Military wives of a deployed spouse??

Question

Hey, I have a question. My husband deployed to Iraq about 2 1/2 months ago. He'll be home Spring of '08. I have been going through some kind of depression. I sleep all the time. Sometimes I just take a tylenol pm in the middle of the day because I can't take that day anymore. Other days, i'm happy (well as happy as I could be) and can get through the day just fine. I get to talk to my husband every couple days but he doesn't know I feel this way. I don't want him to worry because I cry myself to sleep at least 3 times a week. I'm just sad because I miss him so much. I'm scared if I go talk to a Dr (on base) they'll think I'm crazy or something & it's not even like that. I have a full time job, so I'm not sitting home all the time or anything. I just am tired of feeling so empty & even after sleeping in excess of 10-13 hours, I just want to go back to bed. or there are days where I can't sleep at all What should I do? What will the Dr do if i tell them im depressed? I AM NOT SUICIDAL!!!

Answer 1

You need to get something to occupy your mind and time. . Volunteer some evenings and weekends. Get involved in a church.

Oh and if you want to do something SPECIAL for when your hubby returns, go to the following website and register.
Then when you find out when hubby is going to be back, click on CONTACT US. If you don't hear from someone in a few days, go to the FORUMS section for your state and post a request for a SENIOR RIDE CAPTAIN to conatct you to set up a WELCOME HOME. It's just ONE of the things we (Patriot Guard Riders) do. And it's our FAVORITE mission!
There are no membership fees, no member dues, no meetings. You don't have to be a biker, a vet or even a family member/friend of a vet. You just have to CARE.
Our local PGR group just did a huge welcome home for Riverine Squadron One. About 30 bikers were there to welcome home 150 members (not one casualty!) of the River Rats of RivRon1. Six months from now, we'll be doing a Welcom Home for the group that releived them...RivRon2.
It's ALL FREE. Why do we do it? Because many of us are Viet Nam vets and we think our troops today should get a welcome home that we didn't. We believe we need to stand for those who have stood for us.
This group started in August of '05, by 15 American Legion members who stood against a group of demonstrators from the Westboro Baptist Church (do a google.com search on them) who go to military funerals and demonstrate with signs that say THANK GOD FOR DEAD SOLDIERS, THANK GOD FOR IEDS, THERE NEED TO BE MORE DEAD SOLDIERS, GOD HATES AMERICA, etc etc etc. Do a google.com search on FOX NEWS SHIRLEY PHELPS to learn more of their hateful tactics.
Our local PGR group will be going to the airport in a couple of weeks to welcome home ONE troop as he returns from duty in Iraq. I've seen tears in grown men's eyes as we have stood in the flag line (corridor of flags) during a welcome home for one or many of our troops. I know of one PGR who drove 300 miles in December to attend the funeral of a fallen hero. We were honored to escort the funeral of Master Diver, Master Chief Carl Brashear (subject of the movie MEN OF HONOR...played by Cuba Gooding) last year. We have done a few funerals locally, but like I said, WELCOME HOME misisons are our favorite, and this would be something your hubby will never forget. Not only do we meet the troops, but when it's one, we even escort them to their home. One troop lived on a cul-de-sac and his whole neighborhood turned out, waving flags (there were even flags stuck into the ground from the corner all the way up to his drive way on both sides of the street).
My wife has been 'left behind, too. She had 2 boys to take care of and after they were both in school, she took a job. I was gone 13 months (over 6 of which there was no mail service), 12 months and twice at 6 months each. The last 3 times, mail took 10 -14 days one way. I only got to call her once in one of my 6 month tours. During my 13 month deployment, once in a while we were able to get a radio-phone patch to the states...usually woke her up in the middle of the night to say, "I LOVE YOU, OVER". We still use 'OVER' sometimes when we tell each other I LOVE YOU.
I get the feeling you're not near/on a military base. Are there any other military wives close by?
Being the wife of a military man can sometimes be very, very difficult. I understand that very well. But, like I said in the beginning, you need to keep yourself busy. Keep a journal. I did that when I was gone 13 months and when the mail opened up, I mailed it to my wife. She wrote often so when the mail opened up, I had over 100 letters from her alone.
I've written your Y/A name in my online prayer logbook (I keep it by my computer), so you will be included in my prayers each day.
(USN, retired)

Answer 2

Trust me when I say the Dr. will not think your crazy. All military wives go through what your going through. I am right now too. My husband has bone in Iraq for almost 3 months and I still cry myself to sleep almost every night because the night time was always "our" time. No interuptions from the kids and we would just talk about our days and it makes it hard to deal now that he's not here. I have the opposite problem with the sleep though. I can't fall alseep till almost 4 am and then i get up as soon as the kids do. I'd like to think it will getter better in the next few months but I know it may not. Dont worry about seeing a Dr. You need to do whats in your best interest. He/she might ask if your thinking about suicide but all you have to do is tell him exactly how you feel and because he/she will most likely be a military Dr., they'll know what your going through because i'm sure they've seen this millions of times. Best of luck and if you need to talk just send me an email. I'll always be around.

Answer 3

Ok being depressed is normal while a loved one is deployed and he has proubly went through the same thing. If you feel that the depression is having a negitive effect on you then you may want to seek help. One other thing is that you may feel much better if you told your spouse about it, and he may be able to comfort you more on the phone. I do know the mailing system in Iraq works quite well and sometimes something he could write or send to you could become an article of comfort. To be realistic the news media makes it all look worse than it is, and if you explain to him you would like more contact in one way or another he will proubly find some time to do so. There are tons of internet and phone services set up in many camps. If he is in Anaconda, Striker, and Victory he should have no reason to not call, e-mail, instant message, or even write you daily. Hope things get better for you.

Answer 4

This is absolutely normal, I went through the same thing, only three times a week you cry? Ok, we all know its every night but until your depression starts interfering with your life then I wouldn't worry about it. I have/had a job while my husband was deployed also and my depression started interfering with my work yet I never sought medical attention and I wish I would have. They won't think your crazy, they understand more than you think, they, in my opinion, don't care that much to keep you there, they would rather get you out and give you some drugs (that's how they at our post anyway). Yea, it sucks major monkey co'ck with our husbands gone and what you are going through is nothing out of the ordinary, eventually (for me anyway) your hurt and depression become numb and that's why I wished I would have gone to the doc because I had to go through the whole un-numbing after my husband got back and then back into the depression phase which didn't work. I had to keep myself busy, busy, busy, get another job, go to the gym, volunteer, anything to keep your mind off of the matter. Omg, the sleep thing is totally normal, HA, oh gosh, I wouldn't beable to sleep at night because around 2-5 am is when my husband would get on the computer (maybe, I could only talk to him appx once a week on the computer) so not being able to sleep beacause i was always wondering if he will get on or not, I would not fall asleep until around 4am, I would start being able to sleep better during the day because he would get online at night. There are days you won't sleep, I've had many, couldn't sleep that night and can't sleep during the day. Mine was gone for 12 months and he's leaving soon for 15-18 months and I'm definitely seeking medical attention when needed, take care of yourself, don't think you don't deserve it, that is only the depression talking. You can email me, and any military wife on here for any advice, if they are like me they are willing to offer advice to any military wife in need.

Answer 5

Go to the doctor. You're not crazy. You're depressed. The doctors see it all of the time. There is no shame in seeking help when it is needed.

I'm glad you have work to fill your time, but what else do you do outside of your husband? Take some classes, find a hobby, volunteer for a cause you believe in, join a gym, go to church, start a project at home, get together with friends, join a support group-- whatever it is you enjoy.

Having a full life outside of your husband really makes it easier.

Answer 6

Hi Kristen! My husband just left a week and a half ago for a 15 month deployment (our 3rd together). I know what you are going through. I dont cry every day, but I sure do lose sleep just like everyone else, worrying about that 3am log in!! I have a computer right by my bed and I wiggle the mouse ALL NIGHT!! Sometimes I just have to laugh at myself for that. That to say, we all have been there (at least the good wives go through what you are), but it is important to seek help.

I wouldnt DARE tell my doctor about any depression. While I KNOW they look for that kind of stuff in spouses (I am asked if I am depressed at every doc appt), many of the doctors are Army doctors and I just dont feel comfortable revealing that kind of stuff to an army doctor. Maybe I think he will view it as weakness. I dont know. BUT, here is information for Army One Source. The chain of command here really pushes it. It is an independent agency that is funded (maybe part or fully funded) by the military. They have people available 24/7, 365 days, to answer ANY questions. They can refer you to a counselor in your area, and I am 99% sure (because I researched it at a time I felt like I needed it but never followed through) they pay for the counseling through their funding, NOT through Tricare. So it wont get back to the doctor.

Hope that helps. And yes, like someone else said, email anytime. We ARE a family and we DO stick together and take care of our own. Sometimes just reaching out to someone that understands will help. Take care!

Answer 7

Absolutely normal. And don't worry about doctors thinking you're crazy, we all went through what you're going through. And most of us still go through it every time. Why do you think I'm on yahoo answers at 3 in the morning? But if you don't feel comfortable talking to a professional on base, try to look up any website of military spouses. There are forums out there where we all just support each other. This is a great place to communicate with spouses who understand exactly what you're going through. Whether you're sad, angry, hurt, or just bored someone's always there feeling the same way you are.

How about researching and making lists of places you want to go to with him (that's what I do), things to do with him, ideas for Christmas gifts....These are what I do (I'm basically stuck to my computer) because I don't really want to go out and see other couples or do things without my husband. Some people do better when they go out with friends or pick up a new hobby.

By the way, if you see a psychologist/therapist all they're going to do is listen to you. If need be, then they'll refer you to a psychiatrist who can prescribe medicine for you (anti-depressants). But I highly doubt that they're going to do that for you. These people are used to spouses coming in for the same thing. We are just overwhelmed and they will know how to handle things.

I hope things get better for you. Deployments are hard and this life (military life) has some pretty unique sacrifices entailed and people will understand if you don't feel up to doing anything. Good luck to you. By the way, how about contacting your ombudsman? They would be great people to talk to. From the ombudsman, to the chaplain, to the command, and yes even to the doctors on base, they are used to this and would know best what resources to offer to you. And like the other wife here said, you can contact any of us. We're all going through the same thing, look we're all on yahoo answers at an ungodly hour. Good luck.

Answer 8

Hey, I really don’t know where to start and what to say, its very hard to be away of someone you love for 6- 8 -9-or 15 months its very hard but the one you love looking for your support, and I don’t think he would be happy to hear you story being depressed and not living your life normally again he is looking for you support and I am sure he thinks about you too and maybe more. live your life normally, working shopping write him letters send him emails and if he has cellophane call him or maybe you can set a time to communicate with him and see each others over webcam show him your love.
I am telling you that because I am in Iraq and I am in the same boots he is on but believe me its not that bad as you see on media hey just showing things over and over and our families just use there emotions.
Just pray so he can get back home safe and love each others more and more.

Answer 9

What you are experiencing is perfectly normal for some.
The doctors will be able to help you and get you in touch with some support groups.
If not I would suggest going to www.militaryonesource.com and they will be able to help you as well.
I know it is very hard and it really never gets easier. My suggest would be to try a new hobby or something. It helps to keep your mind busy when your loved one is away. I understand you have a job but you still have a lot of time at home.
Try to make a scrapbook for your husband, write to him, or keep a private journal with your feelings.
I wish you both the best of luck.

Answer 10

I have a few friends who had similar symptoms. The general recommendation was either some form of anti-depressants or counseling or a mix of both. Your Doctor or a counselor at the family service center or a chaplain all would be good places to start to get help for this.

Please don't think that you have to be suicidal or anything to get help. If you start looking for help before it gets that bad it's easier to help you. And you don't want to take the chance that things will get worse to quickly for you to get help later. Please go in somewhere and let them know what's going on. We don't need to loose any more wives to depression.

Answer 11

Listen........go and talk to the doctor about it. Seriously! You need to realize how many dependents do go a talk to the doctor about the same thing you are talking about. Believe me, they have seen a lot of what you might have.

Good luck & take care

SSG Schramm
US Army 15 years
OIF 2003