What should I do about my boyfriend problem?

Question

Everything was going fine between the two of us in the beginning. After maybe about 6 months, it started going downhill. He is always questioning me about where I am, what I'm doing, who I'm with, what time I'll be home, etc. But they're all specific questions, like he wanted to know once how many guys and girls I was with and what their names were. I'm so frustrated because I really love him, but when he does these things, I really just want to leave him. We've had countless talks with each other. We work it out, but then it just goes back to the way it was. I know that some part of it is my fault, but for the most part, he is very paranoid about things. He says he trusts me, but by these questionings, it really doesn't seem like he does. I'm so confused, what should I do?

Answer 1

Decide if he's worth your time cuz of his annoying nuances. He may not be trying to control you at all; it may just be that he's that kind of person who wants a blow by blow detailed accounting of what happened to you that day. I know some people who are like that, they mean no harm, they just want to be able to experience what you did so they need every little bit of information, leave nothing out.

Answer 2

Leave him. It will only get worse. Do you know that in domestic violence cases this is what usually happens? At first the person is the perfect partner, then they start to become increasingly paranoid/jealous/controlling, then they try to make it up to you after a fight, but they always go right back to being the way they were. They will also put all the blaim on you. I'm not saying he would hit you, but he has all the classic signs. I think you know what you need to do. Trust me, he wont change, as you have already seen. he may be good for a little while, but the end result it always the same. Dont waste any more time on him. Be prepared, though, if you do end things, he will probably make all kinds of promises, buy you things, etc etc. Be strong and think about YOU.

Answer 3

Everything always goes fine in the beginning.

Now you are settling into a relationship with more meaning, maybe your bf is a little controlling and doesn't think you can make your own choices without his input. Males do think this, you do not offer an age group so I am assuming you are maybe young and still growing in the area of relationships. It is not easy at any age, believe me.

But you are on the right track by talking things over with your bf when he does things that upset you or you feel he is crossing the line.

Its ok to have friends even other males as well that are friends, and it is ok to include your bf when you go out with them, maybe he is just interested in your friends and would like to get to know them better. At least he shows interest in what you do, but if you feal stiffled offer the information before he has a chance to ask, so he will know that you like your friends but he is the most important one, if you don't feel like that let him go, because he should be the first and the last if its the real thing. Good luck

Answer 4

Your boyfriend definitely has some insecurities. That's gonna be a big problem in your relationship, because he is most likely sitting at home wondering where you are. There are probably some trust issues that go along with that. Maybe he has trust issues because of something that happened in his family-- or maybe not. Some people are just like that. Explain to him that you two can have a special night every Friday or Saturday night where you do something you both love to do, but sometimes you want to also have a separate social life from him. Tell him you love him and that he should trust you not to get involved with other guys.

Answer 5

Well It sounds to me like your boyfriend doesn't trust you. Whats a relationship without trust? Nothing. You could ask him all the same questions when he goes out and see how he takes it but if he is known to be sometimes agressive then i wouldn't bother giving him the same back just in case. Say to him that if he can't trust you then your relationship has no future. Maybe if he gives you a good enough apology and says he'll change then if you want give him another chance and you can always leave him if he doesn't change. If you're sure he wont change his ways then just say to him, I'm sorry but i've given you so many chances in the past and if you cared about me that much then you would of tried harder to change back then. if i was you i'd leave him. There's plenty more fish in the sea after all!

Answer 6

Hi Carla, advice from an older woman here. In my experience when men claim they trust you but question like this, they don't really trust. Often they don't trust because they themselves are being untrustworthy. Either that or he's exhibiting alarming controlling signs. This gets worse with time and even more so with marriage. It's advisable to not 'confess' your entire past to a partner (everyone has a past) b/c that will give him too much to think about and later doubt & question you no matter how faithful you are. Do you really want to be with someone who is so insecure or wants to control and dominate you? It feels like love, but love is reciprocal and trusting, not questioning, paranoid or accusatory. You say it's your fault? No sweetie, it's all him making you think somehow you've done things to deserve his paranoia & distrust. Good luck! I hope you find someone who is mature and trusting, b/c this guy is neither.

Answer 7

Unless you have done something that has caused him to lose trust in you (cheating, etc.) he has NO RIGHT to be questioning you like that. Trust me, I have been in a relationship just like that and it ended up ending terribly. I actually lived with him and so I had to pack everything while he was at work and leave because he was just so crazy. I had tried to leave the night before and he ended up chasing me outside in his underwear acting like an idiot. You need to get out of this relat ionship, it's not healthy. It's one thing to ask just because you are in conversation, but not to be constantly questioning you. And of course he'll say he trusts you, he doesn't want you to think that he doesn't. You are your own person and you don't need anyone questioning you about things like that. He obviously doesn't trust you. Good luck!!!

Answer 8

He has issues point blank. They are not you fault so stop blaming yourself. Its like you are making excuses for him. dont do that. This cycle will continue until you change it. Leave him now or be stuck forever. It will get more intense if you dont know that i am telling you it will. He will break you down until he has 100% control over you. That my dear is not love.

Answer 9

Here's what you should do:

Quit using Yahoo! Answers as an excuse to talk about your life. Why are you asking a world of strangers for advice anyway? Do you expect to get actual advice from us?

I'll stop answering your question with a question now.

Answer 10

You should really examine this relationship. From what you described he has all the potential for a stalker, wife beater and/or torturer. He's not going to change so how long will you allow the relationship to linger on.