re-read your last 2 paragraphs, and split the difference i.e give him a cuddle but don't fuss rather than just encouraging him to "be tough", a bit of both in other words. This way he won't be emotionally cold when he's older and will have compassion for others when they experience hurt. My Daughter was never mollycoddled but my niece was, the upshot is that my niece is scared of everything and could not be allowed out of the house unaccompanied whereas my daughter now rides to school in confidence by herself (they are both nearly 10). Your child's personality will also predispose them to what reaction they want/need from you. In any case I'm sure he will grow up well as you obviously love him very much and want the best for him. Good Luck to you both x

Answer 4

No.. each is different but both are human - (though that's another debate in the case of adult males ;-) sorry boys!) both have hormones and need to learn the same basics.
Yes in some ways they do have a lot to grow into but we live in a world of equality now and people have high expectations of females too.
There is nothing wrong with boys crying if it hurts it hurts!
You will find your little fellow will amaze you and yes it is a relieve when you teach them how to get up and brush off their hands (clothes can be washed!) and sometimes they do it themselves.
You can do both for your son over protection at that age is not an issue but if I see you doing it when he's ten I will back him up when he tells you to put the hankie or wet wipes away ;-)

Answer 5

Some mothers might disagree with you and say that girls are harder to raise than boys, for different reasons or course. I think it's really a toss-up. It's hard to raise children -- period! How they turn out depends a lot on their upbringing, but you sound like a very conscientious mother who will do her best. If you're a single mom, your son may benefit from an adult male who can be a role model for him. But if you have a husband, he will also share with you, the responsibility of bringing up your son to be a fine, strong young man with ethics and principles. Good luck, dear!

Answer 6

I have heard over and over that boys are easier. I have boys and they have been, honestly, just terrific.

Just bring your son up to be true to himself. Encourage whatever interests he has, provide opportunities for him to learn and explore whatever interests him. In this way, he will truly become who he is meant to be.

Also, the world is changing. Men can marry strong, independent women that are the breadwinners and they can stay home, or they can be single dads or perhaps he and his wife will both work.

They'll figure it all out. Just encourage him to be himself.

When you start to get into discipline areas (about 18 months) a great book is "Parenting with Love and Logic" - it's really loving and encouraging to the child and they wind up being very respectful and responsible.

Answer 7

NO in a lot of ways it can be easier ,you can bring your son up just as easily as a man would,it is not all about making them strong and tough as this seems to come naturally to most boys when testosterone kicks in during puberty,as long as you have a good and loving bond with your son it shouldn,t make any difference,just be prepared and open with him when it comes to talking about hormones and body changes when he finally starts puberty(a long way away yet)he may not always want to discuss these things with you that easily but be prepared to let him know that he can be open with you when the time comes.as for over protecting him you would do just the same with a daughter,boys don,t seem to give you as many worries as a girl does.

Answer 8

No, it's not. I have found that it has been easier to be a mother of a daughter than a son. You also need to not worry about the ideas that our society has about how men "should be." Raise your son the way that you think is right, not what our society thinks is right. A little over protecting never hurt anyone... just love him and care for him. Raise him to be a good person, don't worry about the rest.

Answer 9

My sons were encouraged to express their feelings and worries, which they mostly always still do to me. I let my daughter do all the 'boy' things she wanted to do. She had a train set, her big brother had a doll. It was harder with the boys in some ways, because there is more temptation for a boy to be a man, which can include fighting, sex, drink etc but for a girl to be a girl its all pretty things, sleepovers etc. But my daughter did football and fighting. Boys considered her one of the boys.
Its a bloody lottery really. as long as you teach him right from wrong, set a good example, and love him whatever, he should turn out ok. (My doll loving boy is now a dad, so the practice came in useful!)

Answer 10

Yoru son will grow up to be a fine man no doubt boys need love just as much as girls if you show them love they will show love back.
I have a girl and a boy and i treat them both the same they both have their moments where they can be good, bad, mard, independant it's all part of them growing up. I wouldn't say it's harder being a mother to a son than a daughter just different as their are different things to teach them when they are teenagers.
try not to worry too much about how you are raising your son and enjoy it as they dont stay babies long enough