What is the best joke you ever heard?

Question

Please keep it clean.

Answer 1

what do u get when u mix holy water with castor oil?
a religious movement.


What was the first thing Adam said to Eve?
Stand back....I dont know how big this thing gets:)

Answer 2

YOU WILL LAUGH .. lol

funny things to do in an elevator

1) When there"s only one other person in the elevator, tap them
on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn"t you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock.
Smile,and goback for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for otherpeople, but
push the wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone
and ask if they know what floor your on.
5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend.
After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Gregg. How"s your day
been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to
pick it up,then scream,That"s mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever
anyone gets on,ask if they have an apointment.
9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone
gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It"s okay, don"t
panic, they open again!"
15) Swat at flies that don"t exist.
16) Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.
17) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering,
18) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
19) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in
horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away
slowly.
20) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
21) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope
22) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button
23) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a
while, then anounce, "I have new socks on".
24) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and
anounce to the othr passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"

NOW YOU WILL VOTE AS BEST ANSWER ...... lol j/k

Answer 3

Short joke?

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

or you prefer long joke?

A husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.

As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground .

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The Policeman, thinks I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence..."

Answer 4

The funniest joke I heard wouldn't qualify, so I'll tell you this one:

A duck walks into a bar. He asks the bartender if he has any grapes. The bartender says no & the duck walks out.

The next day, the duck walks back in & asks the bartender if he has any grapes. The bartender, annoyed, says "NO!" The duck walks out.

The third day, the duck walks in & asks the same question. The bartender says, " I didn't have any grapes yesterday, I don't have any today and I won't have any tomorrow! If you come in here & ask me that again, I'll nail your feet to the bar!"

The next day, the duck comes in & asks the bartender, "Do you have any nails?" The bartender says, "No." So the duck asks, "Do you have any grapes?"

Answer 5

What did the dtoplight say to the streetlight?
Don't look, Im changing!!!

One day, a person walked to their house and found a rabbit. He asked the rabbit what he was doing in his house. The rabbit sprawled out on the couch and asked, "This is Westinghouse, isn't it?" "Yes, it is," The man replied.

"Well, don't you see? Im westing"

One day, a girl asked Zeus what a million years was to him. He replied, "A million years is like a second to me." She then asked, "How much is a million dollars to you?" He then replied with, "A million dollars is like a penny to me!"

The girl was feeling daring, so she asked, "Zeus, can I have one of your pennies?" "Sure!" Zeus replied, "Just give me a second."



I liked those ones I hope you do too!!!! Happy Hunting!!!

Answer 6

wow that guy finn is hilarious....cant stop laughing, almost had a seizure