Things to do when jehovah witness visit you?

Question

1. Answer the door naked and carrying weaponry.

2. Pretend to be the slowest talking person in the world and see how long their spirit of Christian charity lasts.

3. Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them to get flustered and leave.

4. Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the Forty two children. You may have to resort to another method to actually get rid of them, but this will definitely make them sweat.

5. Excuse yourself from the front door and DO NOT come back.

6. Make a series of increasingly reprehensible fake phone calls - your bookie, order for pornography, drug deal, obscene call, and if they are STILL there, a tearful confession to the police for the murder of the last Witnesses who visited you.

7. Pick an often repeated word in their vocabulary (God, Jesus, heaven, it, the etc.) and giggle whenever they utter it. If they ask you what's going on, say "nothing, why?" in very even tones, and giggle again.

8. Same as above, except say "beep" instead of giggling.

9. Guys - part way through, begin putting on make-up, hosiery, a dress, the whole works. Make encouraging noises (uh huh, I see...) throughout and if they ask you what you're doing, pull a #7. If they're still there when you are done, ask them if they would please kindly leave as you have a hot date in ten minutes.

10. Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.

Answer 1

1) Tell them to pray first before any conversation.
2) Try to humble yourself before them and be a good listener.
3) After everything just tell them they are the most wonderful people on earth but you are a brother to Bin Laden and you are not ready to convert.

Answer 2

At times, a question such as this will elicit dozens and dozens of elaborate schemes to spare a householder an unwanted conversation with Jehovah's Witness door-to-door ministers.

All such schemes are a complete and utter waste of time!

Many of your neighbors have figured it out, and it's really quite simple:
1. Open the door
2. Smile (optional)
3. Ask "Jehovah's Witness?"
4. Receive affirmation
5. Say, "Thank you, but I'm not interested"
6. Gently close the door (slamming is rude, but your prerogative)

Please recognize that Jehovah's Witnesses are not primarily interested in converts, but in working to obey Jesus' command to preach (Matt 24:14; Matt 28:19,20).

Learn more:
http://watchtower.co.uk/e/jt/index.htm?article=article_04.htm
http://jw-media.org/people/ministry.htm

Answer 3

I'm an atheist and I've had a handful of run-ins with Jehovah Witness soliciters over the years. I enjoy arguing religion -- a Jehovah Witness's worst nightmare.

Never-the-less, we have the Jehovah Witnesses to thank for the fact that our children don't stand at attention with an outstretched-arm in a Nazi-style salute to the flag each morning at school.

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This issue centers on whether or not the government can force a child to salute the American flag. It is bizarre to think that the question is not settled and that lawmakers even today think that they can still attempt to do this, but it appears that the lessons of the two Supreme Court cases involved have not yet been learned.

Mandatory flag pledges in public schools were a product of war-inspired America, with the first appearing in several states during the Spanish-American war. Many more joined during World War I, with the recently formed ACLU tracking only a few dissents. It wasn't until World War II was drawing close that the practice was challenged directly in a way that rose through the court system.

In Minnersville School District v. Gobitis, two Jehovah's Witness school children, 10 and 12 years old, were suspended from school because they refused to salute the American flag during mandatory morning exercises. According to their beliefs, the Bible forbids having any false idols before God; and since all human governments are ultimately instituted by Satan, pledging to them would be a sin.

In a preview of what was to come, the children suffered horrible teasing, taunting, and attacks from the other kids. A local Catholic church started a boycott of the family store and business dropped off. Because of their eventual expulsion, their father had to pay for them to enroll in a private school, resulting in even more economic hardship.

What these bare facts fail to adequately describe is just how rancorous the situation really was. Gobitis (actually Gobitas, but a court clerk's error has made the altered name stick ever since) was only recently a convert to Jehovah's Witnesses. The national leadership had recently decided to make an issue of the forced pledges and asked people to stand up for their rights.

Jehovah's Witnesses who challenged the practice were accused of working with or being duped by German sympathizers - which is ironic, because many Jehovah's Witnesses in Germany were persecuted for refusing to pledge allegiance to Hitler. It is also ironic because, at the time, many flag pledges were done not with the right hand over the heart as they are today, but instead with an outstretched right hand which has now become associated with the "Sieg Heil" salute of the Nazis.
http://atheism.about.com/library/FAQs/cs/blcs_jw_flag1.htm

Answer 4

Hey! hey! now,
Tolerance!!!! I know..Why don't you invite them in, and listen ..WOW there Petty
trippy! But I can see the defense in not. "what?"
ME tinks there might be some weak minds here or something?????
Ya , know it didn't bother me a bit when those Christians came by today... and ya know what? Yup! They did ... they lost Jesus AGAIN! I have to tell ya , no more clues for them.

(I meant 'please, not to offend anyone)

Answer 5

These are great! high quality mischief. Securely locking them
inside while sneaking out the back might be fun, Especially if you could view, & record there, efforts or prayers to escape.
A divine intervention on film, would certainly earn you noteriety.

Answer 6

I like to go along with what their saying, and get REALLY into it, like 'WOW, and God did all THAT just for ME???'

Then you say something like, 'Sorry, but he's just not what I'm looking for in the afterlife care market, Hillsong have this extended warranty deal going'

Answer 7

Outstanding work, anything that gets up the collective nose of this holier-than-thou religious cult gets my vote. How dare they assume that we non-believers need saving?

PS, I find that answering the door with my pet snake curled around my neck gets a respectably shocked reaction

Answer 8

Why would you think it a good idea to mock people with sincere religious beliefs?

It is surely a better thing to be polite and gracious, even if you say that you have your own set of beliefs, and do not want to be persuaded to take up theirs.

Answer 9

Ask them for their address so you can come round visit them later for a chat about Jimi Hendrix and Seinfeld.

Answer 10

Funny joke, cheers for posting