We are going to marriage counseling and don't know what to expect, any advice or information to prepare us?

Question

We have been married for 3 years and friends for over 7. We just don't seem to enjoy being together anymore. And want to try and get help before we are no longer able to even have a friendship. We thought some counseling would be the way to exhaust all options befor just divorcing but don't know what to expect. any advice would be helpful

Answer 1

Be honest with the counselor and be open with your mate. That is the best advice I can give you...

My ex and I did the counseling thing...But he was not honest with me or the counselor...He was cheating the whole time but claimed in counseling that I was the one that seemed removed from the relationship....

Answer 2

Counselling will be a waste of your time unless you are totally honest. There will be things said in counselling that may hurt and things you may not wish to hear. But, if you both don't lay it all out, there is no point to it. When you leave the session ,you have to leave it behind and not start pointing fingers or arguing over what was said. First of all both of you need to decide if you want to keep the marriage together, if not, don't waste your time and money on counselling. If you decide just to remain friends there is no point to counselling and hearing hurtful things that will separate you as friends.

Answer 3

My advice is, each of you should get your own separate counseling before doing any joint counseling. You may not even realize certain things about yourself--wants, needs, expectations--and you'll need to know those things before going into joint counseling, which can be brutal. Fix and/or examine yourself, then you can work on the relationship.

And if you do that, DO NOT use the same counselor for joint counseling as either of you used individually. Been there, done that, got the divorce.

Answer 4

Well, the biggest lesson I learned was that old saying "you can take a horse to the fountain but you can't go make them drink"! So remember why your going in the first place, to save your marriage. Go with an open mind and also accept the hard facts! Denial, or anger at the counselor usually only henders your process. Then, once you accept the facts, be willing to do the work. Be willing to change the things that need to be fixed. Otherwise, save your money for the divorce!
Good Luck!

Answer 5

A good counselor is going to get all the issues out on the table and examine their validity or lack thereof and form that discover what the real issue is and if the relationship can be saved and whether or not you both want it to be saved.

Don't waste time blaming, it doesn't matter whose fault anything is.

Don't agree to a counselors plan if you're serious about going through with it

Good luck to you both and remember it may take two or three counselors before you find a good fit.

Answer 6

Jen the third party person that will act as your counselor will probably want you and your mate to do most of the talking. It is very important that you are both 100% honest when there and not be afraid to say exactly what you want/need to say to the other. But just as important is to leave what is said there and not bring it home with you to use for fighting or a weapon against the other. Be mature and open minded during this time and hopefully you will salvage your marriage and learn to appreciate and love one and other anew. Best of luck to you both.

Answer 7

Just be open and honest. You've got nothing to lose. My own experience with counseling was terrible. My wife had her mind made up before we went, and nothing that I or the counselor would say could reach her. Still, had we not gone, I would have always wondered if it would have helped or not. Pior to that, very, very, occasionally I would wonder whether or not my wife was a *****. The meeting at the counselor's confirmed that she was.

Answer 8

My husband and I are doing the same. Like everyone has said, be honest, but go at it slowly. We didn't speak a word to each other for a while because I was so glad to be there, I blurted out 10 years in one hour. Tell the therapist that you want to work on one issue at at time, the ones that are most important to you and your spouse.

Answer 9

Ask the counselor how many times he or she has been divorced and how many relations they have been through.

Answer 10

just tell the truth.. it helps both of you.. and good luck.. and argee to kiss after befor you go.. that help to dont forget to hug each other befor and after... please good luck. again..