Any Grammar mistakes in this short college essay?

Question

If you could sing one song at a talent show, what would it be?

I think perhaps me singing in a talent show might not be such a good idea because the audience would probably leave. However, if I had John Lennon's voice I would like to choose the song "Imagine," because it reflects the hope for a better mankind and for a better world. The timeless lyrics, 'Imagine there's no heaven, It's easy if you try, No hell below us, Above us only sky, Imagine all the people, Living for today...' are amongst the simplest, yet most powerful ever written.

Answer 1

Good except the (,) after the word imagine should go after the quotes. for example

"Imagine", not "Imagine," other than that it looks good.

Answer 2

I think that for me to sing in a talent show might not be such a good idea, because the audience would probably leave. However, if I had John Lennon's voice, i would choose the song "Imagine," because it reflects hope for mankind and for a better world. The timeless lyrics, "Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try. No hell below us, above us only sky. Imagine all the people, living for today..." are amongst the simplest, yet most powerful ever written.

You still need a closing sentence, though, and you might need to add a little more to it. By the way, is this supposed to be a short paragraph, or a short essay? Because if it's supposed to be a short essay, you still need quite a bit more...

Answer 3

This may be acceptable in America, but not Britain. It should be: I think perhaps MY singing in a talent show might not be such a good idea because the audience would probably leave. However, if I had John Lennon's voice I would like to choose the song 'Imagine' because it reflects the hope for a better mankind and for a better world. The timeless lyrics; "Imagine there's no heaven, It's easy if you try, No hell below us, Above us only sky, Imagine all the people, Living for today..." are AMONG the simplest, yet most powerful ever written.
You've used the wrong quotation marks: "" for speech (the lyrics) and '' for titles (Imagine), also a couple of the commas should have been semi-colons. The above was corrected by me and I think it's right.

Answer 4

I think my singing in a talent show might not be such a good idea because the audience would probably leave. However, if I had John Lennon's voice I would like to choose the song "Imagine," That song reflects hope for a better mankind and for a better world. The timeless lyrics, 'Imagine there's no heaven, It's easy if you try, No hell below us, Above us only sky, Imagine all the people, Living for today..." are amongst the simplest, yet most powerful ever written.

Answer 5

I think, perhaps, my singing in a talent show might not be such a good idea, because, the audience might leave. However, if I had John Lennon's voice, I would like to choose the song, "Imagine," because, it reflects the hope for a better mankind and a better world. The timeless lyrics, i.e. (imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try, no hell below us, above us only sky). These statements are among the simplest, and, yet, the most powerful, ever, written.

Answer 6

I'm no english professor, but here's my best shot at a revision to clear up the most obvious grammar mistakes:

I think my singing in a talent show wouldn't be such a good idea because the audience would probably leave, however, if I had John Lennon's voice I would like to choose the song "Imagine." It reflects hope for a better mankind and for a better world. The timeless lyrics, 'Imagine there's no heaven, It's easy if you try, No hell below us, Above us only sky, Imagine all the people, Living for today...' are amongst the simplest, yet most powerful lyrics ever written.

Answer 7

I am re-arranging your opening sentence to read like this: " I think it would not be such a good idea for me to sing in a talent show because ..."

and... after the title of the song, "Imagine"...end the sentence. and start a new sentence with "It reflects...."

then I would say, "The timeless lyrics are amongst the simplest, yet most powerful ever written." and then you should type out the lyrics in a new paragraph, with one line per line, like so:

These are the lyrics for the song:
"Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people,
Living for today"

and then finish your essay with a closing statement of some sort. Like ....er ....."Maybe one day I will sing well enough so the audience wouldn't leave!"



hope this helps
all the best
LPM

Answer 8

Your use of me in the first sentence of your answer should be my.

I'm not a fan of the word amongst. While not incorrect, among is just fine.

I think you used up quite a bit of space quoting the song. You might be better off describing the lyrics in your own words rather than using Lennon's.

Otherwise, it's to the point.

Answer 9

The only thing i can see is, "Because the audience would probably leave." Just say "not such a good idea, as i have no vocal talents!" Leave the "audience would get up and leave." I would leave that part out. .
Other than that, it's great.

Answer 10

I think colleges really like to hear stories that have come to shape your character, and how this can contribute to the university or how the university can help you in some way(i.e. meeting someone really influential in your life, and how that has made you a better person). I think you should go for your story though and see how you like it as an essay.

Answer 11

Is this essay for a college entrance exam or application? If so, you gotta do better than this. One third of the entire essay isn't even original - you are quoting the lyrics.