if your spouse made a large purchase without talking to you about it, would you be mad??

Question

even if they used their own cash to do it??

Im asking because me and my husband had a situation arise a few days ago and it got pretty ugly (we're cool now, but i still dont understand why he got mad.... so i need you help)

My aunt came into some money last month and she gave me a nice piece of it (im her favorite niece). I didn't hide the money from him... he was the 1st person i told about it. I gave him some of it, gave my kids some, put a little in our household account.... and still had some change to play with.

Now back in Sept. I told him i wanted a new car for my birthday... nothing fancy. just a charger. He said no. I had 3 vehicles (all very nice) and none of them had a note... so why get a new one just because.

Well last week i went to the lexus dealership with my brother to get his oil changed and fell in love with the 2008 gs450 hybrid. I decided i want one and im gonna get it.

cont. in a moment

so i did the paper work and everything, and put down part of my down payment.... but i had to wait a week because they didn't have the color i wanted in stock. Finally it came in and I traded my current lexus (a 01 gs400) as the remainder of the down payment and i brought my baby home.

during that weeks waiting time... I never mentioned the new car to him. but when he came home and saw it, he flipped. we had this huge argument and for a few days, he was trying to make me return the car.... i dont understand why.

my note is not that high (i could see if it was 1300 bucks.. what they were initially trying to charge me.. but it's not even half of that) and most importantly.... im paying for it. so why be angry.

does anybody have any clue as to why he may have been so mad... and if it was your spouse who did it... would you be mad??

@ J'adore : Giiiiirrrll. You just have to drive it. It's like riding on air. And they look soooooo much better now. The fact that they have a "Hybrid" model is what sold me on it. If you get a chance to test drive one..... i guarntee you'll be ready to buy it.

oh, and it's so pretty. lmao

@ chris b our agreement is this. We both have seperate accounts and 1 joint account for household business and bills. My seperate account is mine to do as i please just as his is his. We came up with this plan when we frst got back together so situations like this could be avoided.... but he was still pissed. i dont get it. He pays the insurance on his vehicles from his money and I pay mine from my money.... now i just added a car note to things I have to pay. so what's the big deal. It aint coming from his pocket. you feel me??

okay, for everyone who is having a probelm with the whole 3 car equation. let me break it down for you.

I have a 1998 chevy tahoe (my dad brought it when i graduated high school) and i am saving that for my son when he turns 16 in 2 years. it's mine, but i dont drive it.

a have a 2007 chrystler pacifica that is my everyday ride. I have 2 older children, a teenage step daughter, a newborn and a dog. so this car is for everyday use.

and i had a 2001 lexus gs400. that was my "rolling solo" vehicles. for when me and my girls going out, or i just wanna be fly. no kids, no dogs allowed.

all i really did was upgrade the 01 lexus for an 08 lexus. so i still have 3 vehicles... just 1 is brand new. and when my son turns 16, i'll have 2.

but hubby is no better. he has a 06 denali, a 05 s500, a ducati motorcyle and is trading that denali in december to get a range rover but i aint complaining about that because he spending his own cash on it. so why can't i spend mine?

Answer 1

Nope wouldn't be mad because it really wouldn't hurt the Bank Account.....

If you got the money, go for it. It's your money! I had a thing for cars too. No big deal....

My husband is used to me making frivolous purchases, but of course don't put yourself in debt to do it.

I think he might say something if I went to vegas and gambled away like $250,000

Answer 2

You've already gotten some great answers. But apparently you KNEW he would be upset, and that is why you neglegted to tell him for a week or so. First mistake. You also knew his feelings about you getting a new car because he had told you earlier it wasnt a good idea when you already HAD 3 cars! Geez, you think you might be acting just a tad materialistic and selfish? Even if you don't see it that way, that might be the way others do, as it does seem a bit excessive. Bottom line is, you should have consulted him, (but then you wouldn't have gotten your way) So, who really is the one in the wrong here? It's not your husband, dear. p.s. It doesn't matter that you have seperate accounts for your money, etc.. if he came into some money that wasn't there before, wouldn't YOU feel disrespected if he just went and blew it on whatever he felt like without at least discussing it with you first?

Answer 3

I would always discuss larger purchases with your spouse.... a car is a very large purchase. Even if you gave him money and put some in an account, you are still married, which makes everything 50/50. Wouldn't you be upset if he came home with a new car and didn't discuss it with you? Maybe he feels the money could be better spent somewhere else. You already have 3 cars....he must not think having another car is a necessity or he would have let you get one for your birthday.

Answer 4

I would be mad if my husband bought a new truck, because we can't afford it.
If he had that much money, cash, I wouldn't care, and would be all for it because his truck is trash.
But the thing is if you already have more than one car and you can only drive one then why do you need more than one.
That's what I keep telling my husband. He has a motorcycle that don't work, I keep trying to get him to get rid of it. He has a decent car he drives to work and a old clunker that our daughter is using. He has 4 vehicles, one for every occasion.
He thinks he needs the truck to help our kids when they need to move or something but we always end up using my van.
All I have is a 6 year old van and that is all I need because I only drive one.
What it all boils down to is if you have the money and can afford it and then there is priorities if you want to throw that in.

Answer 5

Before we were married my husband and I set a $$$ amt that the other could spend no questions asked......
If he went way over yes I would have questions and probably a little upset, BUT that is not what you are describing, You did not spend just your own money, the second there were loan papers you were essentially spending his future income as well as your own.... YOU KNEW he would be upset and would have said no or you would not have kept it from him so you may have smoothed things out but you betrayed him and you still have to re earn the trust you lost with that impulsive little stunt.......You could have gotton the car with out being sneaky if you had just presented the situation to him correctly. I hope you enjoy your car because you will be a very lucky woman if he holds no hard feelings for what you did..... and in front of others not just in private also.........

Answer 6

I think that all income in a marriage is joint. I also think a discussion about large purchases is in order. Yes, I would be mad if my mate did something like this without talking it over first.

I would want to take a look at the over all budget and see if the new car payment would be a problem or not. I would also be willing to talk over any purchases I want to make that is only fair.

Answer 7

this seems to be less about the money aspect (i'm assuming, since your story indicates that you don't have money issues) and more about the fact that you didn't discuss this, or even mention it to him! he just came home and there was a new car in the driveway. if my husband did that, i would be upset. that's a huge purchase and a big decision for your spouse to be left out on. if it doesn't cause a monetary strain on your marriage, then you should have the freedom to do what you want with the money. but it sounds like he may have thought of other things to do with the extra cash, and you just didn't bother to hear his ideas. maybe he thought you would share the generosity and was disappointed that you spent it all on yourself instead. or maybe he thought, she has three cars, why does she need another one? even if you did trade one in, you blatantly defied him after he told you no (for your birthday). i don't really agree or disagree with either one of you, i'm just trying to see it from his point of view. but, yes, i would definitely be upset if my husband did this, knew about it for a week, and didn't bother to mention it to me.

Answer 8

I'm lost for words. You have 3 cars and then go out to get another one, because it's soooooooooo nice. Now do you feel soooooooonice when your hubby flipped. Just because you have the money doesn't mean you can go on a spending spree, He is just worry you over spend. Just imagine if HE went out to get himself another car without asking you. Man, that would be WW3.

Answer 9

If you had the money to pay for it in cash then he would not have any reason to be upset but it sounds like you have to make payments..... so yes he does have the right to be mad.... you've obligated yourself to a debt for how many years?? Not that it would happen but what if you were to lose your job or for whatever reason were unable to work....who would have to make the payments???? If he were to go out and buy a new car and now had to pay out $700 for that would you be happy about it?

Answer 10

Your spouse should always be part of a large purchase and it should be talked through first and agreed upon. If you recieved enough money to pay for the car from your aunt and your family is not hurting whatsoever, then maybe a trade-in with one of your other cars wouldn't hurt, but you should still talk it over and explain this to him.

Answer 11

I'm with your husband on this one. We both realize that there isn't "his" money and "her" money in a marriage - it's "ours." He inherited some money awhile ago and we jointly decided how it would be handled. It's part of being a team and working toward the same life goals.

This year he decided he really wanted a motorcycle. I was not thrilled, and if I had said no, he wouldn't have done it. But he used money he worked hard to earn and he deserved something for him. But he asked me first.