Son's first parent teacher conference did not go well and have some questions.?

Question

My son is three and a half and this is his first year of preschool. We had his first parent teacher conference. His teacher gave me this piece of paper with 100+ things that he should know how to do. Some of them included hoping on one foot, walk across a balance beam, awareness of group rules, hold a pencil, calm body, write first and last name, indicate number of phonemes in a word, days of the week, demonstrate book knowledge (author, editor). etc. Well he got a P grade on everything for progressing which means he doesn't quite know how to do these things. Is it normal for a school to be grading three year olds on this kind of stuff? I wasn't told anything positive just things that he couldn't do. The teacher was also concerened that he couldn't go down the twisty bar at the play ground? Should I be worried or is this a bit extreme? I did not feel good about this meeting at all. Please be honest are these normal things that three year olds should be doing?

Answer 1

I would think a "P" for progressing would be good for a three year old. Many of these tasks would be considered advanced for many three year olds. My little guy is 3, and he knows, oh, his colors, how to count from 1 to 10, can recognize about 15 letters, can spell his first name out loud (but not write it on paper). he JUST started hopping on two feet.
My neice is taking a tumbling class - she's going to be 4 in a few days - and the instructor was talking with the little girls in the class about colors. At the end of the class she approached my sister in law and said "I'm impressed - your daughter knows her colors already. She's the only one in the group who does."

Let me put it to you another way. I am a teacher. In my school, we rarely see kindergartners come into school with ANY book knowledge. It is a poorer school district, but even by first grade some of our students are still not recognizing all their letters and numbers. Expecting three year olds to understand author, editor, and other such concepts is reaching.......I'd be happy if a three year old knows that books are read from left to right, and understands that a book tells a story. It is most exciting to see three year olds "pretend read" because it means they understand the purpose of a book. Sadly, some 1st graders do not know this.

As far as being able to hop on one foot, walk across a balance beam, hold a pencil correctly, etc -- Dream On! That teacher's expectations are incredibly high. Sure, some three year olds may be able to do these things, but most are not yet capable. Also, physical development varies enormously in children during the preschool years. Three year olds can not skip, they can rarely gallop, many of them have difficulty pedaling a tricycle....
What would I expect a three year to be able to do? Hop up and down on two legs, follow a two step direction (put this in the garbage, THEN come back to the carpet), climb stairs alternating feet, descend stairs alternating feet (my little guy can't do either of these yet - we're working on it!), throw a ball with accuracy, and kick a ball (without accuracy). I would also expect him to do some self-help skills such as brush teeth, run a brush through his hair, dress self with some assistance (getting arms into holes, stepping into pants legs as they are held, pulling pants up) and undress himself independently- removing shoes, socks, shirt and pants. They should also be able to drink through both a straw and use a cup without a lid, they should be able to use eating utensils appropriately (spoon and fork)and they should be able to wash their hands without help.

He won't go down the twisty bar?! I had some first graders in my class that wouldn't attemtp the twisty bar! My three year old is still afraid to go down the slide on his own! My opinion -- your preschooler's teacher is living in la-la-land if she honestly thinks most three year olds are capable of such things!

Don't worry - little ones progress on their own schedule. I am sure that as long as there aren't any blaring problems, your little one is just fine and is progressing normally.

But I would still say a "P" is good - it means he isn't there yet (nor should he be!) - but he is moving towards those goals.

Answer 2

You shouldn't be worried and yes it is a bit extreem as your son is only three and a half.

However That does not mean there are not things you can do at home to help. Any time you can make a game out of a neccesary skill you will find rapid improvment.

As a swimming instructor I have to teach complicated skills to very young kids. We also create a list of skills need to progress to the next level. It can some times take years to learn those skills. So the technique the teacher is using is not unsual. However the fact that she didn't tell you anything positive about your son worries me and makes me wonder if you shouldn't find a different prek if you have the choice.

Good luck and remember most kids don't start kindergarten till they are five so if you son seems behind remember he may be younger than the other kids as well and that he has at least another year till he will enter kindergarten.

Answer 3

When I worked at a daycare we did something called COR's(child observation record), which was an evaluation to be sure the child was on track. We were always told to start out with the positives and then go into areas we were concerned about. There were certain things each age group was expected to be able to do, but it wasn't a check mark system, it was very thorough. We observed and documented specific examples of development.

A three year old child is not going to be able to write their first and last name(they do not have the small motor skills yet), same thing with holding a pencil properly. It is a shame that your child is being "graded" on these things.

Do not over stress on these things. There was a time when children were not expected to write their names, etc until first grade. Preschool and kindergarten were times to develop social and emotional skills.

If I could ask, what philosophy does your child's preschool use? If it is not a fit you may want to switch to something different. What I mean by philosophy, is the school Montessori, High Scope, etc? Every child is different and develops different. If you are looking for a school that does not force children to learn and allows them to grow though dramatic play, exploration, etc than you may like a school that follows a High Scope Philosphy.

Answer 4

I teach 4 and 5 year olds and yes that is pretty extreme for a three year old. That being said, I have to tell you that the focus is turning towards much higher expectations for the preschool set. We expect those general accomplishments to occur in the year before kindergarten . Gone are the days when kindergarten was the place where you played and learned to count to 25. Most kindergarten students in our district are expected to be reading by Christmas. The wonderful thing about little kids is that they are a clean slate and absorb vast amounts of information during the first 5 years. The focus should be on helping him to get there. I am hopeful that you are feeling better about what was said and that his teacher was able to convey that progressing means that he isn't there yet but that he is on the right track. Go back to his teacher and ask where she would place him among his 3 1/2 year old peers. does she see significant delays in speech, or motor skills? What can you do to help him learn what she expects him to know? She should be able to present you with examples of your sons work verses that of several other children in his peer group.Are you certain you have him in the best preschool for his style of learning? In defense of his teacher, I must say that the pressure is on all of us to send out high performance kids. Some kids are at the top , some are in the middle and some are at the bottom. That can turn on a dime though with the right teacher. You have to always be your childs best advocate. Take a look and see what you think about how he is measuring up. Children develop at different rates and as long as you see progress, I would not be very concerned . Most public school districts offer periodic screenings to preschool children who appear to be at risk. Call your local primary school and ask when the next one will be. I'll bet he is nearer to the norm than not and if you are still concerned, take him to the pediatrician. You should be able to get an unbiased opinion from them.

Answer 5

Ask what the teacher sees as your child's strengths and weaknesses -- and be prepared to be surprised at some of the answers. THEN ask what you need to be doing at home. You have now established that you respect the teacher's point of view and are prepared to be supportive. This is the time to get more specific -- I like the questions proposed in other answers. here's the question every parent should ask her/himself in regard to a parent-teacher conference: WHAT PART OF THIS DISCUSSION IS SUPPOSED TO MAKE THE TEACHER WANT TO BE ESPECIALLY HELPFUL TO MY CHILD? No matter how good -- or bad -- a teacher is, it is hard to be completely fair to a child whose parent is abusive to the teacher, and hard not to be just a little bit nicer to the kid whose parent is supportive and kind. This does not mean you have to agree with the teacher, nor that you can't complain about things you think are wrong. It just means that shouting or making accusations is not the way to get what you want -- the best possible classroom environment for your child. (I'll never forget the parent whose first words to me were, "Why do you hate my child?" I thought her child was really neat, a free-thinker, great mind, fun to teach. She also happened to be 13 years old and therefore prone to putting a negative spin on school in general, perfectly normal and not to be taken too seriously. I got along great with the kid, but found it very hard to take tthe mother seriously.)

Answer 6

I was reading at 2 and a half, as were all my siblings (except my handicapped brother), and all my nieces and nephews, of which there are many. So should a 3 and a half year old be able to do the things on the list? Yes. But should you worry that they can't... well not really. A lot of it has to do with body awareness. I promise you that if you take him out to the park (if you are a city dweller) or spend time with him playing in the yard, climbing trees, swinging, playing catch and so on... then he'll get these things in a matter of weeks. Seriously. If he doesn't, then you need to check with his pediatrician and see if he has any physical disabilities. But at his age, he should be able to at least count to twenty, write the abc's and identify his colors.

Answer 7

OMG you have got to be kidding right?
I am a teaching assistant in grades Kinder and grade 1.I can tell you that 90% of my kinder kids don't even know how to spell their lastnames.I think your childs teacher is beyond extreme.At 3 1/2 that is alot of things for a lil guy to know.Especially the book knowledge.I would have told the teacher right where to go and how to get there.I would not be worried if I were you.Now if your child was 5 and didnt know how to hold a pencil then I would be a bit worried.

Answer 8

I may be out of the norm of responses here, but I think that is completely over the top. These are kids and it makes me sad that in this day and age we have such high expectations for them. Making charts? Forcing twisty slide play? Looking for editor of a book? It makes me really sad. Kids learn through play, through trial and error, through interactions with their enviornment. It is a proven fact. With all this pressure to know it all, master it all, and be 'above' the rest, how can we expect our children to like learning, become problem-solvers for themselves, and enjoy the process of school. I would be seriously concerned that the teacher did not have anything positive to tell me about my child, who was obviously making progress (marked by the P's) in his skills. There should have been more encouragement and discussion about what was being done for FUN!

Answer 9

dont take it personally or freak out-
the teacher is (probably in your best intrest) taking her job very seriously-

the list consists of exercises that work on coordination-
which improves with playing : )
climbing, sliding, balancing, playing tag and learning games.

he's lucky to have you as a parent-
i would reccomend making a chart:

materials: $.99 poster board
cool stickers

make a list of all the things he 'should' be excelling at.
include a couple of your personal challenges and some of your son's "personal goals" (like

once he does them successfully, he can put a sticker accross from that challenge-
watch results on the next "report card" ; )
it'll b a great way for u to bond, lead him, and teach him about setting goals and feeling great about accomplishing them-

Answer 10

Don't worry so much about it. My son had those things too, but he picked him up the more he was around other kids. I didn't send him to daycare or anything so he wasn't around kids his age much. But now, he picks things up so easily. Just give him time to get used to it. I mean, you can be supportive to him and work on the things she said he needed to work on, but he'll catch on. I promise. All kids do!!

I hope this helps!!