I was in a very abusive relationship that ended a little over 3yrs ago. I have since moved on w/my life. Bought a house, graduated from school and moved out of town. This guy still tries to contact me from time to time. Sending texts, calling from different phone #'s, leaving letters in my mail box at home (which is in a different state, thank God) and setting his sister up to contact me in various ways. My thing is he put me through sooo much hell and pain the nearly 6yrs we were together I don't want to hear from him at all! Everytime he tries to contact me it gets me upset. He called the other day at 4am saying he had the wrong # (yea right) I still have thoughts of what he has done to me and how it has affected me to this day. Just the other night I was bawling about something he was responsible for. I don't want to carry any of this baggage into a new relationship. So my thing is, contact is few and far between, maybe every 3 mths or so. Would you change your # if you were me?
2007-10-28 05:20:09 · 14 answers · asked by Sweet Honey 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He has shown up at my house unannounced! The first year we were apart he showed up at the doorstep w/ roses on our would be anniversary. I know he still drives by my house and sees that no one lives in it, that's why he left the letter. I have to move on. I'm changing my # today. Just wanted more opinions. Thanks
2007-10-28 05:34:13 · update #1
Yes, or sooner or later that jerk is going to show up unannounced. Another benefit of changing your number is it will free you from the worry and anxiety you experience whenever he calls. (And get a caller id box so you can screen your calls before answering, too.)
2007-10-28 05:29:20 · answer #1 · answered by Captain S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, congratulations for getting out.
Unfortunately, a restraining order would not work. The laws also protect the 'offender' from frivilous suits. They will NOT issue a protective order unless there has been a threat or an actual incident of physical violence. There has to be an attempt to correct this, which hopefully can be done peacefully. Document the date you made your intentions clear and what it was you asked to be done. Once you have done this, make sure to document any and all attempted contacts. If the situation continues, you can then look into pressing charges for harassment.
I think (my own opinion) is that you call him, make sure you get him on the line not a message, then calmly tell him that you want all contact to stop. Let him know that this will be your last conversation with him. Tell him he is not to call you, 'drop' letters, or have any associates attempt to contact you in any way. Also include the fact that if he does continue, you will be forced to take further actions. Once you have given him this message, change your number.
Do your parents still live at the house where he is 'dropping' the letters? If so, you parents can get with the post master of their city and let them know that this person is putting unwanted mail into their box after he has been asked to stop. Fortunately, the mail, and subsiquently the mail box is considered a federal issue, so if he does not stop, the post master can get involved and press charges.
If his sister, or any other person attempts contact with you, let them know that all contact is to stop, and let them know that they too will be involved in any legal action taken against him, if it continues.
IF the situation worsens, you do need to get the police involved, but remember, they will not press charges, and most likely will not even talk to him unless there is violence involved. However, even if you just call to make a report, they will have it on record if it gets to that step where it is necessary to take legal action.
There are many agencies that are designed to assist persons in your situation as well, get help from them. Look into the groups in your area, call the city directories for help if you need it. They will be victims advocate groups, YWCA, Womens shelters and so forth.
For you and your continued wellbeing, it may not hurt to find someone to talk to, either a victims group to talk about your feelings, or even a counselor. You need to be able to get over what he has done to you emotionally or it will carry over into your next relationship, and the next one and the next.
Good luck.
2007-10-28 12:44:53 · answer #2 · answered by Girl Next Door 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
not only would I change my number, I would get a restraining order. Why is he still concerned after all this time? Scary. Be safe, not sorry. I have been there before, the only reason I was able to get out of it alive is because he got locked up for 2nd degree murder (wow, right?) and he still tries to contact me from prison and I have moved out of state since then. I'm glad you got of it, I have a close friend that is in an abusive marriage and it is very rough for her and I am really hoping that she gets out of it ok.
2007-10-28 13:24:40 · answer #3 · answered by *sexy mocha* 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would change my number in a heartbeat. I would also document all the letters, contacts and phone calls, and if he continues, I'd get a court restraining order against him. The fact he is still doing this after 3 years and you moving away is creepy and dangerous. Do what you have to do to protect yourself.
2007-10-28 12:25:27 · answer #4 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to stop bothering you (assuming you haven't yet)
Warn him that you are starting to feel uneasy and will call the cops if he shows up uninvited again.
Then file a complaint if he does show up again. Get the ball rolling on a restraining order.
Document everything, write down when he calls, keep phone records, keep letters or print outs of messages. The more evidence you have of his activities the easier it will be to get legal action taken.
2007-10-28 14:33:06 · answer #5 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
girl, i was in the same situation, u had no idea how much i know how u feel chicka, it will get better i promise, this is what u do it worked 4 me, first thing is change the phone num ber, n dont let the bastered sweet talk u n2 giving him the new one, when there is a letter from him, and u know its him trash it b4 u even open it, i beliave u can even go to the post office and tell them to not even give u mail from wateva address he is sending u them from. now u, stop getting upset when the **** calls u, be flattered, u got dude sprung. laugh it off and move on, he will get bored trying to get in contact with you and another thing dont give the guy any responce at all.
2007-10-28 12:35:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes I'd get my number changed and get a restraining order put on him. Don't talk to him or his sister. Ignore his calls. Send his letters back unopened. Put return to sender on the front and leave them in the mailbox.
2007-10-28 12:28:30 · answer #7 · answered by shellshell 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just dont respond to him he will get the picture
i was in a relationship and she left me but i never was mean to her or anything but we stay in touch and love it
on the other hand ive had some chicks that totally ignore me but i still send them text and call from time to time to check in its perfectally normal i think everyone misss someone
but if the guy was mean and stuff u should leave him alone and just simply ignore him or tell him to leave u alone uve moved on.
2007-10-28 12:26:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes angel..change your # as soon as possible...this ain't right. He must stop! talk to him..and tell him how this makes you feel..- if he can not accept the fact that you don't want him back...then change your number..and don't let him find it out! good luck*
2007-10-28 12:36:52 · answer #9 · answered by **lil princess** 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you dont want to hear from him and he still contacts then yeah i would change your number. if he emails i would get a new email address, and change all of you phone numbers.
2007-10-28 12:25:26 · answer #10 · answered by kivasiri 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋