My fiance and I are getting married in three weeks. Both of my parents are dead so his Mom has been a huge help! She has a large beautiful home and we will be having the ceremony and recpeton there. Here is the glitch ...75% of our invited guests are non drinkers and a good amount of children wil be there. But, the biggest reason we want to have no alcohol is my soon to be mother in law has a tendency to over indulge. Neither me nor my fiance want to "babysit" her or be embarrassed if she does. We are going to sit down to iron out the details next weekend. What is a polite yet efficent way to tell her there is to be no alcohol? I'm afraid it is going to be a touchy subject as it is her home. Help!
2007-10-28 08:15:53 · 17 answers · asked by Just J 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
For those of you who think that the no alcohol idea is "Lame" I do respect your opinion however it is what we have chosen. There are many other beverages and a good time can be had without drinking. Also everyone will have a safe journey home :)
2007-10-28 12:56:18 · update #1
In response to the "planning should have been done way before now" ... it's a very small weddingand most of the planning is done .... just have to figure out exactly how much food. And even though it is being held at her house she is not planning it.
2007-10-29 04:10:07 · update #2
Bad reception...people need to have options. Why not simply offer a spiked punch? That way, there is limited alcohol and if people want to indulge, they can. Or, you can simply do a champagne toast and everyone gets 1 glass. That's it. If it is her house, she can tap into her own personal stash, so whether or not you are supplying alcohol or not. If she has some in her house, she can go mix as many drinks as she wants. Just have fun!
2007-10-28 09:16:30 · answer #1 · answered by Susan N 5 · 0⤊ 6⤋
You answered your own question don't have alcohol it is not needed or necessary and a waste of money I did not have hard liquor at my wedding by choice I think there is nothing more embarrassing that when I was in a wedding and the best man passed out because he had too much to drink that is asinine.(meaning really stupid and dumb) Use the money that you would have put in the alcohol serving and put it toward your marriage like a home or a nice honeymoon.
Before the reception have the DJ announce as request per the bride and groom there will be no alcohol and tell you mom in law we really don't want alcohol we want everyone to have a good time without anyone driving home truck or getting sick and we would like just to have soft drinks which are sodas.
We thank you for allowing us to have the honor and privilege of having your wedding in your home we are so grateful but we do not want any alcohol at our wedding and we stand strong on this. Good luck God bless and I am proud of you for being sensible.
2007-10-28 09:20:27 · answer #2 · answered by encourager4God 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
You are to be commended on your decision. Anyone that says you HAVE to have alcohol at a wedding, doesn't understand the reason for a wedding.
That said....this is a hard situation, as you have said, being that the wedding and reception is AT your soon to be mother-in-laws house. Well....I think you both (mainly your fiance) need to speak with her and say just what you have said here...."mom, we do not want to have alcohol at our reception and I hope you will respect that decision. We will have many who do not drink, and many, many children that are impressionable. We KNOW that we can have a beautiful and fun wedding and reception without liquor."
Frankly, here in Michigan, it is a HUGE deal if you serve alcohol and someone from YOUR party leaves and is involved in a serious accident.....YOU can be sued and can serve jail time. It a huge risk. I don't know about your laws, but I certainly would not want to risk it.
Yes, please have a toast....it doesn't matter WHAT the beverage is......a toast is simply to wish the bride and groom health and happiness in their new life together. You don't need to slam back a drink in order to do that!
Good luck with your mother-in-law and I hope you have a beautiful wedding.
PS....to be honest, if I was hosting something as big as a wedding and reception in my home, I would be VERY BUSY! So she may be so busy that she may not even get a chance to have a drink!
2007-10-28 13:13:37 · answer #3 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her that since the majority of the invited guests abstain from drinking & so many children will be present the two of you have decided that this is to be a dry wedding. "Fakes" will be substituted such as O'Doul's (a non-alcoholic beer), shirley temples, & the like. Tell her that you have already told everyone that the wedding reception is to be non-alcoholic so if she tries to do the "but..." game you can just say that you've already told people this so it would not look good to go back on your word.
2007-10-28 08:21:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Just pick something that will be a good replacement and peole won't even notice the alcohol is gone. It's when you don't have an alternative that people assume you wanted to be cheap...not that you had a good reason.
Try a smoothie bar or an Italian Soda bar with different flavors. You can get supplies online, or with the smoothie bar just load up a cart at Sam's.
2007-10-28 09:26:46 · answer #5 · answered by pspoptart 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough question--and some of my clients have had to deal with it over the years.
1) Know that as long as it is at her place, she will drink anyway, even if it is a dry reception, if she has a problem with overindulgence. Not serving alcohol will not stop her if she decides to drink.
2) Your husband should be the one to tell her that you aren't serving alcohol to your guests as most of them are abstainers.
Simply say that you have decided to go with tradition and have a classic wedding punch--one that ALL of your guests will enjoy.
I wish you the best.
2007-10-28 08:54:14 · answer #6 · answered by Bromeliad 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I would simply tell her that you don't want to provide alcohol for your guests. Make up a fictional guest who is just started AA, and you don't want to put temptation in his/her way. Or, tell her that at least 75% of the guests don't drink anyway, and you honestly would rather spend the money on something else.
I realize it's her home, but she should respect your wishes on this one. If you don't want alcohol at your reception, then don't have it. Spend the money elsewhere.
Congrats on your upcoming wedding and good luck!
2007-10-28 09:24:08 · answer #7 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just say to her when you sit down to iron it all out that you have decided no alcohol. If she asks why then your groom should tell her honestly those reasons, if a person has issues with alcohol then they need to be told their behaviour is embarrassing to family and makes a show of themselves, if they are not told then they will continue to think this is acceptable behaviour.
2007-10-29 01:04:14 · answer #8 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She should have seen on the invitation that no alcohol will be served!
But maybe you forgot to do that. You don't need to tell her otherwise - she'll find out when she gets there! Otherwise, if she asks about the ordering, etc., just tell her calmly. OOps, just reread that she is hosting the reception -- omg, sorry, don't know what you'll do with that. However, planning should have been done long before this - maybe she already has the booze planned....
Totally don't mind going to a dry wedding.
2007-10-29 02:40:48 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I think it's fine to have an alcohol free reception, just keep it short. From experience, I can say that people usually won't want to hang around very long. They'll show up, eat, give you their blessing, and leave. Expect the show to be on the road within a couple hours.
2007-10-28 09:38:54 · answer #10 · answered by Kristen 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Just don't tell them.
No need to state if there is alcohol or not. They should not base their decision to attend on if you have booze or not.
Mine is a dry wedding and we stated NOTHING about it being dry.
As for the house owner, talk to them about it. State that you do not want alcohol there.
2007-10-28 17:54:23 · answer #11 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋