is this reason enough to call a marriage over?

Question

I have four child, married 7 years. When we married my husband and I had little money. So the ring was not well made, 3 years ago the stone fell out. i have no idea where it went.

these days he makes a substantial amount of money. and has showed no interest in getting me a ring.He has made no attempts to even look in a jewelry store, or brought up the idea of getting one. He knows how deeply hurt I am.
I am not sure what to think, maybe he has no long term interest in this marriage,and this is the reason he will not get a ring. ?
i cant figure out why there have been many big purchases and none of these in the 3 year coarse a ring,
I told him if year 2008 I start the year with a naked finger. I will have to leave him, this will truly show how valued our marriage is.
this is not like I am a girlfriend wanting a huge engagment ring. I earned this, I have been faithful contributed financially, stayed fit, had 4 kids, now what? is this enough to give the walking papers?

He knows how much I valued my previous ring and whats it meant to me and represented. And I cried for a solid month after the stone fell out.
he has no intentions on replacing it, it has been 3 years. of coarse it goes much deeper.
I wonder whats the hold up? if he hasnt surprised me in 3 years he is not going to. kwim?
I am just sick of waiting, for something that means so dear to me, mean crap to him.
basically he is a work alholic, and I never see him sometimes having that reminds me he loves me and is with me even when he is not.
now that it has been so long, I wonder his commitment. and wondering if he doesnt want to make a lg investment .

Answer 1

Four children in 7 years and he's a workaholic that you never see?

Oh hun, you are looking for his love in all the wrong places. I understand how a ring can make you feel loved but the real problem is not the ring.

Perhaps it is the lack of time spent with you and the kids, the lack of time that you get off free to do what you want without the kids, the lack of attention that he is giving you, and/or the feeling that you aren't appreciated.

You need to talk to him about your feelings, openly and honestly, no hints be straightforeward, no blaming or badgering just truthfulness. If you are nagging him then he is working more to keep from having confrontations with you. He loves you but cannot handle the aches and pains of having you unhappy with him.

Both of you are unhappy right now and it is a lack of quality communication that is breaking you apart not the lack of a ring.

Please look up websites about how to communicate with your spouse and if you can afford to seek some counseling for you, him, and as a couple. Even if you are the only one getting counseling in the beginning it can help tremendously.

When the problems start getting better the ring will most likely follow. Good luck. Keep up your faith and try, try, and try again. Good love is so hard to find......don't lose it over a ring.

Answer 2

Don't give up on the marriage yet. Sometimes men don't realize how important a ring can be to his wife. You might have to tell him that it's important to you and then have the two of you go shopping together for a ring.

Actually I can identify. I've been married over 30 years and a couple of years ago I lost the stone in my engagement ring. I dropped all of these strong hints about wanting to replace my ring, and then for Christmas, he bought me a nice ring with a blue stone in the middle -- definately not an engagement ring. I put it on my right hand and I am planning on taking him to shop for rings over Christmas this year. The man is sweet - he just doesn't have a clue sometimes about what is important to women.

But there is too much good in the marriage and in my husband to let something like a ring get in the way. Look in the other areas of your marriage and determine if you are happy overall. He is obviously a good provider. Is he sensitive in other ways? Is he a good father?

You have four children and have been married 7 years. Please don't break up the marriage over a ring. You will have many challenges over the years and when you look back, the ring will probably pale in comparison to the other things that the two of you will go through. Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 3

first of all, when my husband and i got married we had no money we both got wedding rings for $450. the only reason i have the ring i have is b/c it was on clearance from $1200 but it is still only a wedding band! i had mentioned 1 time that maybe we should get new rings b/c my husband originally wanted a differ one too and he was like this is the ring we married with. what is the big deal, it seems as though you are wanting a big diamond for show. that ring has nothing to do with your love or commitment. my husband appologized for not wearing his ring on the job once due to what they were doing. i was like "why? the ring has nothing to do with it! what is in your heart is what will prove your love and wll decide to cheat, not the ring on your finger!" you are being chidish! i think i would leave if you were makeing such an issue!

Answer 4

Maybe he's testing you, Hon, to see if you'll REALLY walk out the door on him if you don't get a ring "by a cetain date". Men (actually, women either) don't like to be told when, where, or what to do! That almost seems controlling to me on your part. Why don't YOU go buy the ring if the ring is what really matters to you? Having said that, I will agree he's being a little insensitive...but to me, there must be bigger issues you're not talking about if you're willing to walk out on a 7 year marriage and put your children through a divorce over a piece of metal, and a rock.

Answer 5

It might be that your husband sees the ring he got you when you married is a sign of his love and commitment. Rather than focusing on a new ring focus on the ring her bought you. It was cheap and poorly made and the stone fell out because of this, so talk to your husband about getting your ring fixed and a new stone to replace the one that was lost. You could also talk to him about renewing your vows and taking a honeymoon if you never had one when you first got married.

Answer 6

is your husband faithful,evidently are hard worker,is he a good father and provider,honors respect and love you?if so what ring of completion do you desire more,one wih a stone the size of a dime that only means he has money or the one that shows all the characteristics above that shows you have his heart and love.many women would give up a large diamond in exchange for thier husbands time and affection,if you leave him someone will truly be quick and glad to take him off of your hands without a ring,probably a friend of yours please think twice before you put such little value on your husband that you are willing to trade him in for a diamond

Answer 7

The last part of the post is the issue, not the ring. He is gone all the time, you are not sure about the commitment and you wonder if he still cares about you and your feelings. Deal with that issue and stop focusing on the ring. It's the marriage, not the ring.

Answer 8

It sounds like something deeper is going on than the question of a ring being replaced. Something is not well in your marriage and you should address this before you think about separating because of a ring. Have you tried counseling or talking honestly about your feelings? Good luck.

Answer 9

The simple answer is yes. You've shown how committed you are to him and you've also told him how important this is to you. There's a chance that he can't give you the love you need. It may not be through any fault of his own that he can't love you, but this ring has become symbolic to both of you. To you it symbolizes his love and dedication to making it work. To him it symbolizes living in a farce and spending the rest of his life deluding himself that he's happily in love with you. Maybe his actions in not buying you a ring are his stand to try to retain his dignity and not surrender to this emptiness in his life. These are simply my take on the situation. I think that if he can return the love you are seeking then he will definitely get you the ring by New Year's Eve. If he doesn't, then you will have your answer.

Answer 10

I think it goes beyond a ring.

You need to go find something you like, then have him go with you and show him what you want.

It took 10 years for me to get a "nice" ring, and I picked it out told him I wanted it, and he bought it. Although we'd talked about it he didn't realize how much a certain ring meant to me until we found it.

If you're looking for a reason to leave, leave but don't blame it on a ring. Blame it on yourself and your unhappiness not him because he doesn't understand how much a ring means to you.