mother of 1, is wrong for me to not want anymore children?

Question

i always wanted more than one but now that i have my 1 i can't imagine having to share my love. i don't want to be one of those mothers who has a favorite.

Answer 1

It's your choice to have 1 child, none or more. It's a decision you and your partner make together. You should know though that as much as you love your child, I doubt you would love a second child any less. Ask any mother of more than one child if she loves one child more than the other. I doubt you'll find anyone who will say that. They may see more of themselves in one, but I highly doubt any parent loves one child more than any other.

Marianne

Answer 2

Nothing wrong with having one child. However there are some things to consider.

Only children do not develope the social bug like other children. There is social situations they do not get to experiance until school arrives and they are in for a rude awaking when they find out the world does not revolve around them and this can be very disheartning.

Just so you know with every child there is more love. I have four boys and one on the way. Each child has his own place in my heart and each is my favorite in one way or the other. They are each diffrent and I have a diffrent connection with each. My oldest is very artistic and musicly inclinded I love to look at his drawings and go see him perform. The next inline is very athletic and I love to go to games to watch him play, he has scouts showing up at football and basketball games. My twins are "special" and slower than their brothers, but they connect in a diffrent way. Shawn (Baby A) has the most vivid imagination and can make up the most amazing stuff. Patrick (Baby B) is so determined and trys so hard at everything he attemps. New baby, I don't know what it will do, but I know we are all excited and can not wait.

Remember children are a wonderful blessing from our Heavenly Father. Enjoy them, love them and don't let anyones opinion influance you on more or no more. This is your and your honeys dession. Loving someone so much you can not immagine loving another is not wrong, sweet and only a mother could realy understand. I just don't want you to think a second (or fifth) will not take away the love you have for that little one.

Answer 3

I felt like that when i had just 1 child, and i have seen mothers have favourites, but i realised mothers who have favs do not love their children in the right way to start with. I have a 7 year age gap btween my children and when my second came along it was life changing all over again, even for my 1st child, he was bowled over and they are great friends and have deep love n respect for each other- i'd top myself before i would choose 1 of them over the other, so if the only reason you don't want another is bcos you dont think you cld love another child of yours, it could be the wrong decision. I know it's a worry , but a mothers true love doesn't have favourites,. But in answer to your Q - 1 is fine, 2 is great - 3 - i dont know about that - Yet ! LOL - **

Answer 4

Honestly, I felt the EXACT same way that you did after my son was born. I had previously always wanted at least 3 children before I gave birth to my son. Afterwards, I could not ever loving anything or anyone more than my little boy and felt that if I did ever have another child, I would be a horrible mother for not loving the other the same way. Me and my husband got pregnant again though, and gave birth to another little boy! Now my boys are 3 and 2 and me and my husband do not love one any more than the other. Some how having another makes your love multiply... you do not take from one to give to another and one doesn't get more than another. Just think of those feelings that you have for your little child and imagine another one just exactly like him, you would love them both the same, wouldn't you?! If you chose to not have another child, base that decision on finances, or your health, or your work situation, or something like that... not on your love, because afterwards you will realize how silly you were being, believe me!-- I did! Good luck either way!

Answer 5

There's nothing wrong with only wanting one child, but if that's because you are worried about loving one more than another, or sharing your love, then don't worry!
You will love each child equally, but in different ways, as they will be different people!
It may seem impossible to love any other person as much as you do your first, but it will happen!
As a loving mother you will not show favouritism, even if one is better than another at something, ie sport, etc.
The only exception to this is Postnatal Depression, or Baby Blues. This is a hormonal imbalance that affects a lot of women and is easily rectified with treatment, especially if done sooner rather than being left a while!
Good luck whatever you decide!

Answer 6

FROM A KIDS POINT OF VIEW [I am 14]:

CONS:
I do get pretty lonely sometimes, being an only child and all.
Sometimes I think if that something were to happen to my parents, I would have no one to share the pain with. Making it 10 times worse. My friends who have siblings around their age seem to all have more friends than I do, because of that circle ya know?

PROS:
I guess, that I just never have to worry about who my parents love "more"
There's no sibling rivalry.

The thing is, my mom is a child carer, and we have kids from dawn to dusk at our house constantly. So when I speak, I don'y have the best perspective of an only child, but well enough to know what hurts, what doesn't. Also, this is only from your kid's viewpoint, so maybe you should talk to a friend or your spouse.

Answer 7

You didn't say how old your child is. As your child gets older, you may feel the urge for another baby, or you may begin to see the benefits for your child to have a sibling.

I have two children six years apart. My son was quite a handful, and I honestly don't think I could have handled two of them in diapers at the same time, or even both of them all day without one in school. I feel the same way about having three that you feel about two--since I have one boy and one girl it is easier for me to treat them individually yet fairly, and they are so different in age, personality, etc. that I don't find it hard at all to love them both completely yet according to their needs and uniqueness. If I'd had two boys or two girls or if there was one in the middle that didn't have at least some time being the only child at home, it might be harder to be fair. If you asked mine who was mom's favorite on any given day, they might say they were or the other was depending on the current circumstances, but that's just kids being kids--they both know I love them with all my heart. Love isn't divided between two kids, it is multiplied, because it comes back to you and it also flows between the two of them.

You may also need to think about the advantages for the child to learn social skills, sharing, etc. My younger child was much better at this than my oldest because from the time she got here, she began to learn that the whole world didn't revolve just around her.

Later on, when your child is grown, if you were to be in bad health or pass away, your child might appreciate having the support of a sibling to help make difficult decisions, assist with care, and just to lean on in times of trouble.

Some people swear by having only children, but as I former preschool teacher I will tell you that I can usually spot them a mile off before I ever look at their records and determine the family structure. Quite a few of them are spoiled or less adept at making and keeping friends and getting along with others in social settings.

Those are some long-term things to think about to see if that gives you more perspective on this.

Answer 8

I use to feel that way, when I only had one kid, and I thought I wasn't capable of loving any other children the way I loved my first one. Well I have had two more since, they were surprises, and anyways, I have more than enough love to go around. You are not wrong in feeling this way, if you choose to only have one you are justified in your feelings, I am only sharing my experience with you, to give you some light on the other side of it. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 9

Having more than one child doesnt constitute a favorite as long as you treat all the children equally. Whether you want anymore is a decision that's entirely your own and you also want to make sure that it's also the choice your spouse or partner is ok with as well.

Answer 10

I never thought of stopping at one, I have always wanted three. I currently have two and don't think I want another one. I see the time that I don't get to spend with my eldest and I see how I miss little things with my baby. Don't get me wrong, I love having both of them but I can truthfully say right now I don't want a third. It is best for you to be upfront with yourself about parenting. Things may change in five years but don't rush into anything because you feel obligated, just pour all your love into that little dumpling!