My son is 13 and I hate to say this, but fits many of the "stereotypes" of someone who is gay. I was wondering if I should just ask him if he is gay. Most parents live in denial and I don't want to do that. I don't want him to feel like he has to keep this in.
Any advice?
2007-10-27 03:20:23 · 27 answers · asked by Ugogirl 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
He's only 13, he's still finding himself! Give him some breathing room and don't put that kind of pressure that he has to label himself already. If he's not even "curious" and he's getting teased about that everywhere else in his life, imagine how he would feel that it follows him home as well. If you obviously have an open mind and that is represented in your life, then he will tell you if he ever needs to.
2007-10-27 03:23:29 · answer #1 · answered by Kimberly B 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think you should wait until he comes to you. He's only 13 so he is probably in a state of finding himself out (discovering his true orientation). If you say something about it now and he isn't sure if he is gay or not, or if he isn't gay in the first place, he will probably resent you thinking the way you do.
I'm 15 and very sure I'm a bisexual, however two years ago it was a hellish environment for me. I was sure I wasn't straight at the time- but i didn't really know how to identify myself. Not to generalize the early teens, but he is probably unsure. If I were you, I would wait one or two years for him to straighten his doubts( if there are any at all- there is a strong possibility he's straight). Just give it a little time and he will most likely get an idea of which team he plays for.
2007-10-27 12:25:06 · answer #2 · answered by Agent 007 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you could possibly do for him is to be a parent who supports gay people... don't allow the word "F@ggot" to be used in your house... don't let people use "gay" when they mean "stupid"... maybe watch "will and grace" or something with your son so you can comment on liking the show ( if you do )... there's also a gay kid ( not admittedly yet ) on "Ugly Betty" .. which is a great show... you could watch that and comment how he should just tell his mom .... and you could say something ( during the show ) like "god if you were gay I'd hate for you to think you couldn't tell me... "...
doing it that way will send a clear message that you're supportive and accepting... but it wont embarrass him by having you ask... when he's ready... hopefully he'll tell you ...
also... it's a good idea not to say stuff like "so do you have a girlfriend at school yet?"... better to say "is there anybody at school that you like"?... when the time comes...
hope this helps...
one last thought... not every effeminate kid is gay... I know you probably know that already but ultimately it's just about him being happy and honest with himself... whoever he turns out to be... :P
2007-10-27 10:52:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's very admirable that you are supportive and also that you have observed his behavior and you care - most parents wont even notice. I agree that you probably need to wait a little. Just one minor detail - when you do talk to him, avoid using the expression "I hate to say this, but I think you are gay". It is apparent that you love your son, that the idea that he might be gay is new and shocking to you, however, don't let him know that you "hate to admit or say or believe or whatever"; he will be vulnerable and might take it the wrong way. Love him and support him and the love will come back to you - you'll be your kid's best friend!
Have a good day!
2007-10-27 11:23:30 · answer #4 · answered by redfire 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's 13! He will probably only just have hit puberty. Let him grow up and be himself. If you have good channels of communication and he knows that you will love him whatever, he will tell you what he wants you to know, when he wants you to know it. Think back to when you were 13 and imagine how you would have felt if your mother had started asking you about your sexuality, about how much you didn't tell her as you grew older and became sexually active and just leave things alone. Your son will be gay, straight or bi; if he has an honest and trusting relationship with you, you will meet his sexual partners when he is old enough to have them.Welcome them then but don't stereotype him now.
2007-10-27 10:35:28 · answer #5 · answered by Sage 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a Catch 22 situation. If you ask him, he may be upset by thinking that others perceive him to be gay (whether he is or not), and if you don't ask him he could be struggling with who he is and needing someone to talk to.
I would suggest saying positive things about gay people, either someone you have personally known, a public personality, or a TV or movie character. If you do this often enough, he won't be afraid to tell you. He will be comfortable enough to tell you he is gay (if he is gay) and will learn to be non-judgmental towards gay people (if he is straight).
2007-10-27 19:53:14 · answer #6 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If my mom didn't ask me, I don't think it would've went much farther. I'm happy she did. it took me with a little shock at first, but she just wanted to let me know that she supported me, so I'm happy she confronted me (but again, at first, very shocked).
Tell him things like "I accept you for who you are." If he is gay, or no matter what he is, you can give him the idea that you're comfortable with who he is.
My mom asked me recently and I'm 15. If you son's in Middle School, wait a little longer until he's in high school. At that time, I just couldn't sort out my feelings.
2007-10-27 10:25:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
ok heres how it goes.. if you are watching a movie or doing sumntin together and he says stuff like thats gay or wtevr then you say yeah but there is nothing wrong with gay people and if you were gay i would love you the same. and basically let him take it from there. if he wants to tell you then he will, but dont force it out of him
2007-10-27 11:52:19 · answer #8 · answered by emorangers16 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Then let him know that its alright for him to be whoever and whatever he feels he is. Thats the most important thing you can assure him of, that you wont reject him whatever happens. He will come out of his shell (if he is gay) when he is ready to do so.
I have a feeling that you are close to your son, and if he is indeed gay, then kudos! Gay sons really love mothers who accept them for who they are.
2007-10-27 10:25:31 · answer #9 · answered by Joeyboy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ulimately, you may have to ask him, but wait for him to at least try to come out first. make sure he knpws that you are very accepting, but know that it will stilll be hard for him. if it seems like it is too hard for him, try toching on it some times with simple questions like, "do you wanna talk, you know you can tell me anything" try to make it very un-awkward (is that a word) for him
and always keep the option in your mind that he might actually not be gay, or he might be transgendered, most importantly just be there for him.
2007-10-27 18:46:37 · answer #10 · answered by Narry 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋