My son who is 27 is getting married to his girl friend of 7/8 years. Both are single parent children.?

Question

Who is responsible for what and what is a reasonable amount to spend. Money is not abundant but not a major problem either. I make good money and so does her mom. Her dad will help some too Hs dad is a jerk and will not. So that leaves only me on his side. Help

Answer 1

With so many working couples, the bride and groom often pay for much of it themselves, or the family gives them a budget. These are kids approaching their 30's. I hope they will contribute the bulk of it. It sounds like the bride's family is going to cover much of the ceremony. If you WANT to contribute to the ceremony, you're wonderful!

You should plan on covering the rehearsal dinner, the minister fee. If you want to do more, you may want to consider helping with either the photographer, flowers, cake or help with the reception.

Answer 2

Since your son and his girlfriend are in their late 20's, I'm assuming that they both have careers. My opinion is that they should be paying for a good portion of their own wedding expenses. Do you know if they're planning to do that, or are they expecting the parents to foot the whole bill? My suggestion to you is to look at your budget and decide how much you can reasonably afford. Then tell them you would be happy to contribute that amount toward their wedding. If you know the girlfriend's mom pretty well, you could call her, tell her your plan, and ask her what she thinks she can do. I think that giving them an amount to work with is a little easier than trying to decide who pays for what item. They can use the money for what they need, and anything over that amount they can pay for themselves.

Whatever you do, don't go into debt for an event that lasts one day.

Answer 3

If they've been together this long and built a life for the entirety of their twenties, they should be able to contribute heavily to the cost of their own wedding. My suggestion is to see how much they can budget, then have you and her mom BOTH match (at least, if you make really good money) their amount.

This won't be much help if a marriage by clergy in a church is important to them, but here's a suggestion for enriching the ceremony AND saving some cash. Rather than paying a professional officiant who brings borrowed authority instead of personal connection, have the person who introduced the bride and groom (or some other cherished mutual friend) register with the Universal Life Church as a non-denominational minister.

Answer 4

Typically I believe the standard was the girls parents are to pay for the actual wedding, her dress, the cake and such while the grooms parents paid for the rehearsal dinner and the men's tuxes.
In this day and age though those standards are thrown out the window. For instance my parents really had nothing to do with my wedding. It was my hubby's parents that helped with everything, minus my wedding dress.
My mom was able to do that one.
I would just sit down with them and discuss the details. Ask questions such as are they going to want the traditional wedding, with a rehearsal dinner, bridesmaids and groomsmen, reception, the church.
Take into account that someone will have to purchase the brides gown, rentals for the tuxes and shoes, a cake, some kind of beverage, napkins, plates and utensils, someone to serve, a photographer, someone to play the music, you will have to pay for the location, church and you will most likely have to pay a little to whomever performs the wedding. And the invitations, can't forget about those.
Or you can save all the hassle and they could elope! Just go over the budget with them and see.

Answer 5

Hi. Being that this is 2007, it is the bride and groom's responsibility to pay for their own wedding ceremony and reception. That is not to say that the bride's family and/or the groom's family cannot contribute.....perhaps they can.....but perhaps they cannot. There is no rule anymore that the bride's family pays for "this" and the groom's family pays for "that." This is how things are.

If you can afford to pay for something (i.e., the flowers, the rehearsal dinner, etc.) and the bride's family wants to pay for xxxx or simply give them XXX amount of money to spend as they want to...that is fine also! It's really WHATEVER now a days. But gone are the old "traditions." There are now so many families, like yours, with single parents, etc. that this is not a burden (paying for a wedding) that the bride's family incurs in this day and age. Also, many couples marry later in life and have a significant income of their own, so they can afford their own wedding and reception.

And, to answer your question, the average cost of a wedding in the U.S. is $25,000. That is not to say that it HAS to cost that much. Many brides and grooms on this forum are paying for their own weddings with a fraction of that total. It's all up to the couple how fancy and big they want things to be!

Hope this clears things up. And, congratulations to your son!

Answer 6

I am a pretty modern slightly young (32) woman. I am getting married soon. We basically waited for our parents to offer up contributions, but expected nothing.

Basically what happened was that my parents paid for the venue and flowers, we paid for catering and drinks, and his family paid for the rehersal and rehersal dinner, cake, and paid the "donation" at the church, and they gave us a pretty sizable gift. We ended up paying about $12K including favors, etc. It was really nice. I don't know exactly what the parents paid, they kept their contributions pretty silent.

I have to say it was nice, but I am not over the top, and didn't want anything like that. Just a great party. My idea is that each parent contributed about $6K a piece. We paid for our own honeymoon and put our gift from his towards our new home.

Traditionally the brides family is responsible for paying for the wedding, but that's not reasonable for any parent home. It's sad to say, but a nice wedding is going to run about $20K, and that's not without all the bells and whistles. Honestly, my father is pretty traditional, as are his. I think they spoke independently and decided what they could afford and offered what they could. I don't think that most people expect that the parents pay for the total wedding anymore.

Answer 7

There are no hard fast rules on this anymore.

The parents of the bride are no longer "required" to pay for the wedding, or anything for that matter.

I suggest you take a look at your budget and see what you can afford to offer. Let them know you want to help them out, but you can only give X dollars.

You can also sit down with the girlfriend's parents and come up with what things each of you is going to be responsible for. Make it a frank, but civil conversation and don't commit to what you cannot afford.

Good luck!

Answer 8

it's traditional for the bride's parents to foot the bill for the event, but it's becoming more commonplace for the couple to plan and pay for their own.

if as parents you plan to handle all expenses, then you first need to start with a budget that is reasonble so that you have an expense guide and don't go into unnecessary debt. my daughter and son-in-law paid for the bulk of their wedding with sprinkles of financial help. plus the use of talented family members and friends, can really help to keep costs down. so that the couple has a ceremony and reception that represents their desires and likes, their ideas should be the first consideration. a beautiful wedding and fun party (reception) don't have to break the bank. the bride doesn't have to have a coordinator for planning, especially if she's a well organized person, but she will need some one to run the show on the wedding day. the wedding party needs to be made up of reliable and responsible friends and family if the couple chooses to have a wedding party.

there are tons of websites to help with wedding planning...my daughter used theknot.com have your daughter in law to be pick up or receive a wedding planning journal/notebook and keep it handy everytime anything for the wedding is done. and be diligent with contracted services...any changes to a contract need to be acknowledged by both parties in writing to avoid misunderstandings.

my husband and i couldn't help with the ceremonial parts, but over time built up a decent sum to give the our newlyweds when they returned from their honeymoon. life starts after the beautiful ceremony ends.

best wishes to the couple.

Answer 9

First, sit down with them and help them plan a budget. Regardless of who's paying, you need to understand what you want to spend and what you can afford.

Once that taken care of, just give what you can. If 3 people are willing to give, 3K.......that's 9K right there. The couple could put in about 3K-5K of their own and have a nice little wedding.

Ideally, I think the couple should take whatever people will give them. Lots of time, one number might not work for everyone. If you can give 5K, then that's great. If her family can give 3K.....that's fine to

I don't think it's bad you are paying. I think if a family can afford to give money, they should. OK, yes.....he's 26. So, what. Does that mean, you can't give him a nice present.

Giving money towards a wedding, regardless of age, is a present/gift. Just b/c your child is grown, does that mean you MUST stop giving gifts.

Answer 10

Well, explain how your son's father is a jerk and wont help with wedding expenses. Since they are nice enough to volunteer to help with the wedding, I'll bet they are nice enough to understand. Make sure you pay for all you can, and since money is coming up short for you, offer to do they cooking, etc. Offer to do something meaningful and important to the ceremony, but not too memorebale on your wallet. But DO spend all you can. Have a pow-wow with the family (including the couple, and their parents) to talk about exactly what the wedding will be. Have the children pitch in, and divide expenses evenly.