My present husband and I have been married for 14 year. He is never home due to work and when he's not home, he's never here. He's a Gemini and I'm a Cancer. He has been physically, verbally and emotional abusive. His last statement a few months ago was "if I met someone else, you would not have a chance". I've stayed in this marriage because I'm a christian and want to be faithful. I had been thinking about an old love I had about 20 years ago for over 2 months. I never contacted him; miraculously, he sent me a letter saying he wanted to talk with me. I have been talking with him on the phone and I've met with him. There is an agreement that, there would be no intimacy until I divorce and we have talked extensively about marriage. He makes me very happy as he did over 20 years ago. He has been divorced over 7 years. Our breakup was due to mostly immaturity.
2007-10-27 02:17:37 · 14 answers · asked by jirehent 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you feel that you are miserable and there is no way you can work on your marriage to make it better, I would consider divorce. It's good that you are not physically cheating because if you want a relationship with this man after divorce, you want him to be able to trust you. Good luck to you.
2007-10-27 02:24:12 · answer #1 · answered by Jenn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you and your current husband are in a stalemate. Be the bigger person, try and call a truce,if that works see if there is anything worth salvaging! If not, do you what feel is right!(for you) Now as far as the old flame goes, well I know you said that you guys have decided no intimacy untill your divorced, but I think that you guys are already intimate(emotionally) and that is taking away from the current marriage your in, plus regardless of what your husband does or did, that is still wrong of you. Now if you get the divorce, I think that you should use the seperation time for you and you only. Tell old flame that you need to grieve this 20 year relationship, and heal the hurt that caused you, before you can be in a wholesome relationship with him. If he is to the point of marriage, I think he will understand and agree you need that time to just get yourself together.(Plus, he been thru it before,& he has had hopefully 7 years to work on him) your not asking for that long but just some time.
2007-10-27 03:00:29 · answer #2 · answered by Mrs.G-unit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sister in Christ,
I urge you to seriously question what you are thinking of doing. Search the Lord for your answer, not the world. These people will not be here for you when you take the plunge and it doesn't work like you anticipated. God can and will heal your marriage if you ask Him and you put your faith in Him. So, go to God now, not later when things seem unfixable. They ARE fixable now. Question why this person from the past is approaching you, knowing that you are married to someone else. Does he have any respect for your husband? It doesn't seem like it, if he wants to take what isn't his. 50% of Christian marriages end in divorce. Why are we letting this happen? Is this not the enemy coming to kill, steal and destroy us? Take some time and look at these websites I'm posting for you.
Restoreministries.com
Rejoiceministries.com
The Power of a Praying Wife-- book by Stormie Omartian
I pray that the Lord will help you through this rocky time in your marriage, and that with His help, it will become better than it ever was. I hope this helps you.
2007-10-27 04:29:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know the feeling of trying to reconcile your Christian ideals with wanting some happiness. It is hard. Your husband does not sound like a nice person and he does not seem to care about the relationship. Personally, I would move on. I am a little concerned though that you are jumping into another relationship too quickly; you may want to consider making yourself independent and continue your other relationship while living separately. Don't get married right off the bat and make sure he is the right person.
2007-10-27 02:25:52 · answer #4 · answered by pamelaonthego 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you make out that both you and the hubby are strangers and the pasture is pretty bare, and both of you see green grass elsewhere, you both have no responsibilities such as kids, in your case I would say "go to it". what difference does it make wether or not your a christian or the sign you were born under? None. Women always throw out physical, verbal, and emotional abuse as reasons to justify doing what they want to anyway. It's BS but it also is "getting old". It also sounds like your living 'from' the past , but who cares? "Go, be happy. Just hope you get more from him than you say you got from the old hubby.
2007-10-27 04:25:23 · answer #5 · answered by reinformer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't come to Y!A looking for endorsement for your extra-marital stuff. Looks like you've got plenty of support in that already, but the fact is you ain't told us what you've done to work on your marriage. You're caught up in this hot fantasy about the one who got away "due to immaturity".
Seems to me a Christian who wants to be faithful would be talking about anger management for hubby and counselling with the pastor instead of being engaged with and planning to leave her husband for "an old flame". THAT would be immaturity.
Good Luck
2007-10-27 02:47:45 · answer #6 · answered by snvffy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your marriage and your relationship with this other man are separate its not the same your marriage is over leave move on wait for few years before marrying again while your new relationship with old bf might feel good and whatever how do you know your not jumping from frying pan to fire?
2007-10-27 02:23:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! What a debacle! Actually, I was in the same situation. I did leave my husband and I have happily been with ex from high school for 3 years now. I have a child and she loves him. When I married by ex-husband, I knew I didn't love the way I should. But, I was pregnant and thought that I had made my bed and I should lie in it. After 6 years, I was miserable, my daughter was miserable and my husband was trying to earn my love he never could. I realized that I deserved to happy. .My old flame held a special place that no one ever could replace. You too deserve to be happy and if you feel your ex-flame is what will make you happy, then you should try.
By the way, my ex-husband has re-married and is happier than ever too. It was hard on him at first but now he thanks me.
2007-10-27 02:28:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow.... I say follow your heart... why stay with someone who you don't love and your relationship is abusive.... Ex sounds like he respects you and feels the same.. everything happen for a reason... Good luck... and may the Lord with you..
2007-10-27 02:48:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband is as sick of you as you are of him. Do both of yourselves a favor, file and get a divorce, so that you both can move on.
2007-10-27 02:22:53 · answer #10 · answered by Beau R 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋