My husband is a working hard man. He works from 4am and finishs around 10pm or later. He makes around $20K/m. We don't have problem with financial but we don't have happiness in our marriage life neither. He just can't give up drinking habits. He doesn't like to go out. We never spend a vacation together. He always working almost 24/7. I asked him to get away for just a few days, he refused. Talk about our sex life is very bad. In two years, we have sex about 8 times with unsatified. He likes watching Adult Movie when he drinks. I want to leave him but I feel guilty becuase he's not cheating on me but I'm not happy. I'm getting stress and loosing a lot of weight becuase of his action. What should I do? Please help me....
2007-10-27 13:54:03 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honey, if you've been trying to get him to fix this for two years, then you might need to just admit that you can't change him and he doesn't want to change himself.
Sit down, try talking to him again....explain how you feel and that you want a husband again, not just a roommate.
If he won't try to work this out with you and/or get counseling with you, I'd file for the divorce.
2007-10-27 13:59:35 · answer #1 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your situation. We always assume those with money are happy, but it is becoming more and more obvious that's not the case. I am a Pastor, but I will try to give you some help without all the church talk :-) It is obvious to me that your husband is seeking self-worth from wealth and job accomplishments. He probably feels that it is requireing more from him all the time to get the same fulfillment. However, it is not filling the void in his life so he is trying to medicate with alcohol and non-commital sex from movies and such. When a guy feels like life is take, take, take, all of the time...he begins to feel bitter towards anyone who needs something from him. that is why real sex with you is non-frequent. When having sex with you...he has to give and share, and be open. I'm sure he is a good-willed person and is not intentionally hurting you, but he is (wether true or not) feeling unappreciated for all of his "effort". There will be a lot of people who will tell you to leave him...but I think if you are willing to go against the grain and do some things that require a humbe attitude, you can still have a great marriage and save him from the cycle he is on at the same time. (By the way, he is cheating on you. Getting primary emotional support and sexual release from anyone other that your spouse IS cheating; even if it is a movie). Anyway...because of the way you rightfully feel, I'm sure you have stopped being "sweet" long ago. When homelife is chaotic and argumentative, and depressing, it just reinforces the lie in his mind that work is the only place he is valued and appreciated. If I were you I would try to find suttle ways of reinforcing his value at home. I would do things and say things that showed appreciation. I would find a safe mature lady friend to vent with and share with so you are not all bottled up with anger when he comes home. I would not make it so obvious that it looks like you are making him a project or something. If he notices a change and asks about it, just say something like, "Aw nuthin', I was just thinking about you today and about how well you provide for us and I just felt like doing something nice for you." After a little while, wait until a non-intense time when everything is relaxed and then mention, "Honey, I've really noticed how hard and long you have been working lately and I want to take you some where fun and relaxing for a couple of days...If you had the time where would you like to go?" Maybe, just maybe you can get him to dream with you a little until he desires the same thing you do. Unfortunately, there are no magic answers in marriage, but I hope this helps a little.
God Bless - Pastor Russ
2007-10-27 21:31:00 · answer #2 · answered by Pastor Russ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried to talk to him about all this. Money will never make you happy.
Do you think that you will be happier without him in you life or with a sober man? I think that you two really need some help. Your husband seems to be a workaholic. That is a bad thing to break and with alcoholism on top of that, you have a big mess.
It doesn't even seem like it's the sex that's really doing it but the whole lot of things. Try your very best to talk to him about it and tell him you don't know what to do. Telling him that you may leave just may wake him up long enough to get some help.
Don't stay if he won't get help. You deserve to be happy!
2007-10-28 03:05:32 · answer #3 · answered by Kris 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What the heck were you thinking before you married this loser? Did you think he would change? Guys like your husband are a dime a dozen...they are lazy good for nothing creeps who have no respect for anyone including their wife. This relationship is disastrous and you are on the losing end. If I were you I would just leave and start divorce proceedings and never look back. You have a right to happiness and it is quite obvious that you are not happy with this jerk and its time for you to make a move before you have children. $20K a year? Who the heck can live on $20K a year in 2007? He is a loser and going nowhere and you should want better than that. He also is an alcoholic and your life will go from bad to worse. Get out before its too late and never look back...When something stinks, it stinks to high heaven and your relationship stinks from my viewpoint.
2007-10-28 00:52:06 · answer #4 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should leave. Happiness is one of the key elements in a healthy relationship. My fiance and I weren't happy and we finally broke up after 3 1/2 years just a couple days ago. We were both unhappy. He never cheated on me either. It was just not being there as a lover; we women need romance in our relationships, we need to be taken care of emotionally, and we need to be happy. If you are not having these needs filled by your husband; and he just drinks and watches adult movies, then you will be unhappy for a long, long time unless you decide to get up and leave. My fiance always used to be on the Internet looking at that stuff and he was not into interacting w/ me physically either. But he stopped that because he did love me and cared about my feelings. You're husband needs to think about that too. But overall, please take care of your well being.
2007-10-27 21:03:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can NOT change people. He should put his wife first, but in his life his job has taken over your marriage. Ask yourself do you love him anymore to want it to work? You have a few choices in life. You can be miserble and unhappy(I have been down that track before), or get the strength believe in god and move on. File a divorce. I know its painful but if you want true happiness, follow what your heart says. Usually your heart is right most of the time.
Good Luck
2007-10-27 21:18:23 · answer #6 · answered by sarah s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, if you're not happy with your lifestyle, you're free to leave him and try to change it. Cheating doesn't have to be the only reason to get divorced, you know. I think you have full right to leave him, even though he works really hard.
But I'm not saying you should leave him, I'm just saying you can.
I'd say to talk to him about it. You need to make him aware that you're not happy. Then you can work it out with him.. He could change, or he could do nothing, then you can make the decision of leaving him from there.
2007-10-27 21:05:36 · answer #7 · answered by rijii 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not have a marriage. You have a roommate. Are you sure that he is at work. Those are some very long hours for so little money. I think that you have waited long enough. He does not have to be cheating on you for you to be unhappy. He will not compromise or do anything to fix it. I would get out.
2007-10-27 21:32:35 · answer #8 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's unlikely he'll change, so you have to find some comforts outside of marriage. Try making new friends or taking some courses in something that interests you, or join a church and attend regularly. Prayer is always a good option.
2007-10-27 21:02:09 · answer #9 · answered by Dilettante 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IS READ THE ANSWER'S YOU WERE GIVEN IN THE 1ST POST OF THIS QUESTION.
Didnt like what the other answer's had to say like me ? quit asking the same question over and over again , he's stepping out on you , he's a jerk face the truth then maybe you can come up with a result that works.
2007-10-27 21:32:24 · answer #10 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋