My 4 year old daughter is a terror. I don't think that she even has it in her to be good. However, she is good at school. At home she is always screaming, telling everyone no, will NOT listen, won't clean up her toys, NOTHING. I've tried being calm, yelling, time out, taking toys, reward system, everything... nothing works.
My 10 year old step son is not much trouble but is very mean and lazy. He doesn't use much comon sence either. He won't help out unless you ask him a few times and this is for even the simplest of things. Basically, he doesn't like me. He's never had to clean his room or do his laundry till I came around. 6 years later, it still bugs him.
My 11 year old step daughter prides herself on being mean and rude. She actually brags about it. She is also VERY argumentative. Even when she's wrong she'll argue till she's blue in the face. She treats everyone around her like crap and I'm sick of it.
They're OUT OF CONTROL. What can I do?
2007-10-26 18:07:42 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sadly children behave the way they do because of the way the parents behave unless there is a medical condition.
Step children are a nightmare because usually the parent has guilt feelings about separating the kids from the ex , or the ex causes all sorts of problems so the parent ends up being too soft. If the kids see a difference between the parents they will exploit it mercilessly.
Your first step is to sit down with your partner and agree a response to any given behaviour that you both enforce rigidly.
Even get the kids to suggest appropriate punishments. You might be astonished at the suggestions. My 8YO came up with no TV for a week for being rude!!
Time out/loss of priveleges/reward usually works given time but you MUST stay calm at all times. You must adopt a consistent approach for at least three months.
Recognise that a change of rules won't get an instant response. It can take months. Try and get the kids involved in activities with you. Get the 10 and 11 year old help making dinner or baking or something.
My 2 are 5 and 8 both boys. My 8YO apparently has behavioural problems. bursts into tears if he is challenged, throws things, goes off in the huff, punches himself in the face if he is shouted at etc etc. This happens in school and at mums and he has an SEN.
I only have them 4 nights a fortnight and half the school holidays but I have never seen any of this behaviour except when I pick him up from mums. She refuses to believe that he is an absolute little angel when he is with me or my friends.
He loves helping cook dinner or washing up and the younger one dries the dishes. The only problem I have with them is getting them to tidy up, but to be honest that's probably because my house is always so untidy anyway.
My ex talks at them, I talk with them. Even my 5YO knows who is Prime minister. I doubt my ex does.
Your 4 year old is the one to concentrate on first because they react to regime change much quicker at that age. I'm sure that given time you will discover that your spoilt brat can be a delightful and angelic little girl. Ask yourself if there is any reason she might crave attention. Do you make a point of having quality time with her? Does your partner?
My 5 YO used to throw tantrums until he discovered that I just ignored him and walked away. I never shout at them if they are bad I just ignore them or put them to bed until I get an apology. It never takes more than a couple of minutes.
You will get there in the end but you need to establish control quickly. It will be hard at first but persevere and persevere. It will be worth it.
Good luck
2007-10-26 19:03:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe your youngest has learnt tricks from the older two. If she is good at school, she does know how. Maybe if you and your partner work out a plan for all three and really stick with it, you might have more luck with her. Maybe the other two need reigning in before they hit their teens, esp. the oldest. If they are selfish and mean, maybe they could do with some exposure to people who don't have it as easy as they do eg. some sort of community volunteer work as a family for the older two, or travelling etc. Maybe if you and your partner are totally united and consistent (don't relent and don't let them play you off against one another), you can use rules and responsibilities as well as priviliges (stick and carrot) to get them under control. Maybe the kids can be involved in the making of rules, rewards and consequences - not the actual decision that things are going to change, but in how it will work. The kids should live with you, not you live with them (a lot of western society seems not to think like this now though?). If the stepson does help when you ask, maybe just keep asking nicely and explaining things he seems to miss seeing and sooner or later it might start sinking in and he will think how can I help for himself and feel good about being able to (maybe?). Good luck with it.
2007-10-27 01:38:32 · answer #2 · answered by Max 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There's nothing wrong with a swift pop on the back of the hand. Start taking away privileges, snacks, and fun things. Talk to their teachers and request that your child have extra homework for practice when they act up.
But I don't recommend giving rewards for things done right that are expected to be done correctly.
Hope this helps. Good luck to you.
2007-10-27 01:13:32 · answer #3 · answered by Mary S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relax chill, dont get worked up. They are all at that phase in their young age, they want to be in control and have an attitude. Be nice to them no matter what, they are just children, talk to them put some sense into them and they will understand and obey. No use yelling at each other it dont work. Kindness will pay.Your 4 yr old is tooo young.Still a baby. Love them all no matter what they will grow out of this phase soon.Dont stress yourself over these issues its bad for your health.
2007-10-27 01:13:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Call nanny 9 11 lol
Talk to your 4yo's teacher. Since shes good at school, mabey she will have some good tips for you. As for the other ones, talk to your hubby. It's kind of hard when it comes to step children, they will probably not listen to you just because "you arent my mom" kinda thing. Good Luck!
2007-10-27 01:12:35 · answer #5 · answered by PEANooDLE 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
DIVORCE FROM THE CHILDREN!!!
ARE THE STEP CHILDREN THERE 24/7? IS THAT WHY YOUR DAUGHTER ACTS OUT TOO? MONKEY SEE, MONKEY DO? IT SEEMS LIKE YOU LET THEM "WALK ALL OVER YOU". YOUR 4 YR. OLD IS CAPABLE OF BEING GOOD, YOU SAID YOURSELF, SHE'S GOOD IN SCHOOL. SHE KNOWS HOW TO "WORK YOU". 10 YR' OLD... LAZY AND MEAN... PRETTY NORMAL, I STILL CAN'T GET MY HUSBAND TO TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE... SIMPLE TOO.. 11 YR. OLD ...IS ACTING LIKE A 30 YR. OLD. HER BEING ARGUMENTATIVE IS ALSO A CHARACTERISTIC OF BEING A WOMAN.
ARE THEY GOOD IN THE COMPANY OF OTERS? LIKE FRIENDS HOMES, RELATIVES ETC...? IF THEY ARE RESPECTFUL TO OTHERS, YOU DID A GOOD JOB IN RAISING THEM, NOW YOU NEED TO WORK ON DISCIPLINE AT HOME.
2007-10-27 01:20:24 · answer #6 · answered by tiffany 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Take away everything and tie chores to meals. Go 'Little House on the Prarie" on them and they will straighten up.
2007-10-27 01:12:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
When they do something positive give positive feed back, when they do something negative don't give feedback just let them know that u disapprove
2007-10-27 01:13:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Seems to me someone didn't do their job as parent! A child's behavior is a reflection of the parents who did, or failed to do, proper training.
2007-10-27 01:11:46 · answer #9 · answered by missingora 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Do wat my parents did... spank them! Make them do all the work in the house, take all their stuff, no dessert, get a nanny, scare them, do something!
2007-10-27 05:47:23 · answer #10 · answered by Gabriel E 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋