I come from a functional family with parents who are still married (about 40 yrs) but never really showed sexuality towards eachother in front of my sis and I. I haven't had many partners (under 10 and I'm 30!) and the one I enjoyed the most was the last guy with whom I had chemistry for a long time. But the most crucial factor was that he was dominant and a little rough. He almost asphyxiated me too (lightly) and I had the best time. What does this all mean? He even asked why a nice girl like me liked it that way. He pulled my hair a bit and I loved it. I'm normally not subservient in real life either at all. I'm not dominant either I think. Though I WAS the boss in my last relationship (almost a dictator). So. why do I like this guy so much with his hair pulling and domination? I want to be handled.. I don't have a rape or molestation past... Please shed some light and tell me how to recognize a guy who'll be a bit dominant in bed by just talking to him so I can meet more :)
2007-10-27 17:42:37 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
At the risk of getting all the sexually egalitarian people on my back, most women like to be dominated in bed. I would say a normal couple (the women I know) would want the guy to dominate 65-70 percent of the time. That's the ideal. Now, we may find ourselves in relationships where we dominate 70 percent of the time, but those aren't the best.
You're perfectly normal. Please don't over analyze it. Just make sure you select your partners wisely, not everybody deserves your body and running things in bed either. Once you find the right one, you like being dominated, he likes dominating---it's a win-win situation. Probably has something to do with wanting the man to be the driver, while you're being taken care of/protected. Don't let any of the egalitarian stuff ruin your sex life, please---enjoy what comes natural to you. Just make sure you're safe.
I think you can tell by the personality of the guy, his level of experience/confidence and the way he interacts with you. If he can take charge in other situations, chances are, he can take charge in bed too. You can definitely tell by the time you get to 2nd base...if he starts experiencing seizure like symptoms while holding your babies, not knowing how to handle you, I would pretty much give him the pink slip right there.
Good luck!
PS: And I wouldn't openly tell him I want to be dominated---this will send the wrong vibe and may attract people you don't want around. If he's experienced enough, he knows the deal :)
EDIT: Just because you were the boss in the your last relationship doesn't mean you don't like being dominated. As a matter of fact, people who are used to running things and people around all the time, get tired of always being in charge and find it exciting for someone to dominate them for a change. Please be careful with that asphyxiating stuff though :)
2007-10-27 18:23:25 · answer #1 · answered by Lioness 6 · 11⤊ 3⤋
OK, you said he lightly asphyxiated you. That sounds odd. Was it really 'light'? Did you feel in danger at all. If so, this could be a problem. If it's not, your response falls within the 'normal' range of sexual feelings. It could just be the fact that it felt exciting or thrilling (maybe slightly dangerous) and that could set off your endorphins--especially if your life is pretty humdrum. The fact your parents didn't show much sexuality could have helped to keep yours a bit suppressed or dormant, and now you feel a release of pent-up feelings of wanting to be adventurous. Did this guy show you that he cared about you too? In other words, did he show appreciation for your sexuality? If he did, you might have liked that fact even if it wasn't in a so-called conventional way. So long as you are sure that you can trust a partner, I don't think you need to worry, but since you really CAN'T trust someone you know casually 100%, I'd speak to a counselor--not because you're not "normal" but just to get ideas about dealing with things. The only way to 'tell' if someone has the traits you're looking for is to ask, really. You're not a mind reader.
2007-10-27 17:52:22 · answer #2 · answered by holacarinados 4 · 3⤊ 4⤋
First of all, being a "nice girl" has nothing to do with wanting to be dominated in bed.
Our sexual preferences don't necessarily correlate with how we present ourselves in the real world. What goes on in the bedroom is a way of escapism and to let our inhibitions out. You would be surprised at how many "innocent and reserved" people are wild freaks behind closed doors.
A lot of women actually like a bit of dominance and overpowering in the bed, because it's just fun. Plain and simple. As long as you like it, what's the problem?
Yes, I'm atttracted to more aggressive, "take charge" men. I find submissive, "too nice", "worshipping" types too boring and sexually unappealing.
It's just my preference and what turns me on. We can't help what we're naturally attracted to.
2007-10-27 18:25:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I like it too, and my family was somewhat dysfunctional, so I don't think that has everything to do with enjoying a partner (male or female) whom is sexually dominant.
In every other area of my life I don't allow for people to subjugate me in any way, but sexually, I enjoy being dominated and dominating, or equal, mutual fun as well, can go either way...it's all good for me honey! Hehe.
Edit: I forgot to say this earlier, just be careful and safe. :-)
2007-10-27 18:36:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
To me, it's just the variety of sexual experience. Sometimes it's fun to be in charge, sometimes I like a woman to make all the moves and drag me around.
Be careful of the asphyxiation thing though. It can be dangerous and several people have been killed accidentally when it went got held too tight for too long.
2007-10-27 18:29:47 · answer #5 · answered by Steve-O 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm the same way, i tend to look for guys way older than me because of this. i was never molested or raped either. i think maybe it's just the way most women are, submissive and guys tend to be more dominate, so it's attractive to women.
2007-10-27 18:13:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
So, you discovered that you enjoy being a sub in bed. Great! You won't be able to know if a guy is dominant in bed by just talking to him. You'll have to ask him specifically.
2007-10-27 17:46:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Stop trying to figure out what makes you tick and just enjoy it. As long as it's between consenting adults and nobody is getting hurt, then any kind of sex is awesome. You are a prize because you know what you want and aren't afraid to verbalize it.
2007-10-27 19:00:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
it gives you a feeling of being protected. Like the male is going to be there for you. At least thats what i think. I feel like i no that he is going to be there for me and can handle things like a grown up.
2007-10-27 17:46:37 · answer #9 · answered by AlLiE S. 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You may like being overwhelmed and the "sex toy" of this guy.
Just make sure you have code words in place so he knows when he is going too far
2007-10-27 17:48:05 · answer #10 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋