I'm not married, yet. But when I do, I want to make sure I never get a divorce, no matter how hard it gets. My family line has been full of divorces and I want it to end with me. Please help I don't want to become a statistic.
2007-10-27 19:24:07 · 24 answers · asked by airforcewolf 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The best way to prevent a divorce is to not allow it to be an option in your marriage. If something goes wrong work it out with your spouse. Be faithful and true, stay committed, communicate and respect each other...these three things are necessary!!!! Pre-marital counseling is highly recommended especially if you've been the product of a lot of divorces (in your family). I had that negative stigma and I'm not going to blame the fear on my current circumstance but I'll tell u this, don't let fear control you and don't let what happened to someone else be a self-fulfilling prophesy of your life. You make your own decisions and you can do better than ppl in the past.
Don't make divorce an option or a way out. And there you go. God bless you sweetie. Marriage is beautiful!
2007-10-27 19:46:23 · answer #1 · answered by BeautifulOne 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The only way you can stop a divorce from happening to you is to go in with the attitude that no woman you will ever marry is going to be perfect. If you find someone who cares about you and is willing to work as hard as you are at staying together, then I think you'll be well ahead of the game. Another thing you can do is marry someone that you really like as a person, not just based on looks. Because with time, sometimes looks can change. So can attitudes, but personality usually stays pretty much the same.
2007-10-28 03:19:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never go to bed angry and/or not talking. You can agree to disagree, people are different and that's not a marriage flaw. End each day in relative peace, at least on your end of things (even if she's not willing to) so you can start the next day fresh. Accept and even embrace the differences between the two of you. Don't let them create a wedge. And work on empathy. Develop your ability to see the way things look from her perspective. Women are emotional. Much more so than men. Be conscious of the way she feels. Share the work load, share the responsibilities, and treat her with respect. Above all, the two of you need to be in love. Don't rush into it. Marriage is a big commitment. Having kids is a commitment that's bigger than both of you. Take your time, talk a lot, and enjoy yourselves. Always remember that you're partners in life. Don't leave her hanging or feeling alone, and don't play head games. This goes back to respect. And no matter how tempted you may find yourself at some point down the road should the opportunity present itself, don't ever cheat on her. She'll know. Destroy the trust and you've destroyed the relationship.
2007-10-28 02:44:18 · answer #3 · answered by complex_wurld 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Marriage, first of all is very sacred, and it should not be taken lightly.... Nowadays people take those marriage vows to be a joke...
I got married when I was 26 years old, and I am a lot older now, but it surely has not been easy, no marital relationship is easy.... It's a matter of two people truly being in love with each other, and about maturity, committment, and trust. It's about persevering.
You first of all have to be true to yourself by getting to know who you are, even before you get into a serious relationship. You have to know what you want out of life, and you have to be sure that you are ready to settle down for the rest of your life. Take marriage seriously, because it truly is a serious matter.
Love yourself so that you will know how to love your spouse, you have to know how it is that you want to be treated, in order to know how to treat your spouse. You can be the one to break that divorce cycle in your family. Your future marriage will be the one to break this viscious cycle. You will be able to live by example to others on how to make a marriage work...
Never go into a marriage thinking that love hurts, love does not hurt, it challenge's you, it chasten's you, but it does not hurt. Love is sweet, kind, gentle, true, it doesn't hold on to the past, it doesn't hold grudges, it doesn't lie, it doesn't boast, it doesn't cheat.... You see love is a action word.... So it is something that has to be worked at, and you must be determined to always make it work.
An arguement or a disagreement is not the grounds for a divorce... so if you find yourself wanting to break up all the time with your lady friend, fiance, before you get married just because of a disagreement, then your not ready yet....
So when you get married, that means that you know that you are going on a battlefield, and that you are fully armoured, thouroughly equipped, ready for whatever comes your way... and your ammunition is love to fight off the enemy!! For Love conquers all and it covers a multitude of sins!!
You see in a marriage you have to die to self, you have to put that woman first, and consider all her needs, wants, and desires. You have to be about pleasing that woman. And she has to do the same for you. Be in it for all the right reasons. Enter into a marriage with the truth, cause if you don't .... it will end with a lie....
I hope the best for you, and I commend you for your desire to be a great husband, and for your plea to not become another statistic of this Divorce Chain....
Speak your desires into existance!
Best wishes to you!
4 Real Peace
2007-10-28 03:20:18 · answer #4 · answered by 4 Real Peace 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Date a long, long time. Ask a lot of questions. Find out her values, her interests and her plans for the future. Tell her yours. Observe her in social settings and see how she treats other people. Are you messy or neat and how is she? Do you want children and does she? What are her political views and her spiritual views. Is she well educated? Do you want her to be a wife and mother and you will bring in the money? Or do you want her to be career minded? Does she drink or use drugs? Does she want a partner or is she domineering and controlling? Is she honest and trustworthy? Is she a good cook? Does she like the same kinds of food you do?
When you first meet someone you are meeting their Representative. It takes a while for the real person to show up. Make sure you know as much about her as you can before you commit to her in marriage. Don't have sex with her until your wedding night.
After you are married, treat her like you want to be treated. Be kind, caring, giving, understanding, selfless, sharing, patient, tolerant, slow to anger and quick to forgive. Be honest and faithful. Be protective and loving.
2007-10-28 02:42:14 · answer #5 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
"How to do I prevent divorce?" Don't get married, it is a proven fact that the number one factor in divorce is marriage.
Seriously, marry someone you WANT to spend the rest of your life with, know them well enough to know that the person they ARE and not the fantasy of the person you WANT them to be are the person you want to marry. know that person well enough to know all of their quirks, habits, little things and know that you will be able to tolerate them all for the next 90 years. Know how they are with money, how much debt they have, what they have saved for "the future". Know their opinions on having children, how many and how far along into the marriage you should start having them. Know who it is you are marrying and don't expect them to change after they say "I do". And conversly don't marry someone who is going to expect YOU to change after you say "I Do". Make sure you share more than one interest but also have your own individual interests so you can keep a conversation going at the dinner table.
2007-10-28 06:25:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this is a really difficult question to answer especially since you don't even know what your situation will be like, but speaking form personal experience. The following might be able to help.
1) Don't be afraid to be open, and honest.
2) Don't give in too easily on disputes, compromises need to go both ways.
3) Don't be overly jealous, and at the same time don't think that everyone who tries to talk to your partner wants them.
4) Try to put yourself into his/her shoes before getting angry over something.
5) Lastly make sure to spend time with each other.
I know if I had stuck more to this list I would have never actually married my Ex-wife. Because it would have been
clearer to me, but life is full of mistakes....
Oh yeah don't be afraid to make mistakes....its okay we are all human.
2007-10-28 02:32:24 · answer #7 · answered by Noah Vangelon 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Make sure you marry the right person and you have a very long engagement to get to know each other even better. Probably a good idea to live together first too.
But really if you are miserable in your marriage and there is lying, cheating or violence you would be better off divorced than staying married and unhappy forever.
Rather be divorced and happy than married and miserable!
2007-10-28 02:28:17 · answer #8 · answered by amber c 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm going through divorce right now and would love to help you out(I wasn't the one who wanted the divorce).. First, If you want to prevent it, make sure when you get married, it's what you want and that you know you can deal with that person. Definately live with them before getting married so you know they dont have crazy items that would bother you.. Just because you love them doesn't mean it'll work out if there are things that they wont change that you cant deal with.. I also suggest later down the road, do things you would normally do when you first start dating(flowers, suprises, etc..) just to keep the relationship out of a rut.. The rest kind of takes care of itself. Arguments will happen, but sometimes bite your lip and tell them you love them. It actually works. :) Best of luck.
2007-10-28 02:29:34 · answer #9 · answered by Scrooby 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I have heard that there are types of marriages you can set up so that if you do want to split up, you have to get counseling before filing for a divorce.
Give the relationship plenty of time to work out any kinks too.
2007-10-28 03:01:52 · answer #10 · answered by rorybuns 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋