My Mother in Law mary is annoyed that she was expected to pay for her own meal at a restaurant...the meal was organised by her daughter for HER daughter Jos 18th Birthday. There were various family members invited and some friends...everyone was asked to attend and then expected to pay for their own meal...my MIL feels that her daughter and her husband should have offered to pay for her dinner...she feels that she spent a lot on Jos present and that when asked to dinner...the asker should pay...she also feels that if you want to throw a dinner party for a birthday then those invited are guests...and should not pay...who is right? Mu MIL would like your opinions?
2007-10-28 08:40:18 · 28 answers · asked by Daisyhill 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
mary should pay for her own meal... tell her stop bein so tight
2007-10-28 08:45:52 · answer #1 · answered by cinderella 6 · 6⤊ 2⤋
I think that it is in poor taste to invite someone to dinner and then expect them to pay for there meal. If it was the parents giving there daughter an 18th birthday party they should have either paid for all or not ask everyone to go to a restaurant.
The mother in law is right. My husband and I have invited many people out for dinner occasion or not we did not give them a bill or expect them to pay for there dish.
2007-10-30 07:04:32 · answer #2 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Objecting on the grounds that she'd bought an expensive present sounds a bit daft - does that mean that if she knew she'd be paying for her dinner she'd have bought something cheaper? Or not bought a present at all? I understand that people may be on a tight budget, but using this argument does mean that you come across as a bit stingy, even though that may not be what you mean.
You can normally tell what sort of party it is by the way the invitation is phrased. "We're taking everyone out to celebrate Jos' birthday" means that the hosts are paying. If the invitation sounded more like "Would you like to celebrate Jos' birthday with us at a restaurant?" or "we're all going to the restaurant - would you like to come?" I'd assume that everyone would pay separately.
I normally assume that everyone's going to pay for themselves unless it's made really clear that someone else is going to pick up the tab.
2007-10-29 03:12:42 · answer #3 · answered by booklady 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
On any occasion where a person is invited out to dinner, that person is certainly not required or expected to pay. On a big family occasion, it should all be sorted out whether to pool money to help the family out and if every one has to pay for their own. I disagree with the MIL and think the does not know the rules of etiquette how embarassing for the guests and her daughter should not have been expected to shell out for her, unless she is very poor in which case this should have been offered and kept private within the family.
2007-10-28 09:58:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I feel that if the dinner isn't in your honor, then you should expect to pay your own way, regardless of how much you spent on a gift. It's about Jos and celebrating Jos' birthday, not the MIL.
2007-10-28 09:41:15 · answer #5 · answered by Serpentine Fire 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If someone invites me out to eat, there's usually an understanding going in about who will pay. Considering the fact that this was the birthday girl's grandmother, I think it would have been nice if her meal had been paid for. I'm a grandmother and I seldom have to pay if I've been invited out to dinner by my children. Every family is different, but I'm going to side with Mary.
2007-10-28 09:24:17 · answer #6 · answered by phlada64 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I side with your MIL on this one. If somebody asks and organises something, then they should also be the one paying. I think that it's not impolite to ask somebody to pay for their own meal, provided it's made clear that that's what the deal will be at the time that the invite is made. It's a bit of a nasty shock when you get to the end of a meal and find out your organiser was actually expecting you to cough up the cash.
2007-10-28 11:10:53 · answer #7 · answered by HLEK87 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
She should have paid for her own meal.
Every time I am invited out for a birthday dinner, the ONLY person who DOESN'T pay for their meal is the birthday boy/girl.
I EXPECT to pay for my OWN meal and part of the guest of honor's meal UNLESS stated by the inviter.
2007-10-28 20:49:24 · answer #8 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a Teacher, and to be honest; I feel that your Mother-in-Law is right. Her daughter should have shown some class and paid for her own mother's meal. For goodness sake, her daughter was just tacky. Even if everyone was specifically asked to attend & pay their own way, you should always treat mom with respect. Its just the principle that her own daughter would argue about this, and treat mom like a stranger on the street by making a big deal about paying for the meal.
The only way that your MIL is wrong is if she is WEALTHY, and her daughter & husband are not as finacially well-off as she is. For example, if your MIL has a huge pesnion, great benefits, a home thats paid off, and tons of retirement money; then it should have been no big deal for her to pay for her meal. OR--if the daughter truly is struggling finacially--just like many middle class Americans struggling with gas, heating bills, medical bills, etc; then Mom should give her daughter a break and not expect so much right now.... But, if Mom is just a typical, middle class working American, and the daughter is finacially strong & stable--then the daughter should have chipped in to pay for Mom. Goodness, if it wasnt for Mom, there wouldnt be any Jos, any daughters, and husbands--nothing. Mom could have put them all in a foster home as children and lived her life for herself. Many parents dump their kids in foster home & with relatives while they go party & use drugs--some of them are my students. They should be thankful they had a decent Mom and that everyone turned out healthy & happy. Its called gratitude people!
Next time--choose an exepensive restaurant! There's nothing wrong with a 12 dollar meal! :)
2007-10-28 11:23:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
If a party is planned at a restaurant then it should be explained up front whether everyone is expected to pay for their own meal. that being said, unless you are specifically told that your meal is being taken care of, any restaurant invite should come with the expectation that you will pay for your own meal.
2007-10-28 09:39:28 · answer #10 · answered by Gracie63 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Can I just say that, like your mother in law, I would have been annoyed. When I am invited to a dinner, I don't expect to have to pay. However, this seems to be the 'done thing' nowadays. If someone says - we are having a party, would you like to come, I think the person having the party should say you have to pay. That way, you can accept or refuse! What I think is even worse is when the bill is divided by the number of people there and you have to pay for the folk who have had 3 courses of the most expensive items on the menu plus the drinks and you have only had one course!
2007-10-28 08:48:38 · answer #11 · answered by Spanishscotty 4 · 3⤊ 3⤋