How can I get over the fear of making mistakes? What causes perfectionism?

Question

I have a dreadful fear of making mistakes in all areas of my life. It hampers my progress in all of my activities, from drawing to simply trying to learn something. I often refrain from trying new things because I don't want to mess up.
The thought of making a mistake in anything terrifies me. It's gotten worse over the years. I seem to have an avoidant personality and I sometimes find myself being an "escapist". I don't dabble in drugs, but I do other things to escape like listening to music, exercising, playing guitar, watching TV, etc.
in order to avoid doing something where I can I possibly make a mistake or where an inadequacy could be exposed. I don't know why it terrifies me so much. It is irrational. I consider myself a pretty rational person, but this seems to be an area where I cannot help but behave irrationally.
How does this disorder originate? How can I get over it?

Answer 1

Fear of criticism often has roots in depression. When you're depressed, criticism doesn't just hurt - it smothers you. So you defer doing anything so you don't do anything wrong but that turns you into a procrastinator, which gets you just as much criticism and now you haven't accomplished anything either. No wonder it's easier to just escape. But you know what you're doing is wrong for you, or else you wouldn't be asking for advice.

I would speak with a therapist and see if you have an underlying depressive condition. You don't have to turn into a pill-popping psychiatric patient caraciture to feel better - maybe just a few conversations and a short dose of (legal - going to jail on a drug charge is not likely to lift your mood) medication to even out your emotions might give you a chance to see things a new way. Best of luck.

Answer 2

Theres a lot of ppl that have that problem but one good thing u got going for u is that u know its a problem and u wanna fix it.. a lot of "perfectionists" think thats the only way to go through life. Im sure ur gonna get a lot of responses on here saying "dont worry about it" and "we all make mistakes" but thats so cliche and u already know that. U say u refrain from trying new things, force urself too.. not necesarily something major or even in public but new things and home and also u can even try things u know u'll fail at and u'll feel really uncomfortable when u do but slowly and eventually u'll learn to cope with it. Examples u could try playing a song or doing sumthin with ur guitar that u know u can't do and that u can see urself getting pissed/upset about, or if ur a perfectionist with work sumhow then force urself to accept when u mess up. Bottom line is u get over it by forcing u too (or of course if ur comfortable with a therapist they can help grealty too).. ppl can tell u that its ok to fail and no1's perfect and all that but u know u need to change and try to force urself too slowly and in trying new things..

oh and as far as how it originates.. ppl have many theories about that but it mostly goes back to ur childhood and how ur parents raised u such as did they accept u not being the best, do u feel u had to prove sumthin to them, etc.. Ur answer to those r probably no and so just think back and try to think what may have caused it but even in not knowing how its caused it can still be fixed

Answer 3

I believe it starts from you not having self esteem or low self esteem. If you try something and are wrong people might not like you or you won't like yourself. You need to let things go and relax. People should like you no matter how good you are. You should like yourself/ love yourself with all your faults and greatness. Mistakes make you a better person, smarter person and a nicer person. Without mistakes how will you ever better yourself? How can you find compassion for those who error if you have never erred yourself. So embrace your life and the good and "bad" . Love everything you do.

I meant that when you were really young you may have not had good self esteem or may have had many people putting you down. Some people do bad things to get attention and others do the opposite to get attention, from parents or other authority figures.

Answer 4

There are a number of reasons one could have for this behavior, but none of them are that important. You have to get past the source and move on to the future. The thought I always keep in my head is: You don't learn from doing things right you learn from making mistakes. Doing things correctly all the time leads to superstitious and rigid behavior. Making mistakes and learning to continue after them leads to fluidity, tolerance, and flexibility. Think of the positive features of making mistakes and learning from them.

Answer 5

Accept that none is beyond committing mistakes and mistakes at times turn beneficial to the one who make it. Even divine persons make mistakes and the creation was one that affected billions according to me.

Answer 6

I'm not sure how it originates. but don't worry about it. every single person makes mistakes. that means that their functioning perfectly. you said you play the guitar. one thing to do is to join a band or something that your good at, and soon it will help. i also suggest that you just go into prayer, and god will help you help yourself.

Answer 7

tell everyone your taking a vacation from being perfect so if anything goes wrong its their fault