Is this fair for a step dad to do?

Question

If u want u can check my profile and see that i have an as* of a step dad, i want to know if this is fair. I am on house arrest, for some reasons and My mom and step dad (who came in july of this year) sat me down cause i don't go to school cause house arrest and they told me in november, when its over, i am going to a cathloic school, is that even fair?? My mom would never do that to me. Since him i changed, i was never an all a student, or antyhing, but since him i do one bad thing, he's like totally pis*ed at me. He brought 4 of his kids, and i have 3 older brothers, and they r all like crazy. Since my step dad i've, gotten my nose pierced, had sex, smoked pot, house arrest, cut myself, gotten like 3 detentions in september, and everyone hates me, including myself, but he just DRIVES ME CRAZY. I'm 16 and have gotten into trouble alot because if i did 1 small thing wroung like a dention, he would like kill me! It's not fair I have a family, i don't need him or his kids. IS IT FAIR?

Answer 1

i would feel awful in ur situation. if i ever had a step dad i would hate it. its not an easy thing when parents start dating or even get married. i dont think its fair your mom married again when YOUR the one who should be gewtting married in a few years.. its a disgrace, no one should be getting married twice,

going to a catholic school maybe a good idea for you, its gonna bea peacful place to learn and aybe you'll get into a good college and stop doing bad things. no eally, STOP DOING BAD THINGS. the punishment theygave u is fair enough, my parents would do it to me even if i did ONE of the things u did. and i dont have any step parents, they're blood.

Answer 2

It may not be fair but hopefully they are doing it for the right reasons. Perhaps a new start in a new school where no one knows you and you don't have a reputation to live up to or to live down too, would be more helpful than you realize.
Also I would suggest you talking with your Mom about all these bad changes since your Mom has remarried. Certainly she has noticed the downhill slide. Talk with her about how your step dad affects you and why you feel the marriage is responsible for it.
Also just for yourself, you've got to quit doing hurtful and destructive things. It isn't hurting your Mom and Dad, it is hurting you ultimately. Be the person you want to be and need to be. Do what you know is best for you no matter about anyone else. Being a child won't last forever and you will grow up and be able to do as you please. Meanwhile, take care of yourself.

Answer 3

well Taylor......its not his fault you did these things. It sounds like you are trying to get attention and unfortunately, being bad gets you attention......not the attention you deserve or want, but attention.....just the same.

If you are on house arrest.....you didn't just do "one bad thing". It doesn't work that way.

So while everything you are going through TOTALLY SUCKS.........you have two choices.

1) continue the way you are going and possibly screw up your WHOLE LIFE. A life that hasn't really began yet cuz you're still a kid....if you're 16........you have ONLY TWO YEARS to deal with this as* (your words)...it'll fly by

2) make a decision to look forward. Let him send you to a private school........(those can, actually, be pretty fun. Catholic kids are not all that innocent and most of them feel the same way you do about being there.) Know that in 2 years (seems like a long time, but isn't).....your life can begin.... you will be an adult and you can do what you want, when you want.

The decision REALLY is up to you!!

Good luck

Answer 4

It sounds like you are more than half the problem.

How is it that having a step-father is forcing you to do all these things? He is not doing them to you, you are doing them to yourself.

You need to answer the question of why are you doing this?

Do you want the attention? - Bad behavior forces attention, but it is not the sort that you want. Talk to you parents about setting some goals that you can achieve, but that you will need to work for. And then what will they do if you achieve them.

Do you object to having a new father usurp the position of your old one? I'm sorry, but that is life, it is not something that you can change so you must come to terms with it.

Are you angry at having to share your house with instant siblings? Again, this is not something you can affect. Talk to your parents (That means talk, not argue) Try to find some workable rules that will allow you all to cohabit. Try to get some personal space defined and enforced for yourself.

Do not hate yourself. You are definitely stuck with yourself. Do not hate your parents, they are the only ones you have (unless your mum is working her way though a series of step fathers, in which case you need to talk to her.)

All sorts of people will drive you crazy in life. You are the one that needs to deal with that and get over it. It is not just your step family, my kids seem to go out of the way to wind each other up, they are just trying to assert control over situations.

Finally you need to decide if you are going to make something of your life or not. I am sorry to say that your writing and structure is worse than my 12 year old daughter's. A private school may be a good idea in the long run. If Catholic school is an anathema to you, then find a local private school that you can relate to and go to your parents with that as an alternative.

Self destructive behavior is not the answer, it will only hurt you and those who love you. It can be hard to see beyond the frustrations of the now, but you must do your best. Set a target of being constructive for a week rather than destructive. Hopefully that can kick start a positive feedback cycles rather than the negativity that you have now.

At 16 you are soon to be considered an adult. You really need to learn how to act like one quickly. You need to drop the victim mentality and take what control of your life that you can. No one can do this for you. However, if you need help, seek it out. Student councilors, your principal, your parents, whomever you need to help you, but the actual change must come from within you.

Realize that no one has 100% control over their life. The universe happens, it will affect you in unknown ways. The mark of a successful adult is how they plan for and cope with the events in life for which they have no control.


Good luck and I hope that you can find a place in this universe where you can be happy, at least most of the time.

Answer 5

Where's your Father ? what's his reaction to any of this ?
What does your Mother think of you with all your misfortunes...?
I think you were the one who was in charge, until the "STEP DAD" came into your home. Your mother is trying to make both ends meet.... Get along!!! She may have depended on you in the past too much. And, you don't like another person taking over where you were en-charge for the longest time.
Yes! It is a hard issue between Step Dad and You. Because, you made it an issue the first time you met him. Ease up on your Mother.... She's entitled to happiness...even if it's not with your father.
As for you messing up in School, that's all your choosing.... No one else, but you. You make choices in School, you make the grades.... If you mess up! You alone suffer the consequences. If that means punishment... So be it. He is only trying to make you a better person. You don't see it now, But, in the long run... you will.
Sit down with him... Talk it out with him...Chances are he maybe a nicer person than you think. After all, your Mother married him, she must think he cares for all you kids, encluding his own.
Remember, hating him only makes things unbearable between you,your Mother, your Step Dad and the Kids....Tention between relationships makes people choose the wrong words, actions, and the wrong responses to any problem that may come along.
Sounds to me, your a spoiled child that wants all the attention on himself, no one else.

Answer 6

Tyler sounds to me like you are not taking any type of responsibility for your actions at all and putting all the blame on this step dad of yours. Fact of life is that your mother obviously loves this man and has decided that she wants to spend the rest of her life with him and is happy with this decision. Just because things aren't as they were before he was on the scene doesn't make it alright for you to try and justify your actions. You stated you are a 16 year old but write a question like a 6 year old and blame, blame, blame everyone for all that you have done. Well little girl you may someday realize that what he and your mother are attempting to do for you is what they feel is in your best interest. You may not agree with some of these decisions, or any of them for that matter, but fact is that they are the adults and will make the decisions. Take a good look in the mirror and see if maybe some of the fingers on your hand should be pointing in your direction and not just at your mom or stepfather for some of your choices and actions. Growing up is tough but parenting is just as dam tough. I hope that when you are a parent later in your life that some of these things do not come back to haunght you. Karma has a long and very good memory and often does come back to bite our ****.

Answer 7

Wow, when I first read the first few sentences I was like that is so not fair! But after I kept on reading you do need to go there. You're pretty stupid to, with no common sense. A typical idiot. So you had sex and did drugs just to get back at your step dad, don't blame your mistakes and on others. You had choices. All you could think about was what to do to piss of your mom and step dad but you didn't think about how all that stuff could effect your life. You deserve w/e is coming your way, because you brought that to yourself. There are other ways to deal with your issues, making stupid decisions will get you no where. I understand how you feel but there are lots of other ways to deal with things. You can talk to your mom about how you feel, she'll listen you're her daughter and she loves you. I hope you open your eyes and learn from your own mistake.
Go to catholic school and find God.

Answer 8

Hmm!! sounds like your mom didn't ask you if you would like a "new" dad! and so you are ticked at both her and him!

You are in the 50% of the kids who live with a step parent!

Since there are now 8 kids in the house you are not the princess, correct?

the things you say you have done since he moved in are not good or nice.

How about trying to be fair yourself? Give him a fighting chance to be a friend?

Answer 9

Frustration beyond belief eh!! It's never easy for a kid to except another male into the equation!! I have been that other male stepping in twice now, and as i'm easy go lucky to a point i have not really had any problems, but thats only because i'm easy to get on with. God knows how i would have been as a kid under the circ's?? If it really is that bad then use this as a lesson to educate yourself and get the hell out of there???(best of luck mate)

Answer 10

I think that going to a Catholic School would be very good for you. Smoking is very bad for your lungs and it decreases your life span. Having sex just means that the NEXT time you have sex, you'll have a very large risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease, and giving it to your partner. Cutting yourself is not mentally and emotionally healthy. I think your mother and stepfather just want what is BEST for YOU, not themselves or anyone else. You need your stepdad. You need your family. Family is there when no one else is, even if they act like they dislike you. Your stepdad just wants to help you for your education, your future, your social life, etc. You will make plenty of friends and have a better life, but don't smoke, don't have sex, don't cut yourself, and don't get in trouble. There is no reason for those. If you are sad or depressed over yourself, I would suggest going to a doctor right away and telling him you feel unhappy, and you will get a prescription of Zoloft to help you. I would also suggest going to a therapist to keep from cutting yourself, etc. Hope this helps!!!! And please take all of my advice. Thank you!

Answer 11

very fair. You're rebelling because you don't like him and he is trying to keep you safe. Your mother has changed because she is probably finally getting the much needed backup to deal with your stubborn little butt.

if you want to complain about a step father, you'd better make sure he was worse than mine. And your step dad is a walk in the park compared to what I had to go through, especially considering I was a well-adjusted child with decent grades (usually got Bs or As maybe a C every now and then).