Should a preacher get involved in a church members divorce?

Question

I used to really like our preacher, but I believe we have seen his true colors. Whenever we have needed him, we always hear "I'll give you guys a call tonight." and then we never hear back from him. That was the first thing that started changing my opinion of him. A couple of weeks ago, my brother and his wife split up. She left the house one day, and my brother didn't know where she and my nephew were. He spoke to the preacher, because he had seen my sister-n-laws car parked behind the preachers house. The preacher told my brother, that yes she did stay with him and his wife one night, but he didn't know where she was at, nor was he trying to encourage her to get a divorce. We have discovered that was a lie. My brother finally got into contact with his wife, and they are actually getting along better now that they are not living together. She told my brother that the preacher had paid for her to retain a lawyer to file for divorce, and that he was helping her and my nephew get a house

My sister-n-law has a tendency to "stretch the truth" and she told the preacher that a couple of teenage boys in the community were at she and my brothers house, looking at porn and that they commented that one of the porn stars looked like the preachers wife. He went to their parents chewing them out, and come to find out, that wasn't even true. His wife has spread a rumer that my brother was having an affair a few years ago, and that he actually made a pass at her once. This preacher has seen me and my husband in public more than once lately, and totally snubbed us. He has basically involved himself in my brother and sister-n-law business WAY more than I feel a preacher should. Can he be reported to someone for the things that he has done, and the trouble he and his wife have caused in our community?

My sister-n-law has a tendency to "stretch the truth" and she told the preacher that a couple of teenage boys in the community were at she and my brothers house, looking at porn and that they commented that one of the porn stars looked like the preachers wife. He went to their parents chewing them out, and come to find out, that wasn't even true. His wife has spread a rumer that my brother was having an affair a few years ago, and that he actually made a pass at her once. This preacher has seen me and my husband in public more than once lately, and totally snubbed us. He has basically involved himself in my brother and sister-n-law business WAY more than I feel a preacher should. Can he be reported to someone for the things that he has done, and the trouble he and his wife have caused in our community?

Sorry about the double post. Guess that is what happens when you hit enter more than once.

WhereRy: Did nothing wrong? I just posted that his wife was spreading rumers that my brother commited adultery and that he even made a pass at her. Neither of these were true. Doesn't the Bible teach about not gossiping or spreading rumers? And yet the preachers wife is doing just that. That isn't wrong?

Answer 1

First of all, a preacher who snubs parishoners and doesn't return phone calls, is already not behaving properly. The fact that he not only encouraged your sister-in-law to get a divorce but paid an attorney's retainer fee, is wrong. Add to that, the fact that he is helping your sister-in-law and nephew to get a house, and you have a preacher who has crossed the line. Because a preacher's reputation can ruin him and prevent him from getting other assignments if he has done anything wrong, it's vitally important that you make absolutely certain of the facts. Be sure that whatever you have heard or seen is in fact what actually happened. Then, you can take what you know and go to your church board (every church, even small ones, should have at the least, a church board, or a board of deacons). If your church belongs to a particular denomination, then you can go to that denomination's headquarters which govern your church leadership and file a complaint to the denominational leadership for your area.

I am divorced and have remarried someone else. While I felt that I had very valid reasons to divorce my first husband (emotional abuse and extreme cruelty), every Christian church I attended did not support divorce. Most churches are against divorce and will not only not condone it, but they surely won't encourage it, nor pay the fee to retain an attorney. My own church did not condone divorce, but had a divorce support ministry to help those who were dealing with the pain of divorce. In an attempt to be supportive, the pastor apparently went too far by taking actions which were not supportive to the family staying together. What he should have done was to encourage marriage counseling and to do all he could to help your brother and his wife to be able to work things out and to give them the tools or resources so they could do that. What he did instead was to sanction divorce and encourage the breakup of your brother's family. That was wrong. It is not Biblically right and the pastor needs to be held accountable by those higher up for the hurt he has caused. When you report him to whoever you report him to, I'd make sure to mention the snubbing, the lying and the money paid to the attorney. Just make sure you are absolutely certain of your facts, because it is just as wrong to falsely accuse someone as it is for a pastor to promote divorce.

Answer 2

And people wonder why I am so against churches lmao.

the churches already feel as if they own part of your soul , I mean otuside of the fact they usually live in gorgeous home's by the sea and your living in a 1 bedroom cockeroach infested rats nest because your tithe's are 1/4 of your earnings what a load of BS .

Leave the church you can worship any god in any place even in your own home you dont need to be in the poor house for god's acceptance of you in heaven he knows these churches are in the wrong and they're going to hell for ripping their congregations off.

Do up a news letter and hand it out before church out lining everything the preacher freak and his ho bag wife have done you might be surprised how many men she's been bedding when preacher mans been out spreading the word of god ie: his seed.

Answer 3

Your brother's wife took a problem to the preacher and he and his wife tried to help. He did nothing mean, malicious, or wrong other than try to save someone from what he thought was a situation they needed help getting out of. Any human with a heart would've done the same thing.

Your sister-in-law is the one who was in the wrong. Leave the poor preacher alone.

Answer 4

I would expect more from a layman then what this preacher is teaching.I would be concerned how much spiritual good the congregation was getting with him.Hes suppose to gently with love guide the flock not run a daytime soap drama class.If love isn't there neither is God.[Ro.5:3-5]

Answer 5

First when the preacher did not return your call did it dawn on you that he may have had more critical calls to return and simply forgot. If he has a congregation like my pastor 3-4thousand i would not expect a call fora few weeks. That has happened but he did callback. As far as your sisters relationship the pastor has only been involved as far as the sister would let him all that other is on her not the pastor. to stay at his home never. Sound like she has the problem.

Answer 6

first you need to get the facts.

the who, what, why when where and how of this story and stop reciting hearsay words and they said or they told me. if you were not there then do not repeat it. you do not know what really happened.
a preacher is suppose to help his flock? overnight? you question and all could be perfectly legal.
i have a guy in this town who looks and talks just like i do. thank god i am a policeman and he is a minister. we both want no problems. get the cold hard facts before you go spreading rumors.

Answer 7

Tricky question.
Only if they are helping to mend the break or doing what is best for the two.
Other than that, I'd look for a different source of help besides this pastor.