Moving ex husband in: clever, or questionable?

Question

I have been divorced from my son's father for 3 years now. He has lived in another state now for most of that time. He's not doing well economically and doesn't pay child support. I've been struggling with our son who has been acting out in school and home since the divorce and I spend a lot on babysitting. I came up with a hypothetical plan to move my ex in so he can cut my sitter costs, by us watching him on opposite work shifts, and also have them bond again and work out some issues my son's been having. We would split rent evenly. I don't have any feelings for my ex since the split, but he often jokes that there's something still between us. Is it possible for an arrangement to work out, or is it only on tv. (Think "All of Us"). If he could be businesslike about it, I think it could benefit us both, at least until he got back on his feet. Be honest, but not mean please!

Answer 1

In theory it sounds like a good plan, but lets think realistically here.. your son is already having issues from the divorce.., so because of mostly this reason, and financial as well, your willing to let your son think everythings great and wonderful and "believe" that his mommy and daddy are getting back together, Which he will no matter what you say, he will pray and hope that with u both under the same roof that things will eventually will go back to how things once were. But they wont, and eventually, u'll either want to move on, or he will want to move on, usually once another bf or gf enter the picture and things get serious.. so ONCE AGAIN, he will have to go through the hurt of losing his dad..its bad enough going through it once, cant u imagine what it may do to him to have his dad ripped away from him twice??????? I dont know if id want to risk doing that to my child twice.. not to mention the confusion of mommy and daddy are back together (which in his mind u will be) then having mommy and daddy going on dates with other people.. i think your going to cause more damage in the long run by doing this, then any real good.. Now if you want to write up some kind of papers that state your husband babysitts for you and perhaps does odd jobs around the house (manly type things) in lew of paying childsupport thats one thing, but i think actually moving him back in and playing house, i think your going to hurt ur son more in the long run especially if theres no chance of you and him getting back together..

Answer 2

It may work. But just a few questions about the situation:

- You mention that your husband is not doing well financially, what if he doesn't keep his end of the deal, will you kick him out? It would probably be harder for your son the second time around seeing his father leave.
- The joking by your ex sounds like he may see this as a chance to get back together.
- You may not be thinking of this yet but what about future relationships for you? Are will be comfortable entertaining potential partners in your house, how will your ex feel?

Not sure if it's possible, but ideally a granny flat outside of the main house for your husband would probably work better. He's on the property, able to raise your son together, able to babysit, lower rent for him due to smaller place, privacy as separate homes.

Answer 3

You must make it very clear to him, first, that you are trying to be a friend -and good friends usually help each other- and that you're also thinking about what could be the solution to your son's acting out. Write down a set of rules for both of you to follow and have him sign in agreement, before moving in with you. Do you have two master bedrooms? It would be great if you did...

Answer 4

There is a reason why he's your ex to begin with right ? He doesn't even pay child support for the child he helped create with you. Now you want him to move in with you to baby sit his own child . In my opinion you are making a HUGE mistake ,First this is going to confuse your son he might get into his head that you're getting back together with his dad. You said yourself that he's not doing well financially and you think that once he moves in with you that you will split things 50/50. You are just setting yourself and your child up for disappointment .I have seen that show but it is a show where they both have jobs and support their son. Please think long and hard before you make this decision .Get some child support order ,even if he works in Mc Donald's a crappy job is better than no job. Lots of luck to you and your son, kids go through stages where they are angels one minute and then devils in the next minute . From a mother of 4.

Answer 5

I think that it will work out. Just let him know the rules before hand. That would definitely help cut cost & indirectly be helping you w/child support. Though hard cash is always good : ) I would at least give it a try & maybe your son will heal better. Then maybe your ex can find a place close by so him & your son can still stay in contact.

Answer 6

If you two are truly over the whole marriage thing then I think it could work! I would set some ground rules before he ever comes to the house and make sure you stick to your guns about them. If he thinks you may still be carrying a torch for him he is more likely to try and get you into bed than be a help. Good luck though!!

Answer 7

My friends father did that years ago. He built a small one room in the backyard and used the rest of the house normally. They raised the kids like a normal family. I would lay down the rules now before he moves in so there are no questions about motives.

Answer 8

you are struggling and you son is acting out.

if the ex moves back in, he helps with your sons events and you cut expenses.

from my perspective its a survival and life improvement move.

its logical.

i say do it. don't listen to flippant advice.

the health, well being of your son has to be one of your most important concerns.

your financial health and happiness are just as important.

if the father of the child can assist you, you son and himself its all to the mutual benefit of all concerned.

what if you find out you are really meant to be a family, that would be a plus.

by all means have him move in and help.

good luck.

Answer 9

Sounds like a great idea! I think this would be extremely beneficial for your son.

Why don't you guys do a "trial period" and revisit how it's working in a few months? This way you can both change your minds if it's not working out.

Answer 10

I would be careful because of his response it sounds as if he's hoping for something to spark back up between the two of you. I f you can work out these issues than I think it could work.