can anyone help me with this legal question ?

Question

is there any way to find out, before you are served with divorce papers, that someone has filed ?? how can you find out ? and also, if they file first and you have a small child together, are they able to get whatever they want since they filed first ? what do you do ? just get an attorney and file against them ? if you want sole custody, not joint, how can you get that and them only get visitation?? the reason i ask is because my sister is going thru this right now. she has a son less than 2 and her husband is jealous of her relationship w/the child and resents the baby for coming between them. he thinks she gives the baby more attention so he told her he'd divorce her if she didnt start sending the baby away to someone elses house because he got tired of him being around. of course she chose the baby and he told her to leave and he'd even help her pack. she's been at my parents the past week and he hasnt been to see the baby or call to check on him in 3 days.

he also didnt offer her any $$ for diapers or milk when he got paid a few days ago. instead, he has been drinking and partying at his sisters house all weekend. she also heard he was going to see a lawyer yesterday. no word from him though. he is staying at his families so she is getting her stuff out tonight. he has never cared for the baby and has no relationship or bond with him. he sleeps all day til he goes to work and play video games when he gets home at night. he never feeds, bathes, clothes the baby- she has done 100% since day one. he wouldnt even know what size diapers to buy if he had to or the pediatricians name. the baby hasnt asked for him once in the past 7 days. he doesnt even miss his dad. my point is, can my sister fight to get sole custody since he has never taken care of his son and still continues to not ? she told him she wants sole custody and he visitation and he said he would let the courts decide. how can she get sole custody ? he is a horrible husband-dad.

Answer 1

Your question is a rather hard one and what I am going to tell you is a similar situation that happened with my daughter. First off I'm not a lawyer and would suggest that she do seek out one and that she files if a divorce is what she wants.
From the sound of what he had told your sister, if I would be her I would have chose the baby over him as well. It sounds like he has some serious issues and the baby would not be is a safe environment if left alone with him. In my daughter's case, her now ex husband was the same way after their son was born. It began within 4 months of the baby's birth with him feeling jealous over the child getting more attention then him. In their case he threatened my daughter and even told her to choose, then tossed her stuff out the door when she told him that he was nuts suggesting such a thing. Two days later I found her a lawyer and had to help pay for the divorce as he cut her off from all the accounts leaving her and my grandson with nothing! In the divorce we had a court order drawn up that he could only have supervised visitation, that he had to see counseling, and he was ordered to pay child support. To this day now 5 years later he had never done any of those things. My daughter filed for sole legal and physical custody, which after the judge read the allegations of what he had done there was no problem in her getting it along with the divorce. Since that time I helped care for my grandson while she got a job, later he went on to pre-school and then school while she worked. She this past year remarried a very nice guy who loves her and my grandson. He is looking to adopt him in the near future. We haven't seen or heard from my daughter's ex since the time of the divorce which he didn't even bother to show up for. I wish her the best of luck and you are welcome to write me if you wish I could explain more about it to you or her.

Answer 2

Wait for the service to arrive. This is merely a petition to the court to consider the dissolution of the marriage based on the facts listed in the complaint. Just because the husband may have filed first, that does not mean that all that he is seeking in his complaint will be granted by the court.
In fact, if the wife is not presently working and has not for a large part of the marriage, the husband (despite his state of unhappiness) would be a fool to file at this time as the wife would be entitled to child and spousal support.
As to custody, what is in the best interest of the child determines what parent becomes the custodial parent. Since this fellow has made his feelings toward the child known, chances are (in addition to NOT winning Father of The Year any time soon) wont be leaving the courthouse with the child. Worse, he may have to attend parenting classes before he is granted unsupervised visits with his son.
I would suggest keeping a diary with a detailed time line of the events surrounding their separation, especially since the husband knows the location of his wife and child and hasnt been by to visit. A parent who is concerned about his child will make an effort despite the differences between him and mom. Also, put together a lineup of folks who have witnessed his poor behavior. Unless he is dripping with money, chances are, he will leave the divorce proceedings with next to nothing. Good Luck

Answer 3

If he's filed, legally they've got to try and send her copies of the paperwork, but if they haven't been able to find her or whatever, she can do a public records search pretty easily, but it's kind of pointless.
If you file first, that doesn't mean you get everything, it means you filed first, that's it. Your sister just needs to get her own lawyer and have them do the dirty work. It involves a lot of counter offers, tension, and stress, and with a child it makes it a thousand times more emotional.
Unless your sister can prove that her husband is unfit to care for the child (difficult to prove, trust me), chances are slim that she'll get sole custody. Judges generally don't like to separate kids from their parents unless they would be in true jeopardy. But she can go for primary custody and they can duke it out. I think mediators are the best bet for custody battles. MUCH cheaper than lawyers, and the judges look fondly upon people willing to mediate rather than make the judge decide for them.
Husband sounds like a jackass. Tell your sister that if she gets a good lawyer, they will walk her through everything, and try not to let her emotions get the best of her. Judges hate spiteful parents (like the ones that won't let the husband see the kids if he doesn't pay support).
It's a divorce, it's ugly, you have to grin and bear it for a while, but after a while it's nothing more than a bad memory. Good luck to your sister.

Answer 4

if he has not filed ( you can check the family court records )
then file first
if he has filed then you can contest as he cannot get an uncontested divorce
there is a good chance
he'll lose
and end up paying
child support ( up to 25 years )
alimony
and lose custody ( sole ) of the child since he demonstrates a lack of interest
as for signing
a judge can / and will decide if both sides do not come to an agreement
since one a divorce is filed there is nothing to do to stop if one wants a divorce, the judge cannot, lawyers can stall, but evetually the divorce will happen

Answer 5

If he filed for divorce, he is already paying a lawyer (its out of his pocket - it won't be from hers), and all she needs to do is wait for the paperwork. Why would the court award him custody?...she is providing a stable home and she just needs to maintain a stable environment - home, family etc. When the paperwork comes, she can go to a lawyer say she wants to retain sole custody (keep it simple to keep the costs down) and send it to his lawyer. Let him absorb the costs of lawyers. She will keep her child and he can go to the lawyers to fight, but will have to prove that he can provide a better life to get full custody, or an equally stable life to get joint custody,. But she won';t lose her son unless she is proven to not be able to provide her son a stable environment. Keep family around and support her and the baby. all she needs to do is carry on with her life and wait for him to pay for a lawyer to serve her. but it is just him serving notice he wants a divorce etc, the court will still decide what is best for the child., it will be ok. good luck.

Answer 6

Both party's have to agree and sign the papers for divorce.Even if he files first. Make sure you or him understand the papers before you sign. Because some one will has payed for the first papers filed and some one will pay an attorney again if you sign something you didn't like in the papers the first time you signed them and want them changed.Sit down and write down what you want from this. You will have to convince him or the court to give you sole custody.

Answer 7

First of all it doesn't matter WHO files for divorce first. that has nothing to do with custody. Secondly nope the only way you can find out if he has filed for divorce is if you get served. The best thing to do is to file oneself. He doesn't have to see the baby or anything. It is his CHOICE...but I do suggest that your sister file for child support, they will garnish his wages... as far as custody/visitation that is up to the court to decide, not your sister, unless she wants to fight with the court and then her entire case can be thrown out and they can step in and put the baby into foster care until SHE complies with court orders. He may be a lousy dad but SHE has to follow the law.

Answer 8

she needs an attorney - go to legal aid if she can't afford one - He may take his time to file because she may get the house, and will certainly get child support he has to pay so he is in no hurry more than likely. she will also be able to get sole custody and if he asks for visitation, make it supervised although me may not even what that if he wanted her to send the baby away during the day. I hope things work out for her!!.

Answer 9

You sister needs to keep a diary of everything, what her husband is doing, if and when he gives her money for anything, how he wants her to send the baby away, where he works and h ow much he makes. Then she needs to find a good divorce attorney. And tell her not to settle for joint custody. If he's that jealous of the baby he needs SUPERVISED visitation. If he's out getting drunk the attorney needs to know that,too.Good Luck!

Answer 10

yes . you can chech at the clecks office where there filed at . in your county. my opion?