Is honesty ever a good excuse for saying nasty things?

Question

As in "I'm not being horrible, I'm just being honest - deal with it"

I ask this question because it's been said to me (rather aggressively) by someone and its also a phrase that I hear a lot on TV and in the media on crappy reality shows like Big Brother where people try to defend their own bitichiness by claiming their just honest.

I don't say it myself - if i couldnt see through it I wouldn't have asked the question would I?

Answer 1

I think honesty should be combined with integrity. I am someone who is very honest and straightforward but at no point do I feel like being nasty. I don't need to demean someone or put them down in order to express myself honestly. It's important not to confuse the value of being honest with the right to judge. It is very different and gives those of us that are honest a bad name.

Answer 2

Someone can be honest and still be tactful. There is a huge difference between using "honesty" as an excuse to be mean and using honesty as a way to let people know how you feel. In my opinion, the phrase "I am not being mean, just honest" should not exist...everyone should think how they would feel if the same thing was said to them (and think about it from a completely truthful perspective...none of that 'oh, it wouldn't bother me at all' stuff) and not say something if they have to put a disclaimer on it. The same thing can be said in a nicer way, always.

Answer 3

I'm really unsure as to whether your question is as it is placed and whether your statement of, 'I'm just being honest ~ deal with it,' is something that gets said by others, or is what you are saying as a get-out clause for having offend someone!

There are those individuals who need to Learn that there is a lot of difference between being Honest and 'Nasty or and Horrible'.

Some of the words that could replace these two are
Nasty ~ Mean Malicious: Vicious: Cruel: Malevolent: Wicked.

Horrible ~ Malevolent: Awful: Terrible: ~

A great deal depends on a varied set of criteria ~ as to the circumstances of the moment, and the How and the Why what it is that's actually said does get said.

Being honest does not give anyone the right nor the righteousness of anyone to simply trample upon the feelings of others.

Does being nasty ever need the excuse of honesty to hid in?

Sash.

Answer 4

Unsolicited, nasty remarks are mean spirited, destructive and childish. One thing they never are is honest. They are an opinion that nobody wanted. They are never designed to be helpful to anyone but the commenter. The goal is to manipulate someone by causing the reaction that they want. Either embarrassment, self-doubt or defensiveness or some other emotion. To pass them off as honesty is weak attempt to justify or disguise their motives. Ultimately, you are the only person who can control how you feel or react to anything, so never let this get to you or they win. This kind of tactic says a whole lot more about the person who said it then the person who received it. Always point that out, for the sake of honesty.

Answer 5

I think there are polite ways of telling someone that they are ugly or obnoxious without your being the same. It is called good manners.
I also believe that you should not use these things as a safety net, just to be able to be a nasty rotten "b-i-t-c-h".
Everyone has feelings and no one has the right to stomp on someone else's feelings, no matter who YOU are or who THEY are, it is not done in a polite civilized society.
If you do not like being called down for being a hateful malicious nasty old cow, then I would suggest , you stop acting like one.
As far as telling someone to deal with it, you might think how that feels when you are the one being dumped on instead.
There is never a Good Excuse for being just plain hateful.

I often wonder about kids who shoot other kids, like at Columbine. Maybe some delightful kid told these young men that "truth" about themselves, maybe this was their way to get someone back for being truthful. Two wrongs do not equal one right. Maybe these boys didn't want someone to be honest with them.

Answer 6

There is a time and place for honesty, even if it involves less than pleasant conveyance. The key is to know when and why to tell the real truth, and when and why to let it go. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself what good will realistically come of this? If the answer is unsubstantial, there is no reason to convey the unpleasantry in the first place. For instance, if you friend is wearing something unflattering, but you are already out, there is no reason to shatter her confidence by telling her the truth. She can't change now, so it won't do any good, but it will hurt her feelings. On the other hand, if she is going out for a date, and she runs it by you at her place, speak up (with class if possible) - it will be better for her to wear something else even if it is a pinch on her ego at the time. This is a shallow expample, but you get the idea.

Answer 7

Not really, there is an old saying:

Anyone who believes in total honesty should think of what their friends would say if they told the truth about their feelings for their friends kids

"I'm just being honest - deal with it" is just a way of trying to justify bullying

Answer 8

theres not excuse for someone be nasty or rude just to get an honest opinion across , its what u say and how u go about saying it to that person that matters to me , i have had those same words said to me and i didnt like it because it was said with attitude, and there are opinions that are better of left unspoken, but if its someone that really cares about u im sure they would not go about it in that manner. anyone that talks to me that way only shows me that they dont give a s...t about my feelings ..

Answer 9

i think that what some people try and pass off as 'honesty' is just thinly vieled nastiness because they are jealous of they just want to put the boot in

if someone is feline the need to correct you FOR YOUR OWN GOOD then there will be something inside you that will realise that the benefits outweigh the initial sting

but there are those who just HAVE to butt in and hold forth when in reality it is none of their business - with these feel free to say ' so whats that to you?' in return.

Answer 10

Almost anything that needs to be said can be said in a way that will be of more help then hurt.
If someone needs to lose weight calling them fat or a pig is not helpful, if you tell them you are worried about the health affects would be better.