desperate for an answer.?

Question

I really need your honest answer to my question.

My fiance passed away last week after being in coma for 3 days as a result of a car accident. He had 2 months left to get his PhD and was truly loved by every single member of his family, to the extend that his little sister is all mute now, the mom is in denial of the death, and the older married sister is obviously very upset. She is also pregnant, and all I can do is to watch her and try to make sure she's taking care of herself and the baby :( It is also very hard for me to focus on her and keep an eye on her. Life just sux for me. Yahoo Answers is the only thing coming to my mind to find out the answer to my question. Will this much stress, depression and pressure of the death of a very loved one have negative affects on the baby? If so will you please tell me what?

Answer 1

Your late fiance's sister's baby is bound to be affected by what has happened - after all, he or she is going to be experiencing not only womb-life but her/his early childhood in a family which is stricken by terrible grief, and it does have an impact. It's unlikely that the situation has any physical impact on the baby, though not 100% impossible. But every child comes into a family dealing with particular things, and this tragedy, while it will colour his/her life, is not going to be as serious for the child as for you.

You see, I am wondering, when your response to the terrible and unexpected death of someone to whom you had committed your life is to think about his future niece/nephew, whether really the 'baby' whose future worries you is your self. We all have a self which longs, needs, to be loved and cared for without reserve or condition, and your need for love and care - which you had trusted was being taken care of - has just undergone the worst blow that anyone could ever imagine. The child which is coming is certainly a source of hope, a promise for the future, of life rather than death - and I hope you will have the opportunity to be involved in the wonder of her'his arrival and early months with the family that was to have been your own. But you also need to keep remembering that you, too, need love, care, a safe environment, protection, etc.

Perhaps some of your shock and grief can be made a positive by being there for his sisters and mother and the coming child, but do make sure you also get support from friends who are not as devastated and have more reserves to deal with the world for you.

Incidentally, people may well advise you to go for counselling. Unless you feel this is what you need, now is not the time for that. Mourning is a natural process, full of powerful feelings and numbness, anger, grief - whatever it is for you. It's only if you feel completely stuck - eg, if in a year's time you're still feeling as shocked and traumatised as you are today - that counselling is really worthwhile. I'm a psychotherapist - so this isn't an anti-counselling rant!

Take care of yourself, as well as everyone else.....

Answer 2

Tragic indeed. I feel you are very concerned for his sister and the baby's well being. I am almost in tears for all the family and you.
The baby is in some trouble from stress hormones. The only thing I can think is to pay very close attention to the soon to be mother and try to comfort her. Let her know that she going to be OK and the baby will be okay if she tries to keep calm. I know this is difficult but necessary for the baby's sake. What a sad thing a man on his way to a great life, marriage and a loving family left in a most horrid circumstance. My heart goes out to you. You, putting your feelings aside for the unborn child, I can't hold back the tears. Forgive me.
The mourning cycle is different for all people and that process is in its early stage. Maybe counseling or therapy will help a little. I hope so if you choose to do that. I know it is a hard time but please keep me informed on this most tragic event. Email is [e-mail]. I have no idea what you are going through no precedent. I feel I have done little to help and I wish I knew what else to say. Bless you and the family. I don't know of your religious convictions but if any apply seek shelter there. Once again; Bless you all in this most sorrowful time.

Answer 3

I am very sorry for your loss. God bless you and your family. You have a great supporting family and that will be what gets you all through this. I would keep an eye out for her and the baby but also remember there are other people doing that too. You need to take care of your own needs to be strong and there for other family members too. This will be one of the hardest things you will ever have to go through in life. Just remember your family is not in this alone.

She must think about her baby. That baby is the inspiration that life and love do go on when you need it to the very most. God bless<3

Answer 4

When I was pregnant, I went through a very traumatic event in my life and my child now three seems to be perfectly normal. The human mind and body is pretty resilient and always wants to return to balance even if that return is a little rocky along the way.
You speak of your fiance's sister but what about you? Don't transfer your own feelings of grief to her. Remember you have to take care of you and I'm sorry for your loss.

Answer 5

I am so sorry to hear this, I can't imagine what you are going through. To answer your question about the pregnant sister, to be honest, no one can say for sure. We all have our different ways of coping in times of need. She is going to be upset, understandably so. But just because she is grieving does not mean harm will come to the baby. She needs to make sure she is keeping herself taken care of and no physical stress such as losing a drastic amount of wieght or anything like that. You said she is married. I know you have the best of intentions looking out for her and being so concerned, but that is what her husband is there for. Let him do what he needs to do.

You need to focus on you. Like I said, I can't imagine what this would be like and I just wonder how you are handling this shock. You need to make sure you are eating and sleeping and surrounding yourself with people who love you and can help you grieve. I am so sorry to hear this. All I can do for you and his family and your friends is pray that God will help you through this time of loss and sorrow. The shock will wear off, and though you will never forget the pain, in time, the days will go by easier and eventually you will be able to love again. But for right now, yake this one day at a time. Make sure you are talking to friends and family so you don't hold anything in. It is okay to break down and cry hysterically. You don't have to be strong for anyone, you can cry and grieve openly.

I pray God helps you through this, and I already know He is because He is carrying you right now. He is carrying all of you. From my family to you and yours, we love you. Take care, one day at a time, and God bless.

Answer 6

My heart goes out to you and your family.
You really need to take care of yourself before you can take care of or even worry about others. But stress can have a negative affect on an unborn child but if the mother cares for herself, by eating balanced meals, resting as much as her body needs and keep other stressors to a minimum.
A balanced lifestyle in other words.
Please know you have many prayers coming your way.

Answer 7

In short, yes, the baby is a bit at risk. Women need to keep their stress levels down when pregnant. Miscarriage or pre term labour are both possibilities. But don't panic, other women have had enormous stress during pregnancy and still managed to give birth to healthy children.

Answer 8

some studies suggest that stress can have a negative effect on a baby. but this is a conversel subject. every person is different and the effects are none to unpredictable.
it may be vacation time for her, you need to get your mind off the grief.
sorry to hear about your fiance I had a similar experience with my wife.

Answer 9

First of all.. I am so very sorry for your loss.. You are so caring and thoughtful of his family. You need to take care of yourself as well. honey everything takes time, Time has a way of healing. God Bless all of you.
I provided a very good website, I am sire this will answer your question.. God help each of you, in this time of your loss.

Answer 10

I am sorry you are going thru this phase in your life, but trust me this a test which you have to overcome.

If i were you, i will take charge and get things under control, only time, patience and prayers will help this time.

Once you pass this, you can handle anything in your life..

god bless you