What do you think about women who won't take their husband's last name?

Question

Just curious to see what everyone's opinion is on this subject. As a man, would you be offended? Women, are you going to/already have taken someone else's last name? If not, why?

Answer 1

i probably wont just because i have had my name my whole life and it is my identity. when i marry i am not changing who i am, just the path i am taking, but i am still me, and why does the women have to take the man's name? just curious. but ya its not that im against it, i just probably would not do it.

Answer 2

It's the way my mother did it and i guess that predisposes me to being totally fine with it. That said, while i think it's terrible that a woman might feel obliged to do so, it has advantages if a family has the same name - whichever person changes or whether hyphenated. A lot of institutions aren't very good at dealing with multi-name families, though hopefully that'll change as it becomes more common. (of course, it's great for my mum when telemarketers ring up and say "is mrs. X" home and she says "sorry, there's nobody by that name here")

One thing though, i do think all the children of a marriage should have the same last name, regardless of how it is generated. It'd be a real shame if they started feeling like they were from different factions or belonged to one side of the family. This is actually the law where i come from - the children can take either name so long as they're all named the same.

- always wanted to marry into the Wang family. Or Blood family.

Answer 3

Today women have a choice. I happened to hyphenate our name. If I was getting married in this time I would just keep my last name and not even bother.
Both my husband and I were from a different generation.

Answer 4

I didn't.

I sometimes used my own name, sometimes hyphenated the two names, and was called, "Mrs. ...." when I went to the school for my kids.

My husband wasn't thrilled, but the way I see it, a secure man should realize that a woman's name is as important to her as his is to him. My father had died. My sister had already used her husband's name. My brother didn't plan to have children. My brother and I were pretty much the end of the line, and I didn't want to just trash my own name in favor of someone else's.

My kids have their father's name. That's how its done usually, and I have no problem with that. I have my father's name too.

My kids came to think of me as having two names and sometimes using only one of them.

The old Jim Croce song, "I got a name" is what comes to mind. To me, if someone cares about me they will not expect me to give up something as basic as my very name.

Answer 5

It's an individual choice that they have every right to make. My mother took my father's last name because she hated hers, but my grandmother kept her maiden name because she hated her husband's name. If I ever got married, I'd keep mine. Well, not exactly — I'm changing it to my other grandmother's maiden name, because it's so much better than the one I have now.

Answer 6

It depends a bit on the reasons, but for the most part I'd see it as a refusal to acknowledge the marriage publicly. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I don't see the benefit in bucking tradition just for the sake of bucking tradition.

I knew a family that got married, kept their separate names. They have three kids, one with his name, one with hers, and one with a hyphenated name. Can you imagine the issues those kids could potentially have? Hopefully their other parenting choices are a bit more unified and consistent.

Answer 7

Uhhhhh...it's great. Especially when the woman has a career. She goes through all the blood, sweat and tears to build up a clientel or to otherwise be know (to be findable) and after that, takes on somebody else's name. The career goes down the toilet.

That's why many women choose to either hyphenate their surnames, or not to change the existing one. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Why don't men take on their wives surname? Could it be because - egad - we live in a PATRIARCHIAL SOCIETY where the bride is literally GIVEN AWAY by her father to her husband at the time of the wedding?

What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. Men should be adopting their wives' surnames more often. Fair is fair, right?

EDIT TO dismantled_robot
I think I can safely assume the GIRL had not invested very much in career. In other words, she HAD NOTHING so she had NOTHING TO LOSE.

Think about it.

Answer 8

I think it's okay. That's how my parents did it. I don't think I would be offended. One time a dated a lady that kept her husband's name after her divorce. She said that she just wanted the same last name as her kids, but I still thought it was weird.

Answer 9

It's their choice, and I don't see what the big deal is. Why should she have to give up a part of her identity if she doesn't want to?

This type of crap are things that should be decided within the couple though.

It's way easier to just keep your original names IMO. I don't see why some men make a big deal out of it, do they see it as a display of dominance?

Answer 10

To me it just doesn't matter.

I took my husband's name because I didn't like my maiden name.

My son's name is his father's last name, even though we were never married.

I have friends who hyphenate their names as well as their kids last names.

Whatever you decide on as a couple is fine by me. Should be fine by everyone else too. It isn't an "Everyone Else" issue.

Answer 11

I havent taken my husbands last name yet. We are still discussing it. its mainly cause the paperwork is a pain in the ***.