Atheists: before you realized you were atheist, did you feel like you lacked freedom to admit non-belief??

Question

(my experience) i did. i was scared to admit that i had my doubts, but i knew deep, deep down i couldnt truly believe, even though i wanted to believe... all those years i felt trapped, it seemed like it was very wrong to doubt. it seemed like everyone was able to believe except me. it also felt like an obligation to believe. and that fed my fear even more to admitting my doubts. therefore, it felt like i lacked the freedom to express and admit how i truly felt.

i jumped those hurdles (slowly, but i managed) and now i am openly what i truly always was...atheist. one of the biggest things that made me realize it was safe to not believe, is the fact that i live in a free country where i can be who i am and believe what i do believe (it took me a long time to realize that).... i am very thankful for that!


may i please hear some of YOUR experiences??

its quite interesting to see how some have struggled and some who have had different experiences.

Answer 1

Here's my story....I was raised in a Jewish home. I had gone to the synagogue with my family (more often when I was younger), celebrated the Jewish holidays, etc. (Thankfully for me my immediate family doesn't keep kosher.) When I was a kid, I knew deep down that I didn't really believe in god but I tried so hard to make myself believe. When I was little I didn't even know that there was the option to not believe in god. I tried for years and years to believe in god, but when I was in my teens I realized that I shouldn't have to try. If I was going to believe in god, it shouldn't be that hard. I realized that I just flat out did not believe there was a god. At first I didn't make my beliefs known, but eventually I just came right out and said those 5 magical words: "I don't believe in god." It was very liberating to be able to say this outloud, to be able to be as open about my non-beliefs as others were about their beliefs. Now, in my mid-twenties, I won't hesitate to tell someone (if they ask of course) that I don't believe in god or that I am an *gasp* atheist!

Answer 2

Going to a Christian school as a child, coming from a Christian family, having only Christian friends in the past - living in that environment, i never really had a chance to explore my own beliefs. I didn't want to seem different to my peers, and i also wasn't really sure what i actually did believe, so i latched onto the only thing i was familiar with, and that was Christianity. I guess, it's not that i felt 'repressed', (though subconsciously i might have, since i have always feared being 'different'), but i simply never realised that there were other things out there, a different way of thinking, another perspective.

But, going into high school opened up my eyes so much, and i began breaking out of my old mould, and developing my own ideas. Ever since then, i have felt such mental and spiritual freedom. And it feels so very good now. =)

Answer 3

Yes, actually you are right. I was raised as a Christian. I tried very very hard to be one as well. I studied and learned as i thought that would enforce my beliefs. It did not. I still bite my tongue when around certain relatives. I lied to myself and made up reasons to believe. Deep down i did not. I found it so hard to believe that what i had been force fed as a child was wrong. So i studied more. I went on a quest to find the RIGHT religion. As i decided that there must be a God and that the Christian Church had just gotten it wrong. I spent quite a few years researching. When i delved into the ancient Middle Eastern religions is when i finally made my mind up. Similar stories have existed since the Stone Age. People need something to grasp because life is scary. Some choose to grasp fanciful stories. I am not one of them anymore.

Answer 4

When I was a kid I asked jesus to save me many many times. Basically every time an opportunity at church or school came up, I would pray for it because I was never convinced that it really worked the last time.

By the time I was in middle school, they were teaching us that you can't just be saved to avoid going to hell, you had to mean it and serve him. This just confused me even more because naturally, I was TERRIFIED of going to hell and if god is all-knowing, he was going to see right through me.

Then I started thinking about ancient religions. Judaism has always been an exclusive religion that killed entire cities on god's order rather than save them, so naturally, they all went to hell. And what about all the ancient religions that preceded judaism and christianity? Aren't they more likely to be right? Of course these thoughts were sinful, so I would pray for forgiveness.

But what kind of god would punish me for my thoughts? I could hardly stop them. I was legitimately concerned about the state of soul and I wanted to get this religion thing right. (more sinful thoughts) So I slipped into agnosticism, mostly because I was tired of asking for forgiveness for things I didn't physically do.

Recently, I read Richard Dawkins' book, The God Delusion. It really helped me put things in perspective. Maybe there is a god and when I meet him, I'll just tell him about my persuit of truth and my moral character and maybe he'll see things my way (which he should have no problem understanding since he can read my thoughts.) But since there is a very good chance that there is no god, I won't have to answer to anything. I'll have a nice, clean cremation and if I get a choice, become a ghost in my favorite residence and spend the rest of eternity freaking out the living.

And just for the record, I'm still terrified of going to hell.

Answer 5

Coming from a strict Roman Catholic family I certainly did and sometimes still refrain from expressing my true feelings on religion. My grandmother was buried with a picture of Pope John Paul whom she met and waited like 17 hours in line to do so. Most of my family knows my beliefs and always seem to forward me the most aggressive emails about atheists. I consider myself an agnostic, but still am just as looked down upon. I only wish logic and reason was as powerful as blind faith and this would never be an issue. My father who is an atheist still has never voiced it to his own mother. I have been nixed off certain relatives Christmas card lists because of my beliefs. All of this bothers me to a certain extent but I do not let any of it get in my way of rational thinking. "I do not consider it an insult to be called an agnostic, but a compliment. I do not pretend to know where so many ignorant men are sure."

Answer 6

It's sad to hear people feel they are obliged to believe in something they have not experienced. An atheist has no belief system in God at all. i wonder why you felt you had to believe?
I would be very interested to hear what happened in your life to bring you to this point. I admire your honesty, most atheists simply just want to be argumentative but you seem a little different.

Answer 7

My parents were agnostic, leaning heavily towards Atheism. Both were raised as christians, my mother's father was a vicar. My siblings and myself and all our children and children's children are Atheist.
Aged fifty now and I still find it difficult to admit my Atheism to certain people, although my silence at times probably gives it away for me. It depends on the situation, if I am in someones home, I keep quiet if they are believers but if they are in my home, things are very different.

Answer 8

I felt that same way. I admitted to being an athiest after realizing that I am not alone. Sure, we are DEFINETLY a minority when it comes to religion, but it's better than believing something only because of the people around you.

Answer 9

I wouldn't describe myself as an atheist, more an agnostic. I am not afraid to say that to anyone, even my Christian friends but it took some courage to admit it to myself. I was indoctrinated, from birth, as most people are, into a religious belief. I was taught by my mother to pray before I went to sleep and her constant saying was "God never sends you more than you can cope with", which is patently not true. People who have breakdowns or even commit suicide have all been sent more than they could cope with.

I have allowed my own children to form their own opinions without any guidance from me; one is a believer and one not. I think that was a job well done.

Answer 10

Best question I've heard all night.

I'm still hesitant to say out loud that I'm an athiest. I grew up in the church, my grandparents are ministors and I went to a christian school. When practically everyone you've ever known and respected thinks one specific thing it can be scary to question that thing.

When it comes down to it I'm dissapointed that with all my years involved in the church asking bluntly for an explanation I was never given anything remotley satisfying.