is this cruel?

Question

My husband has ordered me a puppy. my old dog died two weeks ago. i know he means well but i dont know if i want it. he has ordered it as a surprise so we had not discussed it. The problem is that things are different to when we had our old dog. when she was a pup i was at home but i now work full time. My husband only works 5 mins away from home and he says he will come home at lunch time to feed it and let it out for toilet. However i stil feel this is cruel am i right? what should i do. we still have a chance to tell breeder we have changed our minds but i feel mean as it was a gift ????? The dog would be left 8.30 am - 5pm and be seen for about 20 minutes at lunch time. what do you think?

Answer 1

I think this question is two-fold so I will answer it as such.

When you get a puppy it will need more attention than just 20 minutes a day at lunch time. Puppies can only hold their bladders - on average - one hour longer than their age. If you get a 3 month old puppy, he can only hold his bladder - at best for 4 hours. But that's if you are lucky. You may get a puppy that can only hold its bladder for 2 hours - which means that - at least initially someone will need to make more trips home during the day than just one at lunch.

Is it cruel? If it were - there wouldn't be as many dog owners in America as there are. I have 3 dogs - I work full-time. My neighbors all have dogs- they work full-time. There are now doggy day care places if you feel badly leaving your dog (once it reaches 5-6 months old you are pretty safe leaving it all day without fear of losing it's bladder), you can hire neighbor kids to come walk your puppy when they get home from school which is before you get home from work. So it's not cruel.

But - the second part of your question has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not its cruel - it's whether or not you are really ready for a new dog. You just lost your beloved pet 2 weeks ago. While I think your husband's heart is in the right place - only you can decide if you are really ready for a new puppy addition. In reality - (and this is just my opinion) - you seem a little perturbed that he tried to do it all as a surprise. Maybe you would be more amenable if you BOTH got to choose a new dog together. Maybe it would be better to get an "older" puppy - like a 10-11 month old dog. Maybe you might like to get one from a rescue or shelter instead of a breeder. Maybe you would like to get one from a breeder but might like to get an older one (contact breeders in your area - dogs are returned to the breeders at times and they do rehome them!). These are questions that you need to consider - are you ready - does this decision need to be made together - meaning you BOTH go pick out the dog from the rescue/shelter/breeder together?

ALso - I would like to concur with Jennifer T about your husband "ordering" you a puppy. I don't know if it's just the terminology you chose to write a brief, succint to the point question or if he did indeed "order" you a puppy. If he did order you a puppy - he most likely ordered one from a puppymill. Responsible breeders do not "fill orders" for puppies. There is an extensive application process that responsible breeders have you fill out. So if he ordered you a puppy - I would be a little concerned about where this puppy is coming from.

Best of luck - and I am sorry for the loss of your beloved pet.

Answer 2

A puppy really isn't right for you right now, I'm afraid -an older, trained dog would be very much better. It would be in your best interests and in the puppy's best interest to cancel it.

The puppy stage in a dog's life is the most important for developing into a well behaved, socialized and adapted dog, if the dog is alone all the time, only problem behaviors could develop. Puppies also need alot of exersize, and just leaving them in the backyard won't do it.
Also, until the puppy is about 6 months old, it will probably need to use the bathroom every 1-2 hours -if the dog is inside, or in a crate, this will really hurt your housetraining.

An older dog, who has had the time to slow down a bit would be a much better fit. Try to find a breeder with a retired show dog, or one that didn't make the cut, and that has slowed down. Or get a dog from the shelter -lots of the animals are there only because someone got sick and couldn't care for them anymore, or someone died and no one took the dog.

You really will regret it if you get this puppy -maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon. (lol, sorry, couldn't resist).

But anyway, good luck, however you go about it. Make it clear to your husband that you really do want the puppy, but explain to him carefully why it wouldn't be a good idea.

Answer 3

Ordering a puppy as a surprise is always a bad mistake! It sounds as if you are just not ready f or a new dog. Tell the breeder as soon as possible. If they are reputable, they were rather be told than have their puppy go to a home where it is not wholehearted welcomed by everyone.
If your husband has paid a deposit, be prepared to lose that though as the breeder may have turned down other homes thinking the pup was sold.
If you really want the pup but are put off only by the time it will be alone, it depends how much time you are prepared to spend with it outside work hours. If you are there most evenings and weekends, the pup should be fine - after all, we all have to work these days! Be prepared for house training to take a little longer though and try and take a week off when the pup arrives.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry you lost your old dog. I know what it's like. I can understand how you feel about a new puppy. Your husband does mean well, but I think you are right in that you do need to be at home with a young puppy. If your husband is only going to be at home for 20 minutes in his lunch break, the poor little pup is going to be really lonely after having the company of its mother and siblings.

I can see you don't really want to reject your husband's gift. However if he really wants to go ahead with this, you could provide the puppy with a cosy basket, put a wrapped hot water bottle in the basket in a way that the pup can't chew it, and maybe leave a radio playing softly. Is there a trusted neighbour who would look in, as well?

Have another chat with your husband about the situation and good luck whatever you decide to do.

Answer 5

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I had to leave a puppy for 5 hours some days. It wasn't cruel (couldn't be helped!) but it wasn't an ideal situation. He got through it, but he still suffers separation anxiety if I go out for too long even now (he's 4 and life is a little easier now for him!) I think a compromise might be, if you and your husband do decide to get another dog - adopt a homeless dog.. one who is used to being on (his) own a little more; one who is a bit older. Not only will you save a life, but hopefully, you won't feel so guilty and you might get a toilet trained doggy into the bargain. It's hard trying to decide cos none of us want to leave our dogs all day. But rare are the people who can afford to keep a dog and not have to work for a living. Ethics eh? Good luck. I know you'll make the right choice, because you are sensitive enough to ask the question in the first place.

Answer 6

I can understand your husband wanting to get a new Dog for you as it's very hard to get over loving a pet. Perhaps you could discuss other options like:
1. Wait until later and perhaps adopt an older dog that needs a home, that's used to being alone for slightly longer periods.
2. Get a Cat (if you like them) as they are very independent if they're given a flap to go in and out of the house.
3. Tell your husband that he's your pet.
Either way, perhaps you need a little time to think about it, a puppy needs more time and attention. A rescue centre will also tell you which of the dogs might adjust best to your life style.
Good luck.

Answer 7

If you have got doubts - then now is definitely not the right time for a new puppy. Your old dog would have been trained, and probably coped fine with you both being out of the house for so long. A puppy wants a lot more attention and loving!! Maybe you are still grieving for your old dog as well - and shouldnt use a puppy just to fill a gap. I'd say cancel.

Answer 8

i think that as it's a puppy then yes it is a bit cruel, an older dog would fare better and at least be toilet trained etc and would know how to entertain itself while your out.

I'd also wait a couple of months seeing as your old dog just died. Tell your husband that you feel you haven't got over your old dog yet (although once you see the new pup i think you'll fall in love) and could you just wait before getting a new one??

hope that helps x.x

m

Answer 9

i think it would be better to cancel. But if you really want the dog and do not want to give it up(or hurt your husbands feelings), i would get a neighboor or friend to help you look after it. Try to have them come once every 2-3 hours of the day when you are not home and stay there and play with it. Having them stay there for about a half an hour would be good. I would also try to cut down on my work hours and try to get home earlier. I would also give it A LOT of attention and play with it all you can. Get it many chew toys because it will teath and be careful about what you leave out (even string or socks)
http://www.peteducation.com/article.cfm?cls=2&cat=1660&articleid=661 (this will link you to part of the site about cats...just make sure you can find the dog area of the site and look there)
i no this website an it helps with animal caring... it can also tell you what to and not to feed a pet. Also it can help you figure out if your pet is sick or injured. Please look at this site...i really think it will help you
good luck with your new puppy! =]

p.s. wash it a lot too usually if you do this when they are young they get used to it and learn to LOVE baths

Answer 10

I don't think it's cruel at all if your husband wants the dog and will take it out during the day since his work is nearby. Just be honest with your husband and tell him you appreciate him thinking of you but this dog may be more for him because you are not ready for another one.
Then if he decides to get the dog he will be getting it for himself and you may then get attached to it too.
Sound's like a good plan to be so close to home and able to take the dog out during his lunch break as long as he will be spending time with the dog walking it each day, taking it out on the weekends for romps, playing with it daily and then if you want to, you can too.
Also, your husband may not realize that you can't "replace" the dog you just lost and your feelings are all over the place, not ready yet to get one, in your opinion.
Getting one now could be a good thing or a bad thing. You should both discuss this first.