My worst funny day in the military, you got one?

Question

At graduation, in formation in dress uniform, with admiral and crew 3 men down a flock of seagulls flew over.
Very accurate butts.
Down my dixie cup, my face, the front of my crackerjacks.....
Then the big guy stepped in front of me.
Ever see an admiral try not to laugh/

Answer 1

Well, this is a true story from my uncle who served as a medic during the Korean War. He is of mixed ancestry and could pass for Korean. He sewed up many an injury and even had to work on the Korean POWs. He often administered injections, etc.

One day, he was in the field and suddenly, there were N. Korean soldiers all about. Upon command, he fell down in the heavy grass, waiting silently for the enemy to pass. One soldier walked right over him and pointed his gun at my uncle's face. He stopped to ponder whose side my uncle was on because he wore a US medic outfit but looked Asian.

With his heart thumping, he yelled out the only Korean he knew: "Drop your pants!" (Remember: he had to give Korean soldiers innoculations.)

Of course, the soldier didn't know why he yelled this out. He just heard a scared guy yell, "Drop your pants!"

The Korean soldier looked puzzled and then slowly grinned. He withdrew his gun and kept on patrolling the area, leaving my very relieved uncle laying in the grass.

Who knows what the soldier was thinking, but it saved my uncle's life.

:)

Answer 2

As a junior officer at Naval Hospital Philadelphia, I prepared a directive by direction of the Commanding Officer for a full dress inspection in Service Dress Whites on a Saturday morning. Unfortunately, he never saw the directive in advance of my signing it and I later missed attending the inspection.

Answer 3

I was the NCOIC of an ECP on route Irish in Iraq in 05. Our shifts were ten hours, hot, and at times boring. To break the monotany we would have some to say the least, interesting radio conversations with the tower that had overwatch on us, and the gate guards down the road. I'm talking mortoral walkabouts here.

I was having a very crude conversation with one of that gate guards most likely questioning his sexuality or talking about the various ranges of depravity I would like to carry out on his sister. I had just droped a pretty decent zinger, and I got my response.

"How bout a little professionalism out there"

I responded w/

"I got your professionalism, right" while I turned to face gate and grabed my crotch.

After my gesture and response over the radio came

"I will come out there and insert that radio in your anus"

What I didn't know is that my 1SG was actually on the radio. Without knowing this I responded w/

"Wow, your getting kinda kinky, I think I like it"

Then the fun came to a crashing halt. In a very clear and without a doubt the voice of my 1SG came over the radio requesting my presence in SOG's office at the gate. I had just be promoted to SGT two days prior, so with all the fear in the world about my career I quickly made my way to the 1SG.

Fear of demotion or at the very least the worst *** chewing of my life I entered to office to go before the man. To my suprise he found a sense of humor in the 2 minutes it took me to reach him. He was laughing so hard the tears were rolling. He had to wait for 5 minutes before he could get out a full sentence out. In the end nothing happened. Not even an asschewing but I did gain some minor celebrity status within the battalion, and became the butt of a few jokes.

Answer 4

Ahhh, I have a ton of them, but I will regale you with one of my favorite stories from Marine Corps Boot Camp.

It was June of 1990 at Parris Island and it happened to be a "Black Flag" day (ludicrous temperatures so high that training was conducted indoors...don't worry, the DI's had plenty of contingency torture on these days to carry out "training") and we were inside our barracks doing weapons PM on our rifles. Now, anyone who has ever gone through boot camp knows and understands that you drink LOADS of water continuously EVERY day. Well, I had pretty much reached my limit and my bladder was screaming at me.

I stand up and say to my DI "Maam, this recruit requests to speak to Drill Instructor McLeod Maam."

To which she replied "Speak!"

I said "Maam, this recruit requests to make a head call, Maam"

She then (without batting an eye) asks me "Is it an emergency?"

Not really knowing what to say because there is NEVER a correct answer, I say "Maam, yes Maam!"

Deadpan, she replies "Oh! Everyone, Recruit Davis has an emergency. Recruit Davis, why don't you go ahead and put on your sirens and run to the head, then."

So, like a complete fool, I had to raise my hands over my head and wave them around while I made "ambulance-like" siren noises all the way to the head!

Pretty funny stuff!

Answer 5

In 1984 I was in Germany and was in a support position at the Expert Field Medic testing, radio use. One day our brigade 1 star came to check it out and of course evryone had to brief him on their station. He and his 1LT aid showed up and I breifed them, no big deal. The General then asked me how to get to the next staion,
"That would be the litter obsatcle course Sir, right thru those trees to the right about 20 meters."
"Thank you Sergeant, you're doing a fine job."

He turned, took a step, and went about 8 inches down a small hole. No Injury.

"Who put that damn hole there!" This is the good part.

The 1LT said, "I'll find out sir.", and off he went! The General just smiled at me and said, "Thru there then to the right 20 meters?" "Yes sir."

Poor LT, we never saw him again.

Answer 6

i grow to be a Drill Sergeant for the final 2 years. No, we don't pass with the aid of your mail yet once you recieve a equipment or a letter that my seem suspicious you will possibly be made to open it in front of your DS so as that they might make certain you arent getting any contriband mailed to you.

Answer 7

My commander walked in and I yelled BUILDING ATTENTION to let everyone know that there was an officer in the room....me not knowing there were already like 20 officers in the room...all of them looking at me like i was crazy...I will never forget that though...

Answer 8

year 1966, place okinawa: a huge parade had just taken place near camp hanson okinawa and it was for lt. general chesty puller, soon, all of us marines were to stand inspection in our winter greens as lt. general krulak, stepped sideways to inspect us and we had been told not to let our eyeballs drift down to him as he was so short and had no hair anywhere on his face, eyebrows or head due to a disease in world war two, when, he reached me, my eyeballs drifted and i imediately, recieved a stroke from his riding crop in the private area