my best friends grampa passed away yesterday and she's really down and i dont wana ask "how are you?" cuz thats kind of a stupid question, what is she supposed to say to that? usually when we talk, we're laughing are asses off, cracking up at every little thing. i am talking to her right now, but minus the laughs...i'm the only one laughing. which is kind of wierd. idk what to say . i really wish i could cheer her up. help?
2007-10-27 13:33:29 · 31 answers · asked by jadonam 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
It's the things that you do... not the things that you say, which are usually the most important (watch what you say, though, obviously).
If you think she wants to hear something, you might be best sticking with "I'm here if you need anything"...If she wants to talk about it, she probably will, just be sure to SUBTLY remind her, that you're there for her to talk to, or not, whenever she needs you.
I've been through the same situation recently, and even though I didn't want to talk about it, it's nice to be reminded that your friends are, well... friends.
If you are normally laughing together, it might be nice to break the ice with a joke about something UNRELATED. Doing normal things, helps you remember that some things haven't changed, after a big change like that. I don't know her, so use your own judgement to decide if this is a good idea; and be sure it's an OK(appropriate) time.
Just be there, and you'll know whether or not to say anything about it. It's never easy for anyone to be in her situation.
EDIT:
Depending on who she is, telling her that "he's in a better place", could be a very bad idea. I was told this, when I was in her position, and didn't like hearing it at all. It could seem a lot like you're just trying to make them feel better. She probably won't want to feel she's being pitied, while she's mourning a loved one.Steer clear, unless you KNOW that she's very religious.
Get an idea of how she feels, before approaching the situation in one way or another
My sincere condolences
2007-10-27 13:55:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just bening there helps, if you feel like it ask her some of the goodtimes she had with her Grandpa, to help bring good menories and fun thing they shared and did together, but most of all just bening there by here side as a friend so when is is ready to cry talk what ever it may be!
2007-10-27 13:48:23 · answer #2 · answered by Winkey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now it will be difficult to cheer her up, she is in mourning. As her friend just be there for her, if she starts to cry or gets really down, hold her, let her know that she can share her grief with you, try not to make her laugh, this will take time, be patient, be a friend.
2007-10-27 13:37:47 · answer #3 · answered by deejayspop 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you could tell her, "If you ever need to talk, just call me..."
also, you could break the tension a little by saying something like, "If you want me to bring some lunch over for you....I will. If you prefer that I ring the doorbell, and just leave the food at the door so you can be alone....I can do that, too..."
It would also mean a lot to her to hear you say, "I feel so confused, and I don't know how or what I should do..." I'm sure she herself is confused ...and has no idea what she should feel or do.
2007-10-27 13:41:05 · answer #4 · answered by ☺ . CIEL . ☺ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The best thing to do in this situation is to just be there for her. Let her know that if she wants to talk, you're there. Or, you coould just go over to her house and give her a makeover to get her mind off it. If she breaks down, hug and jsut saying nothing works.
2007-10-27 13:36:25 · answer #5 · answered by Samantha D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say "I was very sorry to hear that your grandpa passed away. I never know what to say at times like this. But I hope you are okay, and if there's anything I can do please let me know."
A lot of times when someone dies, people don't want to be cheered up. They just want to know that you're their friend and you'll be around, you'll be 'there for them'. If she wants to talk about her grandpa, you listen, smile, nod you head, stuff like that. That can help. But it's up to her. She will 'snap out of it' without your help, when she's ready, there's not much you can do besides just be there for her.
2007-10-27 13:38:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
perhaps just letting her know you're there if she needs to talk. If you don't feel comfortable actually saying those words, perhaps, just by continuing to do the same things with her as you did before. After losing a loved one, the continuity of a friendship can really keep you going.
2007-10-27 13:37:43 · answer #7 · answered by philos34002 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The old saying of silence is golden is appropriate. In a time of need the best thing anyone can do is just be there for your friend, listen much and be slow to speak.
2007-10-27 13:36:59 · answer #8 · answered by Denny Crane 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
talk to her about her Grandpa. My grandma that I was totally close to died and that's all that helped. You can't ignore it and forget about it. It's goinig to take a while to get over it. This is the time that you need to show her what a good friend you are, by understanding how sad she is. Good luck
2007-10-27 13:39:00 · answer #9 · answered by lexy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just re-a-sure that everythings gonna be okay and that her grandpa will be in heaven looking down on her. maybe even asking the question "do u wanna talk about it" is a good way to start off.
2007-10-27 13:37:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋