how can both parents be involved in children lives if one works all the time?

Question

i know how some women choose to stay home with their children b/c they feel its the right thing to do...meanwhile, your spouse is working long hours, by the time he gets home, the kids are probably getting their baths or in bed...children need some time with their father...how is it possible, if the husband has to work to support the household. the father shouldnt be used as someone to bring home the income. if husband and wife worked opposite shifts/hours, the children will be comfortable with both parents. the child wouldnt look at his/her father as an ATM machine when they get older. it takes two to make them, so it should take two to raise them. so many ppl talk down on working moms because they are missing out on their children growing up...what about the fathers who work 24/7, so that wives can stay home. dont you think they want to spend time with their children too? are working fathers appreciated? it clearly takes two incomes nowadays to make it..why put all that pressure

on the man.

lorelie....having two incomes doesnt mean that the 2nd income is spent on material things. having two incomes means that you are contributing to the home. cellphone, credit card, and playstations are material things, but you dont have to buy them because there is extra money in the house. why let the husband do all the providing? if someone does have a higher education, they will have a better paying job..is that the way to thank your husband...by saying thanks for getting a college degree, so i can stay home and take care of home...come on now.

another thing..what is so wrong with daycare, if you have to work. ppl say horrible things to moms who put their child in daycare...as if its abandoment. if daycare was wrong, they wouldnt be in business. daycare provides for the children, while the parents have to earn money to provide for home. you dont have to stay home every waking hr to prove to the world that you are great mom. having a career is not selfish by any means. why let your life your end...you can still be with your children...working moms with children and sahm children are no different. children will not love their parents any less because they both work.

R...u made some good points...i like the way you think.

Answer 1

SOME BODY NEEDS TO TAKE TIME OFF OR FIND A JOB ..WHERE YOU CAN SEE THE KIDS MORE OFTEN

Answer 2

I understand the concern and unfortunately in today's world it seems that you cannot survive without 2 incomes. I am a father and I am also the sole income earner. I would say it is hard to work and be a father too but it is doable. what I have done is to make a routine, like I play certain games when i get home and i do the putting to bed. Sure i am well beat but it is worth it. I think for each family it is different. Most often I think that we live far beyond our income. If we try to live more simply we might not need the long hours.
I say that because that is what I have done and it has been working. In general fathers are marginalized but although I spend less physical time with my child I am still very influential in its life. I make the most of the quality time i do get to spend. Everyone is different but I would not say that the solution is to work 2 jobs or to work long hours unless both parties can honestly come to an agreement.
Else either way may end in divorce and that just makes it worse for everyone

Answer 3

I stay at home with my children and they still see their father all the time. That is the benefit of getting a good education and a good job.
My husband takes my children to school in the mornings so, he sees them from 6 am - 8 am. He starts work at 8:30 am. Then he gets home at 5 pm. The children don't go to bed until 8:30 pm. That is 5 1/2 hours a day that he sees them on the weekdays.
He also has every weekend off. So, add Saturday and Sunday. Sounds like plenty of time to me.
I advocate stay at home mothers (fathers). I pick up my children every single day from school. I am always here for them. I help them with their homework, they don't have to go to daycare, and I know where they are at all times.
I have to argue that it takes two incomes today to make it. If you get a good job (after getting a good education!) and you spend your money wisely then there is no need for two parents to work. Everyone today is all about material things.
Half of the stuff you don't really need, they are mostly luxuries. Like you don't need a credit card. I've never had one and I don't need one. You also don't need a plasma TV, the newest Playstation, ipod, cell phone, etc. It is all junk and just ends up in the trash one day.
I think my kids would rather have their mom at home with them than a new playstation game.

Answer 4

A couple ways it might be possible, though not exactly easy.

My husband and I both work, I work during the day and he works the evening shift. This has worked really well for us. Not only does he get to spend time with his little girl, but it saves us fromhaving to pay for a sitter. I think this is one of the best situations a couple can try if thy both choose to work.

The downside...I miss my husband and really only get to see him on the weekend, so we're more like tag teaming instead of working together

NOW, I AM attempting to become a stay at home mom within a couple years, ( hubby is also taking classes on line to finish college) simply b/c I can't stand missing my daughter all day long and we are expecting number 2 and I want my husband to have some hair left by the time they graduate. IF this gets to happen and he keeps the same hours then the kids will get mom and dad during the day, and then daddy goes to work around dinner time.

This is what we hope for!

BTW I have a college degree too, it makes a wonderful FALL BACK in case it is needed, I feel it was by NO means wasted!

Answer 5

Okay, first of all, I have nothing whatsoever against families where both parents work, or against putting kids in high-quality daycare. If your question is a serious one and not just an expression of disapproval of stay-at-home parents:

I'm a stay-at-home mom, and my husband works pretty long hours (roughly 12 hour days) at a job he loves. However, he's not working long hours just because I'm staying home ... he worked long hours before we had kids, and wouldn't change his career just because I decided to go back to work. My former career also had me working 14+ hour-days before having kids, so if I continued working the result would be that nobody would be home for most of the kids' day. Yes, we could probably find high-quality child care, and I'm sure the kids would be fine. But neither my husband nor I would personally be happy with the situation.

As to the kids not being comfortable with their dad or seeing him as an ATM ... it sure doesn't work that way in our family. My husband leaves very early in the morning to make sure that he's home for dinner and an evening with the kids ... even if that means he has to work more at night after they go to sleep. He volunteers at their school and shows up for school parties, etc. If he has to work weekends, he does it when the kids are asleep. The net effect is he's very tired, but a very good dad. The kids adore him. Is he (and all his hard work) appreciated? You bet he is -- by both me and the kids. And you know what? He appreciates what I do, putting my own career on hold to stay home to raise the kids.

Is it the only right way to manage a family? Of course not. But it certainly works out well for us.

EDIT -- to the person who wonders what's the point of going to college if you're going to stay at home with your kids ... let's see, I worked 5 years with my law degree. I've stayed home with my kids and will do so till the youngest is in school. Then I'll have another, say, 20 years left of my working life to use my degree again. I see 25 years of being a lawyer as using my degree!

Answer 6

If you're talking about not having any father figure in the home, my opinion is no. If you're talking about having a father figure in the home, then as long as the same father is there continuously.....yes. I had a daughter that had two children by two different fathers. The father of the last child was around for potty training and such for the first child (while expecting the second one). My daughter passed away and the father of the first child took custody of the child. It was like my son-in-law lost half his family at once. Everyone is adjusting but it has been a long hard road. I think a child can adjust to the idea of two or more dads, but they need one stable father figure no matter who the real dad is.

Answer 7

i agree with you to an extent. It is not reasonable to think that parents can allways get jobs on opposite shifts. My wife and i both have degrees in jobs that make us work days, She is a SAHM right now but will go back to work when our daughter goes to school. I do know some stay at home moms that their husbands works like three jobs to support the family and he is never home. I do work two jobs but my main job is M-F 9-5 then one night a week i work and Saturday i work in the eveing. I am home most nights i feed my daughter and put her to bed. On Sunday we go to church and we go and do family things. Money is really tight and we don't have alot of wiggle room but we are able to manage. So if the dad is allways working and the mom is staying home yes she should go to work but if it is like our situatuion let the mom stay home and avoid daycare when your child can't even talk and tell you if something happend.

Answer 8

It is not possible for both parents to be involved in the children's lives if one works all the time.

One thing I don't get is why a mother would choose to stay home after getting a college degree. All the money you spent on a college education and you choose to stay home full time.
I stayed home for a year after having my oldest son and middle son.

What was the point of the mother going to college if she is going to choose to stay home for five years or more
(after the child(ren) are in all day kindergarten or first grade).

My son's are nine, six, and three and I am pregnant with baby
# 4. I started working from home when my youngest son was six months.

Whether the mother went to college or not I feel it is to stressful on the husband (or wife) to be the only provider for the household. I also hope that mothers have something to fall back on (college degree or work experience) in case of a divorce or the death of her husband.

Answer 9

first thing; i'm all for working moms. but my husband is a truck driver, and even with my college degree it is almost impossible for me to find a job that will work around his totally varying schedule. why choose to stay home with the kids? because it's better for the kids. kids with stay at home moms are more well rounded, social, happy kids. my husband is gone for a week at a time, and he still spends time with our sons. both of them are really into daddy time, and it's all the more special to them since he's not around so much. there is no way you'd ever catch me sending my sons to day care just so i could be selfish and have a career; at the same time someone else is raising my children. sure, we could use the money, but it's not essential either. you know, there are stay at home moms who don't knock working moms... there are those of us who have done both. i worked before having my second son, and it was a lot harder on my son than when i was staying home. my husband and i have done different shifts, and it was hard on our marriage because we never saw each other. our strained marriage affected our son, too. a lot of stay at home moms have good reason to stay home, and some of us are just plain old fashioned. nothing wrong with that. really you shouldn't knock us moms who feel that we are doing right by our kids, we don't knock the moms who feel THEY are doing right by their kids by working. as moms, we do what is right for our individual families. what might be right for you might not be for me. no reason to make harsh judgements.

Answer 10

i have two kids 3 and 1 1/2 their dad works, what i try is to extend the hours so when dad comes home he'll have a bit more time with them, he can also be the one to do the night time routine, bath, story. And i mention him constantly troughout the day. And we try to make the most out of weekends.Dont listen to what other ppl say everyone tries to do their best as they can

Answer 11

set aside certain hours of the day, or days of the week, that the parent who works most often will get to spend with the child, that way they can have some bonding time.