1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"
3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.
7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.
9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.
10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out:"Tee hee, Brutus."
11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw.
13. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
14. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.
15. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.
16. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
17. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
18. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroicouplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
19. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
20. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
2007-10-26 19:20:42 · 23 answers · asked by Jim Jnr M 6 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Hey, man, I had to shut the window because of laughing.
Great!!!
2007-10-26 20:11:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tee Hee, Brutus!
Hurled biscuits and threw the java.
Drake Circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
MUAHAHAAAA!!
I think I just broke something laughing. Those were all superb, thank you much. I used to have a bunch of these but I don't know what I did with them... saving these, and giving you a star!!
2007-10-27 21:35:30 · answer #2 · answered by Dragonfly Girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I particularly like the bits about Queen Elizabeth and John Milton. I'm going to stay away from Drake, though.
2007-10-27 02:53:12 · answer #3 · answered by Rat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might well laugh - but such answers would probably get an A Grade nowadays, following 10 years of Tony Blair's priority
of "Education, education, education."
2007-10-27 02:48:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My goodness! I, too, was supposedly born on my birthday! I never realised I had so much in common with Shakespeare!
2007-10-27 03:34:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is what happens when people do their homework via Yahoo. Keep those not so helpful or wrong answers coming.
2007-10-27 04:06:51 · answer #6 · answered by Grinning Football plinny younger 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These children need educating in the old 'home education' sense of the word.
Dumbass'
2007-10-27 03:09:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go Shakespeare for your hysterectomies!
2007-10-27 02:30:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I loved them all but 16 broke me up!! Hurrah!! hahahahahaha!!
2007-10-27 14:56:37 · answer #9 · answered by Polar Molar 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
fookin brilliant hun, shows how bad the education system can be, pmsl
star time
xxxxxxxxxxxx
2007-10-27 06:42:51 · answer #10 · answered by tastybits 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋