I have no paternal instincts. Will something kick in when I have kids?

Question

I should elaborate:

I do get strong protective instincts when it comes to animals but when I see children swearing and fighting on the bus, or hear about the rates of bullying, I just can't see why they are so appealing.

Dogs never lie or deceive, kids do.

Answer 1

I bet we'd be friends.

I always figured I'd be a really motherly figure, but the older I get the opposite seems to be more true. It's gotten to the point where I definitely don't want kids. (Before I wanted kids, but didn't know if I'd have them). When I'm around kids I feel NOTHING, whereas when I'm around my dogs I feel a love stronger than words can describe.

There doesn't seem to be a "stage" that would make it all worthwhile...and adolescence (the WORST stage) lasts the longest.

People say it's different when it's your own kids, but I just don't feel any of the maternal urge that everyone else seems to feel.

So I don't think it's unnatural what you're feeling right now, although if you had kids you'd probably feel differently. (I'm set on avoiding that situation, however).

Answer 2

It could very well change when it's your child. That's often the case.

Keep in mind, not all children do all those things, and you're only seeing them after they've had time to grow into that little monster. They're fully trained by that time.

With your child, though, you get to start with a clean slate. Raise them right from day one, and they won't be like those kids who fight and swear and stuff. It's not a given that kids are that way.

Along the same lines, you get to deal with certain things early on, which is kind of a training course in a way. It's not like you wake up one morning and there is this full-blown 11-yr-old brat that you can't handle. It starts out as sweet, and not all that difficult to deal with. By the time the defiance and stuff kicks in, you've already got a year or two, at least, of parenting experience, so you can handle things better as they happen.

But you know, there's no real way to tell if you will have paternal instincts kick in immediately, or even at all. Sometimes they don't, and if that's the case, you should definately not have children.

Answer 3

I have never had a maternal bone in my body - love kids, couldn't eat a whole one has always been my philosophy, closely followed by the more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

I have an 11 year old and now terminally ill dog whom I have loved and cared for since he was 6 weeks old. I also have a 4 week old (and very much unplanned!!) baby girl who I will protect and care for with every thing I have. Until 4 weeks ago I had never even held a baby and hadn't ever wanted to either. After 36 hours of labour I was handed my daughter and my whole world shifted, it's really bizarre - I still dislike other peoples kids immensely tho!!

I'm now caring for a newborn and a sick dog and sometimes I'm in tears when they both need my attention at the same time, but they both deserve the best I can give so that's what they get.

I never thought I'd roll out the cliche, but oh boy is it different when they're your own!!!! And if you find it doesn't work for you there's always Ebay!!!!:)

Answer 4

I had the whole "this area is under quarrentine" when other people would ask me to baby sit....i liked children but didn't have that "natural" desire as some people do.....i was even having a lot to do with children taking classes in craft etc.

One day, i met my husband and we had a beautiful baby girl. Then another.... now, i understand the insticts people talk about and try to capture on the baby comercials. Falling in love with your child is something you can't describe until the moment arrives for yourself. For some, the bond develops over time and doesn't just "happen" straight away. People are different. That's what makes us special.

Answer 5

I felt the exact same way and in fact six months before I became pregnant for the first time I was convinced that having kids was not for me...but ooops there I was pregnant and everything just sorta fell into place. I learned so much in nine months of being pregnant. My husband also felt as if he had no paternal instincts but he also in the nine months adjusted really well. It all depends on the person and mind set.

Answer 6

I had a white German Shepherd, Kris. Loved that dog. Trained it, bathed, got it shots, fed it the best food (even bought horse meet to feed it, from time to time).

I had a daughter and gave the damn dog away. I didn't want even one small flea to land near my child. Never regretted the the absence of the animal.

If you love and protect a dog you will go nuts with YOUR child. When they look like you it is all different.

Now, the kids on the bus that are ill-behaved? Their parents are idiots. My children NEVER acted poorly. I TAUGHT THEM HOW TO BE HUMANS IN CIVIL SOCIETY. Just as I taught my dog how to not bit people.

It's a cop-out to say what you said. You have parental instincts you just don't have a child.

Answer 7

Some people just don't have paternal or maternal instincts or the desire to have children. Just be sure you want them before having them. Don't count on the birth of a child to make your paternal instincts kick in. There is nothing sadder than an unwanted child.

Answer 8

Well, wasn't going to answer, but well I disagree wtih the whole dogs don't have soul/spirit thing. Of course they do! I resent some lunatic saying they don't.
Also, I'm expecting and I feel the same way as you do. I have no idea what to expect or know anything about babies. I have held a baby once many many years ago preteen and it weed on me! Great memory!!!! So, well, don't really know what to say except I'm sure everything will click into place. After all the pain I will have to go thru, it would want to!

Answer 9

no longer surely everyone seems to be born with paternal instincts, some replace whilst they become older and others never have it even whilst they have young ones. Parenting does not come organic to surely everyone, years in the past surely everyone became predicted to have young ones whether they did no longer want them, now its own decision. i discover it it lots greater durable to tolerate different peoples chidren than my own yet then you definitely do grow to be biased. a minimum of animals can not answer back

Answer 10

You will love your children more than your pets.

Dogs never lie or deceive, kids do, it's true BUT they don't make you proud like kids, dogs give a temporary pride and joy but kids?? they are you, part of you, your DNA, your future, your love. You were a kid before, do your parents compare you to their pets???

Kids can change you, to be a much better person, at least for them, they value you as their elder, they admire when you are taking care of them and they love you because they need you. Your dogs cannot talk back to you or exchange mind with you or hugs you and just simply hold your hands because they need you.

I hope you'll stop comparing human babies with lil puppies because kids have soul and spirit, dogs don't, they only have one of them. Even the habitat is different. Another thing, babies smell soooo goo od and dogs (excuse me) lick themselves. Ah, I can go on, but I guess you should thank your parents who chose you over dogs.