How can I get my wife to lower her sex drive?

Question

My wife has a stronger sex drive than me- she seems to want sex every day- once every 2 weeks is enough for me, but could without it. Why risk having an unwanted pregnancy? I told her we should only have sex if and when we want to have kids-
Plus Im not interested in some of the perverted activities like giving or getting oral sex, and lay that law down, and she seems all bent out of shape..
I think she'd being really immature and selfish-How can i get her to tackle her sex drive? I suggested she go to therapy...any advice?

I'm 45, my wife is 33.
Oral sex is not natural- i am a Christaian, and Christians do not engage in that perversion....

I told my wife we will not have sex if im not in the mood, end of story- then she throws a emotional hissy fit. I have kids from my first marriage, but don't want kids with my 2nd wife untl I decide.
I just think she's being selfish- Is there some vitamins I can add to her food to decrease her sex drive?

I'm Catholic, I do not beleive in artificial contraception.
The sole purpose of sex is for a married man and woman to produce offspring- sex for pleasure is fornication, a grave sin

Answer 1

I applaud you for your religious convictions however, as a Catholic I'll have to point out some flawed misconceptions you have about the faith.

Firstly, it is not a sin if sex is shared between husband and wife for bonding purposes. If you read the the Cathechism of the Catholic church it states:
The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of the spouses takes place are noble and honorable; the truly human performance of these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and enriches the spouses in joy and gratitude."144 Sexuality is a source of joy and pleasure: The Creator himself . . . established that in the [generative] function, spouses should experience pleasure and enjoyment of body and spirit. Therefore, the spouses do nothing evil in seeking this pleasure and enjoyment. They accept what the Creator has intended for them.

Hence, the Catholic church does promote the sexual intimacy that the married couples share just that apart from the pleasure and the intimate joy shared through the giving of each other, the couple should also be open to the formation of a new life. Sex is NOT soley for the purposes of recreation. God made us sexual beings and to embrace our sexuality.

Secondly, as much as oral sex seems perverted to you it is not moral, even for married couples, to seek to achieve male orgasm outside of normal intercourse. Having said that, you may wish to refer to the following points on Christian sexuality,
Applying the guidelines to Christian oral sex :

Like many sexual actions, oral genital stimulation is not inherently good or bad as long as it's not used as an alternative to intercourse, or to achieve male orgasm.

Christian oral sex can't deliberately result in male climax. That would not be keeping open to fertility. (Female orgasm is not under the same restriction!)

Some couples may enjoy it, while others may not. Christian oral sex certainly can be a part of sexual pleasure within a loving marriage, whether pursued during foreplay or after intercourse.

Lastly, if you wish not to risk pregnancy then you can talk to your wife and reach a compromise where methods of birth regulation based on self-observation and the use of infertile periods can be considered. Denying yourself from your wife may make her feel less appreciative of herself and is not Christian so as to speak.

Instead of belittling her as being 'really immature and selfish' why don't you communicate your feelings and not just brush her off as saying a complete no to her desires. If you can talk to her with tender loving care and at the same time with your religious convictions help her to realise your boundaries, both of you can come to a compromise while sharing in the love of each other.

I hope for further clarifications, you refer to the Catholic websites listed below to reinforce or or to debunk your misconceptions about the faith.

For the rest of those non-Catholics, it may help serve as an instrument of education that shows that we are not against marital bliss.

Answer 2

Lack of sex pressure may also be some thing from genetic, to emphasize, there isn't a real option to tell what could be inflicting it. I detect you have got quite a few kids and that is unusual that you've got this kind of tremendous household and are so willing to support her in some thing method that you can. I ought to say having six youngsters although could have an impact on on any one's intercourse force =[ You're trying all you can and you sound like a very loving husband, and the people of Yahoo Answers can only help you so much, but I'd like to try and help if I may =] you are already watching after the kids and taking stress off her which is a high-quality begin, even though she may not show it, she mostly appreciates this more than you realize. Pamper her, make her consider very loved, certain, cared for and beautiful, massages, romantic baths together, anything which you could along those strains, and also you could to discover her libido perk up again a little bit. If all else fails you both have got to have a colossal discussion about what you two could do to support her, intercourse therapy might be or something an identical could help? I am hoping my comments have been of use to you, all of the first-class

Answer 3

I can't believe this question is serious. You've got to have some sort of medical or mental problem for this to be happening. Your poor wife. Have you been married long? Did you discuss or have sex before you married? You lied to and tricked the woman if she married you anyways or if you kept your selfishness a secret.

By the way, if you don't want children, use contraceptives. Besides, if an unwanted pregnancy occurs, it's her body that has to deal with it if you two choose to terminate, not you.

EDIT: It's fine that you don't believe in 'artificial contraceptives' but your wife can go on the pill. Again, it's her body. Besides, the pill has so many benefits even if I wasn't sexually active, I'd continue to take it.

My guess is that the real issue here is erectile dysfuntion and he's using religion as a scapegoat to get out of admiting he's lost his mojo!

Answer 4

Speaking as a woman I think once every two weeks is not much at all. If I am married I think at least once a week is ideal I cant imagine being in a situation when I have to beg my husband to have sex. I dont think your wife is being selfish at all, i think the problem is that you have a low sex drive. Maybe there is a problem with sexual attraction.

Advice:
-You can do other intimate things that are not sex.
Ex: kissing, talking, picnic, etc...
-while birth control and contraceptives are not 100% effective i think that as long as you make sure that you are safe 100% of the time
-when you have baby's you wont have time to have sex much so better do it now!
-maybe talk to your doctor about increasing your sexual drive
-talk with your wife

Its kind of a weird situation bc generally men have a greater sex drive then women. Sex is something women use to get things from men since we know they have to have it.

Answer 5

I think your wife is the more normal of the two; it's you who need to catch up! See a Dr. and get a testosterone check. You're using unwanted pregnancy as an excuse. There are other ways to prevent pregnancy other than abstaining, and abstaining in a marriage is not healthy!.

Incidentally, what happens between a man and his legal wife in the privacy of their home, and which does not bring harm to either, is not "perverted". You should not be "laying that law down"- you don't own her!

If you can't get professional counseling, I suggest that you get out of this marriage, marry someone who is cold and sexless, and let your life go and have some fun. Life is too short, shorty.

Answer 6

wow, If you are a Christian or Catholic, read Songs of Solomon in the bible...what happens between a husband and wife is not sin because they are MARRIED!!! Sex is only a sin if done outside of marriage. Oral sex is not a sin...you people are the ones who give christianity a bad name. And talk about selfish, you said you don't kids until YOU decide...thats a little selfish in itself my friend...and to lower your wife's sex drive is a sin!!! haha jk, but maybe you're the one with the problem if you can go every 2 weeks without it. you could have a medical issue that is decreasing your libido...I'd talk to your Dr. and find out which one is outside the norm, you or your wife!!!

Answer 7

Aww. I know how she feels and Im difenitely on her side! There are was to prevent pregnacy.(Pills, condoms, spermicide). That is just a really bad excuse. I think you are the one who needs a boost in your sex drive. Maybe you could take some Viagra or Livetra or just be more open to her suggestions. If you make your wife wait 2 weeks she'll probably be in a bad mood because of all that built up tension. Make a compromise. Maybe every other day. Or offer to give without recieving.

Answer 8

I think its you that has the problem. Just because you have been married before, now you want to withhold sex from your present wife? How selfish of you. Sex acts between husband and wife is perverted to you? Sir, you have lots of sexual hangups and I believe you are the one that needs therapy not your wife. Your ideas about sex are misguided, perverted, straight laced and all mixed up. Why didn't you discuss this before you got married? Now you only want to have sex to produce a child? What is your problem? You are doing a grave injustice to your marriage, and my prediction is that it is doomed if you continue to be this way with your wife. Your wife is not oversexed. She wants to show her love and affection to you which is normal between husband and wife...If I were in her shoes, I would walk out the door, and never look back. You have the hangups, you have the problems, and you need psychiatric help quick. Don't blame this on your wife..as you are the culprit in this argument. You need a sex therapist, not her. You need to learn about how to please a woman in the sex act...Put the blame where it belongs, right in your lap...

Answer 9

I think there is someone immature and selfish in the relationship but its not your wife. You can't lower your sex drive! There isn't a therapist in the world who can help with that. But you can find a husband that can handle it. Who wants to have sex on a schedule(only when your ready to have kids?????????) they do have Birth Control now days. There is no such thing as an unplanned pregnancy! Chances are if your pregnant you wanted to be. You either were too lazy to prevent it, or you messed up on your prevention method.

Answer 10

What she's requesting is actually considered VERY normal, even in days gone by. I think you should BOTH seek marriage counseling, as it's very rare to hear of a man who isn't interested in sex in this manner. There's no way to lower someone else's sex drive. Was she always this way? Or was she on the same page you are from the time you got married and has suddenly changed? These are factors to be considered.