I am dating a wonderful woman whom I love with a child with autism. He is 5 years old. I am worried about the possibility of some day being a step dad for him. I want the best for him and his mom, but I'm not sure I could handle the day to day stresses that go along with raising a child with autism. I would hate to commit to being there full time and then not being able to be what they need from me. What can I expect things to be like if we were to get married? What kind of a person does it take to keep your sanity, and be a blessing to them? I would want nothing more than to be a huge help, and help them thrive. I would hate it if I committed and then coulnd't make things easier for them and feel trapped. Please help.
2007-10-27 06:13:52 · 9 answers · asked by Eric F 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I have a six-year-old with Autism. I'd do a couple of things. One, if I were you I'd read everything I could about autism. That will give you an idea about the range of behavior you might expect. Autism is a spectrum, meaning that it affects some kids more severely than others. Some kids have trouble sleeping, can hurt themselves, are retarded, have communication problems, and have social problems. Others are quite high functioning. Two, I'd talk with this woman about what her daily life is like. Arrange to spend time around her son. Find out specifically how she's had to adjust her life to care for her son, and then decide whether you'd be able to share in that effort. My son is expressive, happy and intelligent, but doesn't talk much and doesn't like change. While raising him is more effort than a typical 6-yr-old, there are rewards to offset that. Good luck to you.
2007-10-27 06:41:26 · answer #1 · answered by J&B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm autistic, though I had a distaste for all the special treatment and classes...they were just so demeaning....but listen....just realize it's not entirely his fault....The way i found to free myself from the worst of my autism was to find a gratifying stimulus....one that I could utilize on my own time and perhaps one day for my future.....get him into some sort of hobby that requires him to use his mind....excersise it....get him into drawing(my personal favorite), maybe get him in to electronic board assembly (there are those for kids his age)...part of the problem with autistic children is the ability to process at normal speeds......too often is this catered by undermining courses in special needs classes when really the potential is the same rate as are own even if the road there is rockier..so challenging him despite the challenge he has will benefit him in the long run.....be easy about it though as the first while it may not be a walk in the park..he's 5 so its not to late....besides...for what ever activity you choose...it would be a time of bonding for both of you...I wish i could have had that.....
2007-10-27 06:27:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to me like you are a very nice guy with all good intentions to help your girl friend and her autistic child. Do not be afraid of the responsibilities that you will face raising an autistic kid. There are so many resources out there to treat this child's condition and the earlier you start treating him, the better. Yes, the responsibility is huge but it is nothing compared to the joy you will have spending your life with the wonderful woman you love plus the joy of being a blessing to that autistic child who will soon call you "Dad."
2007-10-27 06:47:22 · answer #3 · answered by Belen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a mom with a 5 yr old Autistic child maybe I can help, The mom needs from you the honesty and care to be truthful as far as your relationship is concerned. The type of person an Autistic child needs is an understanding, caring open person. You need to be able to be in public and have that child have a melt down and not be embarrassed. Patience is really a Virtue with a Autistic child. Jenny Garth has a son with Autism and she started dating Jim Carey he is terrific with the boy, maybe google them and see their story it might help. Bottom line is dealing with a child with Autism is rough because they are sensitive, and there is no guide books of what to expect and its so new to the community that we all learn tidbits from one another.
2007-10-27 06:23:57 · answer #4 · answered by pntnmrmansmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is try to join a 'support group' for parents of children with Atuism. If your woman friend does not belong to such a group, encourage her to join with you. No one can be 'perfect' when it comes to caring for a child with autism, but support groups can help you get through the 'tough times' ... they may have 'babysitting trees' so you can know the person who is taking care of this boy knows about Autism and what to do with the child, so you can BOTH get away for a day and relax. You will have friends whom you can call when the going gets rough, too ...
Believe it or not, I think that you have ALREADY made your 'lifetime commitment' to these people. Your questions are not about YOU but about your ability to 'take care of them' ... and that tells me that you are the right person in the right place to take this job and to be a GOOD PARENT to this little boy, and a good husband to this woman. Now ... go join that support group, and then go shopping ... she does need a nice ring for that left finger, now, doesn't she?
2007-10-27 06:33:08 · answer #5 · answered by Kris L 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a single mom of an eight year old child with autism, and I have been dating a man for a little over a year. My ex-husband remarried a wonderful woman this year. So, we have some experience with your concerns. But my child is better for having all these people in his life.
What they need from you...well love, patience, and understanding. Everything else is gravy. You can try learning some alternative ways of communicating, such as using picture cards and schedules. If the whole family uses them, they work even better. My site has links to free printable picture cards and schedules for you to try, if you like.
Take lots of pictures of you and him, and of the family together, and sit down and look at them together. Children with autism understand pictures.
You will also develop your own relationship with this child, apart from the mother. A child with autism can be hard to connect with but you will come to see that although they show love in subtle ways, they feel it quite intensely.
All you have to do for a child with autism is to be a good man. Keep your promises, and show up on time, and keep him safe, just as you would with any child. Do things with him, instead of telling him how to do them. Take time to show him how to hammer one nail. Take him with you on errands (short ones at first). Be proud of him in public. My child is severely affected, but I do not get flak about his repetitive speech and behaviors, because I am clearly loving and accepting of him in public.
I think one of the greatest roles you can fulfill as her partner and as a step dad is helping his mom be a woman. She needs to fulfill her side as a lover, friend, and companion to you. The more fulfilled she is in this way, and the more supportive you can be, the better mom she will be to her child with autism.
If you do decide to make this a life time commitment, just know that It will be very good for the child to see his mom in a loving, supportive relationship. Let him catch you hugging his mom and telling her how wonderful she is, and how much she means to you. Children with autism understand so much more than they can tell us.
You'll want to make sure you find a reliable nanny, or part-time caregiver, so you can both have time together for "dates" at least weekly, and so that she can work out regularly and foster her own interests. That will help with managing stress as well. The same goes for you.
Know this: it does get easier. Good luck with whatever you decide, and check out my podcast for more tips for living well with autism.
2007-10-30 16:49:17 · answer #6 · answered by Mary Fletcher Jones 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All your doubts reveal that the challenge is too much for you. That's not a bad thing. Raising a perfectly healthy child is already a lifetime of challenges.
If you feel trapped then you are. Sorry but the only way out is to get out.
2007-10-27 06:19:49 · answer #7 · answered by arubaseabreeze 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
"I have a need to pray prayer changes me not God." C.S. Lewis
Your heart is in the right place, your head isn't following, I can
appricate your doubts with good cause. Open your doubts and fears to this woman you say you love I think that is where you will find the answer to your fears and your decision. good luck and Blessings
2007-10-27 06:38:30 · answer #8 · answered by jenny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
...you know there are people out there working miracles with Autism...especially in Ca.I've seen it...good luck...
2007-10-27 06:17:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋