My husband and I have been married for 5 years and we hardly ever have sex. Maybe once or twice a month. I always find p0rn on our computer though. He says he just wants to have sex during the day and just wants to go to sleep at night, but I want to have sex at night. I work 10 hours a day and get home about 6pm he gets off work at 3:30pm. So he has time to unwind where is I am "unwound" by bed time. I am the only person he has ever been with, but he has never really had much of a sex drive. I am 24 and he is 26. I dont know how to fix this problem and to be honest I am getting tired of it. Thanks for your help.
2007-10-27 14:28:27 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I dont really have a problem with P0rn But it IS a problem when I am not getting any!
2007-10-27 14:34:14 · update #1
hi it seems as you have really lost your sexual connection, i would explain your concerns to him and try to get him to help improve your current situation, even if it requires councelling. If he is unwilling to co-operate at all it may become a real issue for the survival of your relationship.....
2007-10-27 14:38:06 · answer #1 · answered by misstth 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I'm glad to hear you dont have issues with the porn because porn really has nothing to do with a sexual appetite between a husband and wife it is just a means to an end in hiding the real issues that are causing the non-communications between married couples and the inability to process and evaluate the problems within the marriage.
The fact he finishes work almost 3 hours before you and the fact he claims night time is for sleep day time is for sex is a bit childish and I would wonder what his real reason for not wanting it is because that has to be the lamest excuse I have heard in my 35 years of life.
he need to man up and admit what the issue is but as men can be ignorant and stubborn unless he does open up to you , your basically hitting your head against a brick wall.
All I can seriously suggest is that you maybe come home have dinner leave the dishes till later entice him into a shower with you and try to seduce him in there and see how it goes if he is non-compliant then something is going on and you need to find out what. Good luck.
2007-10-27 14:52:37 · answer #2 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The one thing that comes to mind is to try something different. I know he gets tired but if you want to spice things up, look at the porn he's looking at and get some ideas. Those women usually just go up to the guy and ........
Try doing that in nothing but a pair of high heels and see what he does. If you two wake up at the same time in the morning, try some morning sex and see if that gives him something to think about.
And there are also weekends! If you two can't work this out by trying different things, try talking to someone about it. A professional can give you better advice than a bunch or strangers!
Good luck!
2007-10-27 19:14:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
well he is quite a scheduler...you work like crazy and he just want to have sex when is convenient for him? ha!
You can start by giving him the good chance...when you get from work, take out all your clothes and be like that...if that does not work, give him the bad chance and tell him exactly that you are tired of it...that there is no part that says that sex is only for his pleasure and in fact you can't have sex during the day because you are never there...so if his choice...to have sex with you in a timely matter when both can and considering your schedule or he can be looking for a good lawyer. You are too young to not be enjoying a wonderful sex life. And the porn thing...don't worry about it, if you are not into it...don't push yourself. There are people, must men but there are women too, that are very visual and needs stimulation in different ways but you do something with that stimulation. By the way, yeah must people sleep at night but at what time he needs to go to sleep? at 7pm? and 26? is he sick?
2007-10-27 14:43:38 · answer #4 · answered by yada yada 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Maybe he is not interested in sex with you because it has become boring. Also take into account that not every man is a horn dog.
I know it seems unbelievable but is can happen. There are some men who are just not that interested in having sex all the time. Maybe he looks at porn to help him get aroused. It seemed like you and your husband need to talk about your relationship and the sex not happening in your relationship
2007-10-27 14:54:02 · answer #5 · answered by sparkling_apple 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's not that rare. Regular men are not like the men on soap operas and in the movies. I'm pretty much the same as your husband (except for the porn) in that I like to go to sleep at bedtime. My wife is like you - she wants it at bedtime. I would be glad to do it then, but she wants about an hour of foreplay before sex. If we could just do the sex part and then go to sleep I would be much more for it. I, too, have suggested that she come home early and let's do it before the kids get home, but she won't.
I don't have an answer for you except that your problem is probably the norm, so don't get too torn up about it.
2007-10-27 14:36:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wow a never had that problem and I'm not one to just give up but if the drive was never really their then it may never bust into a full flame that you so desire at this stage in life. One thing to keep in mind is that life is short and the years will go faster and faster so don't lessen your life waiting for someone that may never give you all that you need.
Mrs.G-unit
you have to refraze that to say some men
2007-10-27 14:37:17 · answer #7 · answered by ULTRA150 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I'd have a problem with porn if he's taking the edge off with it rather than saving his best performance for me there's a problem girlfriend...sit down talk and compromise on a time early morning maybe? I know it sounds weird but you have to do something
2007-10-27 19:58:42 · answer #8 · answered by only1sol2000 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow, That's a tough one. I would just turn the tables around. Go home at night and lock your self in the bed room and look at porn, or buy some toys and see how that makes him feel. Maybe he will start to rethink what he has been doing. Girls need sex too!
2007-10-27 14:32:46 · answer #9 · answered by randi_jenik 1 · 2⤊ 2⤋
When my boyfriend and I first got together it seemed like he had a really low sex drive also. We never had sex. But then i discovered his porn collection on the computer. And like you, it wasn't the porn I had a problem with, it was that he was watching porn almost every day, and it was greatly cutting into Our *time* together. It became a habit for him. He was single for so long before we met each other, that it was like an addiction. He was just used to it. I sat him down and talked to him about it. I told him it hurt my feelings, at that it seemed like he wasn't attracted to me, and all the other feelings I had about it. He said that he loved me, and he didn't realize it was having such an effect on me. Because he wanted to make ME happy, he tried really hard not to watch porn as much, and he started to focus on me more. Our relationship is now stronger, and we are both happier. Sit down and really talk to him about how it makes you feel. If he truly loves you, he will try to change.
2007-10-27 14:42:04 · answer #10 · answered by Stark 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Sex is a lot of work for guys. When your tired, night time isn't always a good idea. I like daytime shags the best myself, or first thing in the morning.
If he uses being tired as an excuse, offer him a handjob or a BJ or to go cowgirl. If he turns that down, something else is up. Don't hold the porn against him, try to use it to your advantage. Tell him you don't mind him watching it but you'd prefer to be there with him
2007-10-27 14:33:43 · answer #11 · answered by Jason A 2 · 1⤊ 4⤋