I have 2 girls who are 8&9, when they were about 1 year and 1 month old their dad got arrested for molesting the oldest, I had his parental rights terminated a few years later, I have had off and on contact with his mom, I send her school photos once a year and have invited her and the family (minus their dad) to the girls birthday partys, well today I called his mom to get her address to send this years school photos and he was there, he did his time and got out about 11/2 years ago and is going through treatment and getting his life back together, well I talked to him for a while, at the time it happened I hated him for hurting my daughter but it has been 8 years, I don't know how I feel now, I will always hate him for what he did but I don't hate him anymore, we had a good relationship before this whole thing happened, and I do miss him sometimes, would it be wrong of me to meet with him sometime when the girls are gone at school or at the sitters and have a cup of coffee?
2007-10-27 13:59:49 · 10 answers · asked by pumpkin2 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
is it wrong of me to still think about him?
2007-10-27 14:00:49 · update #1
he is not allowed to be around the girls until they are 18 and I would never let him be but there is nothing stopping us from talking.
2007-10-27 14:02:22 · update #2
I will have to meet up with him at some point, one part of his treatment is that him, me and his group leader have to get togther so he can officially apologize to me face to face.
2007-10-27 14:42:36 · update #3
It would be fine for you to meet with him and it is normal to think about him. However, I think you know deep in your heart his problem is something that cannot be rehabilitated...it can be controlled to a degree with medication and he cannot present himself with opportunities. It might give you some closure to the situation to meet with him.
When the girls are older, you can give them the option of having contact with him. Let it be their choice. But the bottom line is, no matter who he was before it happened, the fact is, he molested your child...HIS CHILD. It's normal to want to seek out what good you know is in that person...after all, you did love him very much and he is their father. But, the reality is that their safety and well-being outranks anything else. But I think you already know that and have proven you will keep them safe.
2007-10-27 14:06:48 · answer #1 · answered by Smooch The Pooch 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Forgiveness is much better for your soul. You probably feel this way because he's been seeking help, when a person's inner attitude changes so does their physical appearance and I'm pretty sure you are sexually aroused by him still.
When you are a forgiving person you will become more favored in the eye's of Allah and in return you will be rewarded with a more beautiful attractive outter appearance (from my experience)
The Holy Bible. Mark 11:25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.
The Holy Quran. Surah 15: (The Rocky Tract) verses 85- 86.
85. We created not the heavens, The earth, and all between them, But for just ends. And the Hour is surely coming (when this will be manifest). So overlook (any human faults) With gracious forgiveness.
86. For verily it is thy Lord Who is the Master- Creator, Knowing all things.
2007-10-27 21:34:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Learn something from a child's book
If you give a mouse a cookie.........he will want a glass of milk.......and then...
What he did your oldest is unforgivable. He is a beast. Make no mistake.......you betray your children to let him into your life again.
Your children can not afford for you to romanticize about the lie you used to live.
You had a good relationship....before this all happened. Well maybe if he's a bit sneakier this time.....you can have a wonderful relationship. Putting the safety of your children on the line is worth it........right ???
Maybe instead of missing him.....you should find a man who will be good to you......and a positive male role model for your children.
Sometimes the hardest part of being a mother.....is to put your wants, and desires on the shelf.....to just concentrate on being a mother.
2007-10-27 21:57:58 · answer #3 · answered by saltydawg02 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
remember the more you talk to him, the more he will know what is going on in your life. At some point in time if he decides to repeat his old life style, he will already have all the information he needs to come back into the girls life's.... No matter what type of relaitionship you had before you can never forgive him or forget what he has done.....
2007-10-27 21:14:42 · answer #4 · answered by michteddybear1969 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to cut yourself off... don't meet with him, because this will just bring up old feelings and it will bring you farther into a situation where you do not know what to do. you may fall inlove with him again and think about him even more. you have to move on and find someone else. don't bring him back into your life, or else you will be scrutinizing over what happened and trying to figure it out and dealing with so much anger towards him.
2007-10-27 21:26:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitly do not get in a relationship with him! That has to be the worst thing someone could ever do to a child and it is unforgivable! You should try to just forget about him and move on to someone else.
2007-10-27 21:09:35 · answer #6 · answered by Brittany 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If I was you I would have nothing to do with him. Just because he served his time and is now getting treatment does NOT mean he has changed or that he won't re-offend
2007-10-27 21:26:08 · answer #7 · answered by eleanor67 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you didn't see it coming the first time - do you trust your judgment now?
as they say, a leopard doesn't change its spots - find someone else to have coffee with.
2007-10-27 21:15:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand if u want to talk to him. but don't let him persuade u to let him anywhere near the girls. and don't give him any pictures either. what he did was disgusting and he has a sick mind. if you want to talk to him then go ahead. but for the safety of the children i wouldn't even suggest meeting him anywhere near your house. if it was my situation i wouldn't talk to him at all.
2007-10-27 21:07:28 · answer #9 · answered by complicated 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
that is selfish
2007-10-27 21:05:50 · answer #10 · answered by Apple 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋