My brother is 19 and lives with his girlfriend.
He is always getting into trouble or wrecking his car which therefore costs my parents a lot of money to fix. My parents are always in a bad mood and aren't able to get me the things I need because they are too busy spending time and money to clean up his messes.
My brother only thinks of himself and doesn't take anything seriously. He works at a fast food place and uses his money to make his car payments and buy drugs and thats it.
I'm afraid that my parents aren't going to let me drive or get a job when I want to because they're afraid I will end up an idiot like him.
I strive to be the perfect child everyday.
I do chores without being asked, maintain good grades, and don't get into trouble. But all their attention is always focused on my brother's latest incident.
Is there anything I or my parents can do?
2007-10-26 16:06:09 · 18 answers · asked by Kinzi 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your parents need to quit catering to this overgrown infant.
Quit giving him money. He needs to understand that there are repercussions for his actions... if he doesn't take care of his car, he has to spend money to get it fixed... if he doesn't pay bills, he gets cut off... etc.
If your parents don't want to spend all your college tuition and their retirement money on this twerp, they need to change the locks on the house and CUT HIM OFF!
The parents who leave the parenting to the school system and the kids' peers, will indeed reap what they sow. They will spend more time hauling the kids to rehab clinics, bailing them out of jail, and probably supporting the little rats into their 30s.
2007-10-26 16:21:36 · answer #1 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry about what your brother is up to. He really needs to get a life and stop interfering in yours. It must be quite a cold situation at home you are facing. I suggest, u do try to find your independence, by maybe moving out etc., but before that, talk to your guy-friend and tell him some of your fears and feelings. I think if he is an understanding and caring friend, he will feel for you and support you in this dilemma. But, be tactful when you tell him, and diplomatic, because I'm sure you wouldn't want your own person (your bro) to look too idiotic, he's Your brother after all. So, tell your friend in a nice but sad way that this pains you and you would appreciate it if he supports you. A loving friend surely will! I'm sure things will be fine, just talk it over in the right way. And you don't have to let your bro meddle in your affairs. On the other hand, maybe you could try to get him to something interesting, like introduce him to a lady friend etc. Good luck.. and God bless u
2016-04-10 08:58:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My brother was just like that. He was 31/2 yrs. older than I and he always seemed to get all the attention. If he got an A on something and so did I, the attention would go to him. All the teachers gave all their attention to him too because he challenged them everyday and wanted to debate etc. That was 10 years ago...thats how long my brothers been gone. He died when he was 19. Your parents may be more protective of you and give you stricter curfews, but your brother probably didn't make it worse for you. If you were the first born, they would be worried sick about you going out with friends etc. It's just because your a girl. And now that your brother grew up first, they may be wiser with you...but they will be more tired and happy that the worst is over with your brother. All you have is a few more years and you can move out on your own and you don't have to worry about your parents. But they do love you very much, they just have to give him more attention right now...because he needs it and isn't as together as you. They should stop helping him so much though and let him learn from his mistakes. They know you have everything under control. Just be glad you still have a Brother and try to make friends right now, he probably needs it. After my brother died, my parents got very protective over me and my curfew became an hr. earlier than it used to be.
2007-10-26 16:19:40 · answer #3 · answered by sun day 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the right thing, even though you are not getting appreciation or notice, its ok. You will reap the benifits inthe long run.Keep concentrating on your education and you will be successful in life. Do all you can for yourself, no matter what. Eat well, exercise is important very important, educate your self, education is prioroty, take care of your health and most of all be happy. Love and respect yourself and dont go astray like your brother and become a wreck.He is only 19 and out of control.Your parents should talk to him and advice him, he is still young and not thinking rationally. He needs adult guidance and emotional support too.19 or 24 they are still children in their minds, the brain is not fully developed.They think they know it all but they dont.
2007-10-26 16:14:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your parents should stop helping him but you aren't the person to make them do that. They have to realize it themselves. Maybe you could call a family conference and lay out your problems just the way you did here. Or print this out and give it to them. Tell them how you feel. Maybe that will help with communication.
They love your brother and are just trying to do what it right. They just may not realize how much it is affecting you or know exactly what to do to fix it. It is really hard being a parent and we're not perfect. But hopefully you all can come to a place where you can communicate about your problems openly.
2007-10-26 16:12:58 · answer #5 · answered by RLW 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You're a big help to your folks right now. Take a moment to understand frustration from a parental perspective. Your parents have a child that is reckless and who apparently lives destructively. Are you old enough to find a job? Maybe this will help you get the things that you need.
2007-10-26 16:17:16 · answer #6 · answered by Grace777 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think your parents need to understand that by getting him out of all the messes, they are simply allowing him to continue to make more messes without ever having to face any consequences. they do this because they love him and think this is best for him...but it only enables him more. vicious circle! next...with very small steps first, ask for small things...with a reminder....a very gentle reminder....."mom, dad, i would like to go to the movies with my friends on Friday. i know you worry that i will get into trouble, but the only way i can prove that i won't, is by showing you. thus far, i haven't gotten into any trouble." if they seem reluctant still, explain that you have learned a lot from watching my brother and the trouble he has gotten into. ask them to please have a little trust; as the only way you will truly grow up is to live and learn.
2007-10-26 16:17:28 · answer #7 · answered by LaKay p 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They have to stop helping him! Tell them exactly what you told us, they might not realize the effect it's having on you also. They need to be thankful that they have a daughter who isn't doing the things your brother is doing. Your brother might smarten up if he sees the better of the two, you, being treated better than him. Your parents probably feel that it's their job to help your brother, but at his age, he needs to figure things out for himself and realize that he's hurting his family. Perhaps you should suggest the whole family go to counseling.
2007-10-26 16:13:38 · answer #8 · answered by Perkymo 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
That is reall unfair to you..I mean your brothher doesnt even live with you guys!!! I would just continue to do what you are doing..pretty soon they'll start noticing that you are respectful and very responsible...dont be like your brother!!! your better than that...hope i helpled out..=)
2007-10-26 16:11:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your parents can stop enabling him. If he doesn't live there, why are they repairing his car, or is it their car? They should just stop "helping" him because it obiously isn't helping him grow up. There really isn't anything you can do. Just continue doing what you're doing. Good luck!
2007-10-26 16:10:41 · answer #10 · answered by Dee 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋