I was adopted at 10 days old-should I go see my real mum?

Question

I thought I was the daughter of a Russia princess when I found I was adopted (age 6). Found out she lives in my town and I found her in the phone book and rang her when I was 26. She said she got rid of me cos her husband was coming home from jail and I wasn't his. That aside I had a wonderful life with my family. In my job I drive past her house and saw her coming out her door one day so I pulled up, went across and said who I was. She was pleased to see me, nice and said she's like to see me again. I said I would get in touch. This was maybe 2 years ago. I'm now 46 and she's well in her 80's. She's still alive cos her house hasn't changed. I never told my 'mum' I had anything to do with her. My kids said go see her else I would end up regretting it. What would you do?

She did the best for me by giving me away. I 'had' (he died) the best dad ever. My kids want to know 'where' they come from and meet her. My mother wouldn't mind-she knows I'm 'her' daughter. Did seem strange looking into the eyes of my birth mother when I think back.

I think I am lucky to be able to see or contact her. Until I was 24 I was like other adopted people-I didn't think I could ever find my roots-that feeling is terrible. As it turned, out my mum, the first time I asked 'do you know where I came from' said yes her name is ... and she lives ....She said..'well you never asked!'

Answer 1

if you need to ask you need to think about it some more...before you decide ........but, the downfall is that she isn't going to be around much longer, due to her age.

Answer 2

First tell you Mum you found your birth mother so that if she was to find out otherwise she might think you were hiding it from her. Tell your Mum that you would like to spend some time with your birthmother in order to learn more about your biological medical background, about the family that you didn't get to know. Tell her that she will always be your real mother but have a need to know your birthmother.

Then go spend some time with the woman. She had very personal reasons to give you up... and I am sure that she has always wondered how you turned out... I don't think you will ever regret spending time with her.

Answer 3

I would've said no... I'm very much of the opinion that your parents, your mum & dad, are the people that brought you up... they fed you, clothed you, taught you right from wrong, cared for you.
However, she's an elderly lady. You have discovered her at a point in her life which is (probably) very lonely. You could look upon it as visiting an elderly neighbour...
I don't know.... it's strange what a slant it puts on it when you discover who your mum is when she's 80 rather than 40, ya know??
Good luck, whatever you decide to do. :-)

Answer 4

I wouldnt know as I am not in your circumstances, you obvioulsy still think of her quite a bit and must have some degree of desire to meet her. Your kids are right, if she dies without you meeting her you will regret it but ultimatly you need to come to terms with your feelings towards her before you meet her, and understand what you want from her and decide what she can and cant offer, its never going to be predictable but it will be a new experience, just make sure you have yourself a support network set out for you whatever you decide.

Answer 5

I do agree that it's your choice but your kids also have a good point. She's well into her 80s, meaning she's probably very wise, but doesn't have too many years left. Your adoptive mom will have to accept that you came from another mother and you have love for her too. She sounds like a caring person who was in a tight situation. I hope you make the right choice (whatever it is) and God Bless!

Answer 6

On reading your question, my instincts are that you would like to make further contact with your birth mother. Your children should certainly get to meet their biological grandmother. You say she is in her 80s, and is happy to have communication with you. Go for it, life is uncertain, and if anything happens to her without you making a move, you will always regret it. It's too late when someone dies, you have to do what you have to do when they are alive.

Answer 7

It really is your desision, but i think you should tell your adoptive mum youre in touch with your real mum. If your children know then they have a good chance of telling "nan" youve been in contact with her, and its better if you tell her yourself. How do you know what she'll say? Only time can tell.
I wish you and your family the best and hope whatever choice you make will turn out well! x

Answer 8

Well, she is your birth mother. I think it would be nice to get to sit down and speak with her. But if you are possibly harboring negative feelings towards her, then go into the meeting cautiously as this may make the meeting turn bad quickly for both sides.

Answer 9

i think of the photograph theory of you and her at the same time or purely you by myself is a huge theory. the actuality you call her MUM shows you somewhat have a particular courting and purely making or determining to purchase her a card that asserts "chuffed mothers day MUM" could thrill her to bits. Its mind-blowing to pay attention a superb foster Care tale from a Foster new child. Thankyou you're a genuine theory.

Answer 10

i am adopted too i was adopted about 10 days old or less and when im 16 im going to see my birth parents im 14 by the way and i think your kids are right becuase if you dont go and see her then you may regret it hope this helps you

Answer 11

You may as well go see her as she won't be around for too much longer.At least you will have known some things about your birth mother and you won't have to wonder after she is gone.You know who raised you and loved you now get to know your birth mom as she may have regrets too Good Luck