My big day is in 7 mth. A few mths ago,the planning started (dress shop.,looking at flowers,cakes,favors etc. When sending e-mails to my 3 BMaids and my MOH,my MOH NEVER replied. We chatted wedd stuff a bit in person, nothing big(she only lives 20 min away). When the shopping started, she came once, other than that she was busy so a bridesmaid came with me. About 1mth ago she called me crying, breaking up with her bf, almost 100% sure that she would be moving 2000 miles for a fresh start. I was sad she would miss all my wedding stuff, only showing up days before the big day. Finally she told me it would be best I ask one of the other girls to be MOH, they would be closer and more helpfull. After asking 20 times if she was sure this wouldn't cause problems between anyone (her saying no) I agreed. NOW this week she admitted she is a little pissed I asked a BM to be my MOH. Saying she only said it cause she thought its what I wanted to hear, that I sounded pissed??
2007-10-28 07:02:19 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You guys are great. I sincerely did what I thought my friend wanted me to do...which was replace her in her MOH duties. I thought that it would just add to her stress and she needed to deal with all the other stuff in her life. And just to add a little....she didn't seem very commited even before the breakup scenario. And now....it's about 4 weeks after that conversation and she is still with the guy and hasn't moved, still hasn't picked a dress or answered about our hair appointment. Meanwhile...the bridesmaid I have asked to be MOH has made another shopping trip with me and has planned the hair appointments and completely steped up.
2007-10-28 07:26:20 · update #1
To clarify again for Lydia...it wasn't about the work at all. It was about having a support system at my side at the time I needed it the most. But I put my feelings aside and did as she requested because I figured as a friend she was being honest with me in her telling me she just wasn't up to the providing me the support, the ideas and all the other stuff that comes with the title of MOH. I am not the one who didn't want her to be MOH...I was simply complying with her wishes. And by the way...all the girls in my wedding are like sisters to me...I don't love one friend best over the other so it was very hard for me to chose a MOH.
2007-10-29 04:48:28 · update #2
I agree with the rest of the people who answered. Being a MOH is very important and she's suppose to support you. It doesn't sound like she was very committed to her obligations to you even before everything happened in her life.
She's the one who recommended you find another MOH and you basically complied with her wishes. I'm sure you would have been more than understanding, compassionate and supportive in her time of need and you would have kept her as your MOH if she had not recommended you find someone else. Sometimes people just need to remember the world doesn't revolve around them, pull themselves up by the bootstraps and be responsible for their commitments regardless of what's going on in their personal lives.
Don't let her put any more stress/strain on your friendship. Just remind her that is was her idea and now that you've asked someone else you don't feel it's fair uninviting your new MOH. Hopefully your old MOH will be mature enough to accept responsibility for her actions.
Good luck and congratulations!
2007-10-28 07:32:45 · answer #1 · answered by cgspitfire 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did do the right thing. If you felt she was being honest when she told you to ask someone else then it was her mistake.
In all seriousness, she will be very far from you and will not be able to help like a MOH should. She didn't seem very committed to that duty from what you have said.
I think if you feel that you still want her as a MOH, then have 2. If you feel that she can be committed to helping from a far distance as much as she can and she really will help with her duties a MOH then let her have that honor back.
Hurting a friendship because of something like this is not worth the stress it will cause you and her and also cause to YOUR happy wedding.
Good luck!
2007-10-28 14:08:45 · answer #2 · answered by Sunshine 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think you did the right thing.
I asked my MOH because she is the most special friend in my life. She lived very far away, and only was able to fly in for the Friday evening rehearsal. So I didn't ask her, nor any of my other bridesmaids, to do "work" - she held my flowers and fluffed my train at the ceremony!
So I asked here, and had her in that special position, because she is the person closest in my heart - not because of the work she would do for the wedding. That would have just been crass.
2007-10-29 09:51:28 · answer #3 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your MOH clearly wasn't able to focus her attention on you and your wedding, so you were smart to pick another MOH. Your wedding day will be one of the biggest days of your life (along with childbirth, etc.), so you need to surround yourself with people who are going to help you plan it and make it memorable. Don't regret your decision, and above all, don't change back to your original MOH. That wouldn't be fair to the girl who stepped up to the plate.
2007-10-28 14:14:13 · answer #4 · answered by Jim P 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Sunshine, you did the right thing.
You asked her over and over and she said no.
You were trying to help her too. You have to get the plans for your wedding up and rolling, it'll be here before you know it. Think about it this way, she broke up with her bf, this way with her not being a MOH, there won't be as much responsibility for her in case she starts thinking about their old relationship or sees him and basically falls apart on you.
I agree with Sunshine.
Think happy
2007-10-28 14:20:35 · answer #5 · answered by smokejumper 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Glad to hear the other girl is stepping up & helping you!
It sounds as if your other friend is just a little bit of a drama queen! Maybe also a little needy for attention?
You handled it well; there was nothing else you could have done! If she chooses to act childish about it now, there is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty!
2007-10-28 17:54:04 · answer #6 · answered by valschmal 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she's crazy! This is about your big day so I think it's so selfish that she's acting like this. Be happy that you picked a BM and stick with her. I know how hard it is to plan a wedding and you need good friends that will stick with you and help out. Good luck!
2007-10-28 14:10:51 · answer #7 · answered by dreamkilter 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
SHE said to ask another BM to be the MOH!!!
She shouldn't be pissed.
2007-10-29 00:51:55 · answer #8 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not a mind reader! This occasion is about you, not her, she seems selfish...Quite frankly, she's not worth the time or effort......Please enjoy you wedding preparations and the wedding day and don't let this woman disturb your thinking!
2007-10-28 14:24:53 · answer #9 · answered by mj 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like she doesn't know what she wants, and that's her issue to sweat over, not yours. You're the one who has a wedding to put together and stress over -- she shouldn't expect you to be a mind reader and stress over her drama.
2007-10-28 17:41:57 · answer #10 · answered by War Games AM 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋