I have three little boys. ages 6,5,and 3....their real father is an *** and is in jail for drug abuse. we separated right after I had my last son.
then I started dating Brian. He has been their daddy for 3 yrs. they call him daddy and everything. they are very close to Brian. Yesterday morning at 1am Brian died in a very tragic, senseless motorcycle accident. (sobbing) and I just don't know how to tell them. They know something is wrong. I just don't want to break their hearts.
He was riding home from a bar, drunk, w/o a helmet. I am so mad at him. I wish I could yell at him. But I can't. I need to know how to tell my boys.
2007-10-28 07:01:10 · 14 answers · asked by gretch 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
even if you do tell them it's unlikely that they will understand what death really means. on tv a cartoon charcater dies and immediately comes back to life! death is made so confusing for young children. what you need to do is just explain to them in a very calm and understanding tone that brian got into an accident last night and that instead of coming home to us, he is going home to god now. explain to them that even though they wont see brian anymore he will always love them and be with them and that they can talk to him anytime they need to. encourage them to talk to you about questions or how they feel. if they ask why brian had to go to heaven tell them that sometimes god makes decisions that we just dont always understand but what we do understand is that brian is happy and ok now and that he would want us to be happy and ok too.
if they ask, which they surely will, when brian is coming back from heaven just simply say that once someone dies and goes with god then that is where they stay because god protects them.
they are sure to have very mixed feelings and if they dont react with crying and intense emotions then dont be concerned, they probably just dont understand exactly what has happened or the full effect hasn't hit them yet. be there for them and be the person that they can go and cuddle up to when they feel sad or worried.
i am so very sorry for your loss i hope that some of this helps. understand that brian is truly at peace now and that he would want you to be happy and make sure that your boys are happy as well. like soldiers, march on.
2007-10-28 07:52:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off Iam truly sorry for you loss.
I have always told the truth to my kids. Last year when my mother became sick with and later passed away from cancer I told my son the truth.
Lying only confuses them more. You of course can {and should } leave out the gruesome details.
Just tell them that Brian has had a terrible accident and has died. That he will not ever be home again. If you believe in god and heaven them he is now living with god and the angels in heaven.
2007-10-28 09:13:12 · answer #2 · answered by blue_eyed_brat78 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my gosh I am so very sorry for your loss. Please understand that anger is part of the loss. There are seven stages of grief. You need to tell your children the truth that Daddy will not be coming home anymore. That God needed him in heaven. He had a job to do there and although you all loved him and needed him God needed him more and that one day you will all be reunited again. We ride a Harley too and I know I worry all the time about other drivers not paying attention. You poor woman, I wish I could be there so you had someone to lean on. If you need to talk my email address is available. You should go see your doctor they can give you something to help you through this and the children may need some counseling. Peace be with you.
2007-10-28 07:14:17 · answer #3 · answered by teresa m 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Family counciling might help. The 5 and 6 year old are old enough to understand that he died. You don't need to add the details of him being drunk and without a helmet just yet. That can come when they are a bit older. Your 3 year old won't totally understand. Say he went to heaven to be with....(a pet that died, grandma...insert with what is right for you). When he gets a bit older he will ask more questions and you can give more answers.
I strongly suggest the counceling, it will help them and you also. I am sorry for your loss.
2007-10-28 07:09:02 · answer #4 · answered by Jayme S 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
My condolences. Yes, you are angry- that is perfectly understandable. The boys need to understand why Brian
won't be around anymore. Talk to your oldest one first. Tell
him the truth, let him know that Brian will always be with you
as long as he is in your heart. The accident caused his physical body to die, but not his spirit. Let him know that Brian loved him as his own.
Ask your oldest one how he thinks is the best way to tell his
younger brothers as he knows his brothers even better than you (don't be offended- it's a sibling thing).
Whatever you do, please do not lie to them with "he's gone on vacation" as that will only confuse the children.
You and your family are in my prayers.
2007-10-28 07:32:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for your and your children's loss. There is no easy way to do this you need to just tell them. Let them know their dad was in an accident. At there ages I don't think you need to get into all the details unless they ask. If they ask be honest but just tell them enough to satisfy their questions. Try not to show anger.
Once again I'm so sorry you have to do this.
2007-10-28 07:27:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry for your loss :(
my daughter is only 4 and has been through a loss of her uncle at 2 years, her brother at 3years
and her other uncle at 4 years
its hard, but you just tell them he is in heaven, that he went to be with the angels.
i don't thkn i would take them to the funeral. but def. take them to the grave site so they can get closure that way.
good luck and again srry for your loss
kids are are not as fragile as you think but it probably won't hit them for a while and they will have lots of questions. i did some reading for my daughter online and from the library.
2007-10-28 07:34:41 · answer #7 · answered by 3 girls call me mommy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd just tell them that when people die they aren't around anymore. If you believe in religion etc tell them he went to heaven and he is an angel in the sky or his soul is in heaven. This is such a hard thing to try and explain to little ones. Give them lots of cuddles ;)
2007-10-28 07:36:50 · answer #8 · answered by sydney77 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can feel your pain if this happened last night do you have someone with you and the kids? lets see when my kids father died they were to young to realize what had happened. don't tell them he is sleeping in heaven that gives them nightmares. the kids know that you are hurting tell them its not their fault cause they will feel like they drove him away. i told my kids that their father went away and wasn't coming back and we wrote him a goodbye card, i still have them, and when they ask you about death, have the ever seen a animal die? say its like animals that aren't here anymore good luck and keep your chin up
2007-10-28 07:14:24 · answer #9 · answered by sheilasays 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, i'm really sorry for your loss.
Dont tell the kids that his death was his fault, just tell them that there was a bad accident and that he isn't going to be around any more, do not lie. if you're a christian tell them that he is in a better place and that they can always think of him and whatever.
2007-10-28 07:15:39 · answer #10 · answered by La Leona 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋