Would this bother you?

Question

My husband's youngest sister came to live with us who was 19. While wiating for her VISA to be approved I fixed up the extra bed room. I asked her what color she wanted it and she said a light pink. So I painted it and baught a nice queen size bed and night stands and mounted a nice tv on the wall with DVD player and everything and I even got her a beautiful NAUTICA bed room suite. It looked great. I put an alarm clock and pictures and everything, making it real comfy. I even put a desk in there for her to study at b/c she was to start school.

So she gets her VISA and comes and is really excited about her room. Well two days later I came hom from work and piled up on my bed was all the stuff she didnt want in her room. I had gone to American eagle and just got her a few pairs of jeans and shirts and she piled pictures, rugs, the DESK!!! and some clothes on my bed and said she didnt want them.
Would you be offended? Would you be angry? I felt she wasnt grateful!

Ok, she came from Mexico (this little house w/ concrete floors and never even had a bed) so this was new for her. She kept 1/2 the clothes I got her and said the other's were not her style and could she just have the money instead. I gave her so much b/c she did so well in school and had even been accepted to a University. So I was proud of her. She worked hard.

She had no style in clothes. She was living in Mexico poor! I did talk to her over the phone and she said she didnt care what she had as long as it was new clothes because she had never had new clothes.

I talked to her a lot about the room and clothes. She said she didnt care what I got b/c she has never had her own room or her bed. She was like "Just surprise me." But I stuck with the pink theme because of what she liked.

Answer 1

You should be offended. You decorated the room and even though it is her's temporarily, after she leaves, it is still your room. If she wants to add her personal touch thats fine, but going as far as taking all the stuff she doesn't like and dumping it in your room isn't cool. After all the effort you put into decorating and setting up the room, even if she hated it, she should smile and thank you. If she wants her own stuff, she should get her own place. Might sound a bit harsh but leaving the way things are and thanking you for it is the least she can do. After all, you are letting her live in your home, sponsoring her for a Visa and, by the sounds of it, taking care of her until she does move on. I would be offended and yes, she is ungrateful!

Answer 2

Personally, I wouldn't be offended if the room wasn't her taste and she didn't care for the decor. And I think it was a bit presumptuous of you to go and put pictures on the walls w/o her being here to pick things out. I mean, I have a guest room and people who stay there have to deal w/ it being decorated to my style, but you did fix this room up w/ her in mind. She should have had some input beyond choosing a paint color over the phone.

BUT I think it's unacceptable for her to go and pile things on your bed. Especially furniture for crying out loud! I think you needto have a talk with her and let her know where the boundaries are. It is your house and if you want the room the way you decorated it, then she has to deal. If, on the other hand, you're willing to let her have more leeway then tell her what she can and can't do. For me, furniture would pretty much have to stay put but she could redo the rugs and pictures and maybe even bedding. You want her to feel comfotable, but she needs to know she can't run the place.

Answer 3

I'd be pissed! She has no business changing the room in YOUR home without asking you. Granted, that she is going to be living with you and should have some choice in what her room is like, but she was very rude in the way she did it. Putting the DESK on your bed was uncalled-for, if nothing else.

I will say that I think it would have been good if you had consulted her about more than just the color, or had waited until she arrived to buy things.

I would say that you all need to sit down and have a talk about how things are going to be immediately, before this gets out of hand. Sounds like she is going to be there for a while, and if she is young, she needs to understand your ground rules.

Answer 4

..... ya know theres to sides to the story, ungrateful yes, but she also is showing the signs of being very immature. She is 19, and no adult i know would ever do something so dis tasteful.

However i would sit her down and tell her that you felt a little bit disrespected, but dont tell her in a angry mood. Remember she has the mind of a child and she would probly interpret anger as you trying to be her mommy. Just tell her that it hurt yer feelings, but u dont mind moving the stuff out, and maybe u can go out together and take back some of the stuff u bought her then go otu and buy to together.

I think she just needs a well balanced adult role model and friend =). Shes gotta learn to grow up and be respectful some how, so why not have a adult friend show her the way by giving a passive example.

Answer 5

That's the problem when you want to be so nice to people: it is hard for them to really see the effort you made for them, therefore they don't feel grateful to you.
It is true, she acted like a brat, but did you ask her opinion about the Nautica bedroom suite, the desk, the pictures, the clothes, before buying them? I know your intention was the best, but unfortunately, not all people know how to be grateful when you try your best to make them feel comfortable at your home.
I'd say you should not be angry about this, because you cannot gain anything from feeling terrible about it, but that doesn't mean that your sister-in-law is entitles to whatever she feels like in your home. Be nice but clear about the rules and what you expect from her, and if she doesn't like your rules, to bad, she should be looking for some other place to live.

Answer 6

I would be really offended. However, there is a lesson here... Dont buy too much for guests even if they are foreign family. Next time, provide a FEW essentials and pretties that every woman likes, i.e. fresh linens, some smelly soaps, fresh flowers, little chocolates, a pretty bracelet or hair clips, makeup... Then if you want to do more offer a gift card to a local store and offer to take them shopping or at least drop them off and pick them up. Also, FYI teens of any culture tend to be very picky w/ few social graces so dont be too offended.

Answer 7

You should find out the reason why she rejected your stuff. Maybe she feels ashamed that you thought she needed all of it and doesn't want to be seen as a charity case. Maybe she doesn't like material things and thinks you didn't have to go through the trouble of getting all of those things for her. OR she could just be really rude and in that case just take your stuff back but don't give her any money. You offered her a lot of good stuff and if she's ungrateful than she shouldn't deserve anything else from you.

Answer 8

What awful manners!!

I'd be pissed as heck!!

That's just straight-out RUDE. Especially coming from a 19 year old who is living in YOUR house. A person that age should know better. I mean, she put the DESK in your room? That is just gross and tacky, tacky.

I don't really know how I would react in that situation. I can tell you I would NOT be happy about it. I mean, it is YOUR home and she has no right to be that way. The clothes....eh, maybe, I mean....that's still rude BUT.....FURNITURE that's in YOUR home, rugs, etc.... that's not up to her, anyway.

Have you talked to your husband? What does he think? Maybe you should have him talk with her and tell her how rude she was, how ungrateful....and that she really hurt your feelings and offended you by doing those things when you REALLY went ALL OUT to welcome her to your home.

The furniture should definitely be put back into the room.

Best of luck to you. <3

Answer 9

I'd tell her if she didn't like how you decorated then she is free to leave and find her own place. You have every right to be angry.

You went far beyond what I would ever expect of someone who was already letting me stay with them.

Of course it could be a culture thing too. You did say she was from a different country but didn't specify. Maybe it's normal where she's from. Even if that's the case she should respect the fact she is a visitor and should have asked you before she made changes.

Answer 10

Oh my goodness... even if she was ten this would be totally unacceptable behavior !! Okay, so what you bought looked great to you, it was obviously too " girly" for her. We can understand that .

But, she is 19 and should full well understand that you had nothing but good intentions and had worked very hard to make her feel at home. And I would sit her sassy, disrespectful butt down and tell her that exactly... and if your husband has even a small backbone , he will be beside you and will also have a talk with her about how to show appreciation. This young woman needs to give you a heartfelt apology.