suppose your friend's military career is ruined?

Question

thanks to a backstabbing friend of your wife's. he is barred from re-enlistment. and to top it all off, she still hangs out with her. all they do is create more drama. i can't look at her without being disgusted, she doesn't understand the concept of standing behind her husband. i can't get into specific details, but my problem is this: i can't look at him without thinking he's a complete jackass and he can't control his family. if he did, he wouldn't be in the mess he's in now. i can't be anymore blunt than i have already been and there isn't anything else i can say. i don't think i be friends with them anymore. it's not positive, but i still feel bad. am i doing the right thing?

p.s. for all you vets and AD, i can say that it's a eval thing that caused the bar, then you should get the point

this is what really sucks because i know you guys need specifics and i can't give them to you because it's too specific. i'm thinking on how to word it.....

ok, i'm going to do some free association: lazy, more than gross, smelly house, cps, take away, breaking and entering, clean up, three days, nothing happened, talk about, re-up, re-inspect, housing, fail, eval, 2.0, bar

i know but it is so specific and so crazy that people will know and it's not even the half of it

Answer 1

LMAO I love your "free association." Nah I wouldnt be friends with them anymore. They arent taking responsibility for themselves. And he deserves to be barred from reenlistment. It isnt just HER fault, it is his. First, he shoulda left her. But second, as my husband always says, if you cant lead your home, you cant lead your soldiers. So even IF he is a good soldier, if he has all this drama surrounding his private life (and his NCOs and commanders are STILL having to deal with it), then he is a drain on the system. I know a family who couldnt maintain a clean home and, according the our Department of Family and Child Services (DHR), they were neglecting them. They have been in state custody a few weeks shy of a year. He has been a spec4 since he was in Iraq last time (got home January 05), and now he is back in Iraq. They wont send him to the Board with all the problems, though it hasnt been so bad that he has been barred from reenlistment-so the situation with your "friends" must be pretty bad.

So distance yourself from them and maybe they will get their act together! You cant do it for them, and you definitely shouldnt invest anymore emotionally into the situation. Good luck!

Answer 2

That's one thing that frequently is a problem in the Army and most likely other branches (I'm Army Active so I can't really comment too much about the others). The female is typically believed first then the male. What's more funny is that even if the female is the soldier it will still go that way.

In terms of an eval the only one I can think of happens on a special floor in the hospital. If he failed that then I don't object with forcing him to get out. But it's also very possible that the spouse could be causing it all. All he had to do was specify.

When it comes to you in the situation, Army couples can be perfect or very bizzare. Step back from them before you add to the fire and become a liability to either party.

Answer 3

My husband's military career was ruined by a "friend" as well, I feel everyone's pain. So, if I am correct, his wife is responsible for ruining his military career, or his wife's friend? It isn't his fault, whatever happened. I don't see why you can't still be friends with him just because he's no longer in the military. I guess I just simply don't understand exactly what is going on. Maybe if I knew more about the situation (which of course you have a right to not share), I may be able to judge better. If it feels like the right thing for you to do, then do it, that's the only advice I can give!

Answer 4

I know EXACTLY what you are talking about, and yet it amazes me how many spouses think they what they do has zero impact on their Sponsor's career. Ultimately, it is indeed the SM's fault for not bringing his family into line. I know it sounds like a bad 50's stereotype, but it's true.

I know people who been kicked out of base housing because of their habits, and I know family members who were barred from base because of their actions. Including an E7's son who was forcibly removed from the base and sent home from an OCONUS assignment because he got into so much trouble. and the E7 had to finish out his tour alone.

Answer 5

Well without all the details, I can't make heads or tails of it. If this friend knew what was going on and didn't do anything to stop it, or if he didn't know and didn't stand up for himself, then things are as they should be. If your friend was totally blind-sided by these actions, he should fight this.
I would tell your friend that you are sorry that this happened and be supportive of your friend, but not of the wife and her friend, unless your frienship depends on that.
If what the wife and her best friend did are that immoral or vile to you, then you should not be friends with them, and you can explain this to your friend in terms he will understand.
Just tell him you can't stand by and watch what these women will do to ruin his career. This will not just affect his military career, either.

Answer 6

Is it adultery and swapping partners? If thats the case and someone informed the chain of command, then he deserves to be barred form re-enlistment!

Answer 7

If you can't stand her, you're within your rights not to hang with her. If you can't stand him, ditto. What are you supposed to do...fake a relationship?

Answer 8

What was this evil thing????