I was wondering do you ever ask people for advice like how to deal with different situations in your life that don't seem to be going that well, Then after they explain a solution to you that you have already heard about and tried but it didn't work for you. You want to ask questions as to further your knowledge on the solution but first explain to them how you did try that and it didn't work so you can ask where to go from there or just ask questions about what they are saying, (because maybe you missed something somewhere) but they get mad at you and tell you that you are just arguing? This all feels like the only way you can get more information/help first it seems like you would have to tell them where you are so they can explain how to fix the problem but you get the same anger and they don't want to help you because they say you are just arguing?
2007-10-27 11:54:59 · 13 answers · asked by stacey b 5 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Thanks this has been happening all my life and it is also good to hear someone else can relate you guys are great thanks a lot.
2007-10-27 18:23:07 · update #1
Maybe you should wait a few minutes before assuming their answer is wrong. If they're getting angry it must be the kind of thing that happens often and obviously they feel you're not giving their suggestions a chance. Sometimes the answers are so simple you can't see it right away. Don't ask questions with expectations because if you knew the answer you wouldn't be asking. So make sure you really are looking for a solution rather than just asking a question to prove there is no answer.
When someone asks me for advice I usually think of what to say fairly quickly and that's what I tell them if that's not satisfactory, then I either need more information or I need to sit with it for a while. If they don't accept my answer then repeating the question isn't going to get a better answer.
Maybe the answer is not easy for you to hear and maybe you don't want to find out that the answer is that which they tell you. You may not want to do what it takes to solve your problem in which case asking for more information is just another way of saying "isn't there an easier way."
Remember that it is not someone elses responsibility to give you an answer that you accept. They are taking the time to tell you what they know and if it doesn't work for you they can't be expected to tell you more because they tried their best. Some answers can only come with time and experience so don't rush ahead of yourself in life. Don't expect to know everything and get frustrated because you aren't where you think you should be. Accept where you are in life and be okay with it and love yourself for who and where you are. Don't push the river, it flows by itself.
2007-10-27 18:18:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The experience I've had is, after explaining a problem to someone, they respond something like "gee, I'm sorry to hear that, I don't know what to say". So you are lucky when somewhen actually comes up with a suggestion. If the suggestion is not what you had in mind, consider yourself to be pretty much on your won and don't bug people about it any further.
If you have a particular problem, find someone that knows something about this particular problem and ask them about it. Advice from random people is unlikely to bring any substantial answers, although it is sometimes useful to get a different perspective. If the advice of a friend is not useful, leave it at that.
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2007-10-27 19:13:00 · answer #2 · answered by GCB-TO 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes people are frustrated by your saying, "I tried that, now where do I go?" and they are reacting through their frustration more than your question because they can't offer anything else. They may think you are feeding them a line, but the fact is not every solution fits every situation just like every situation is not the same. So, I would just respond by saying, "Just wondered if there were any other possibilities. I like options." Say it very cheerily and drop it. Obviously, they have no more to offer. I believe in trying to be nice to people even if they seem frustrated with me just to show that just because they have nothing more to offer, I don't take it personally.
2007-10-27 19:13:27 · answer #3 · answered by cavassi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GF, you are rambling, and I love it. I ramble too.
You say, "how can I deal with this." They say "just do 'a'"
You say, "I tried 'a', and it did not work" and they say
"Why are you arguing with me, you asked me for help!"
Am I right?
These people are morons. They are the type of people who have ONE answer to a question and cannot think "outside the box" hahaha maybe because they are obsessed about the box!
Also I get extremely annoyed when people don't "get" me and where I am coming from and assume I'm just a stupid lame brain, giving me pat answers to unique problems.
I would love to help you if you asked me about the true prob, I'll try to give you a real answer.
xoxo
guinness
2007-10-27 19:22:25 · answer #4 · answered by Guinness 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask again the same solution in case I misunderstood it at the first time. I would do that in a very polite way.!
People like to teach when asked with respect.
Ramesh1938
2007-10-28 19:29:47 · answer #5 · answered by ramesh1938 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how frustrating that can be. It feels like that person becomes concerned and defensive that you aren't taking their advice instead of helping you answer your questions. That person is just being egotistical in that situation and you didn't do anything wrong. Maybe you need to make that person aware that they are not helping you by getting angry. They might not be conscience of how they are reacting.
2007-10-27 19:08:53 · answer #6 · answered by mg 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just like Guiness, I love your serious ramblings......"Ramble On" (sometimes I grow so tired...........)
It's difficult, at best, to try so hard to get your point across to someone that is not you.
And a good friend is hard to find.
And it is hard to soar with the eagles, when you are surrounded by a bunch of turkeys.
So, I guess just chill out and enjoy the evening.
Sorry.
2007-10-27 20:05:07 · answer #7 · answered by Kentucky Dave 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not exactly like that but i know what you mean. The person feels they are wrong and that what they told you didn't work so they want to blame you for something and not co operate. He's not open to help, he's stuck with a bruised ego.
2007-10-27 19:00:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont worrie about anyone thinking that your arguing with them and you just might find the advice you are looking for.
2007-10-27 19:05:14 · answer #9 · answered by doc_holliday1863 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And THAT is PRECISELY why I hate going to friends about my problems. I hear you. Usually I just drop it, but that's probably not the best strategy so I don't know what to tell you. Good luck?
2007-10-27 18:59:07 · answer #10 · answered by killerjenx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋