what do i do when things come to this?

Question

i'm so confused and i dont really know what to do. i'm currently in my longest relationship so far (my boyfriend and i have been dating for over 6 months), and i have been so in love. he's the first guy that has absolutely, 100% been there for me and hasnt made me feel like crap. i still love him and i cant imagine life without him, but lately little things he does have been getting on my nerves. these things are habits he has, ones that havent bothered me at all until now. also, when he's around my friends with me, i get even more agitated. none of them really like him, but when we're alone, i'm head-over-heels again. i dont want to lose him because it's like he's a part of me and i love him, but i feel awful acting so crabby all the time. should i try to be patient? should i break up with him? i dont know what to do. please help!

Answer 1

Perhaps you have quirks that irritate him, too. You're just now getting to really know each other better, and apparently the opinion of your friends is causing you to see him in a new light. This is unfair to him, you know.

Talk him and apologize for being so crabby. Explain what you've told us and that you're not sure why you feel as you do. See how he reacts. Maybe he'll be more conscious of when he does those irritating habits and not do them. Maybe he won't change at all. If the problem doesn't seem to fade, you should just probably be friends and save the romance for someone else.

Whatever you decide, don't string this guy along just so you won't be dateless.

Answer 2

Wow hard one.Depends one what his habits are and if you can live with them.If they are habits you can adjust to and don't mind,then try to talk to him about it.Remember it's a habit so he probably doesn't even realize he is doing it. In relationships we have to understand we all have habits and if we fall for someone that will have habits,the fact is,you have to determine are they livable and/or fixable habits.
Perhaps bring up these feelings to him gently and honestly.Let him understand how you feel as best you can without sounding mean or rude.It's hard,because you don't want to hurt their feelings,but whether you pointed it out or not,you have to say what's on your mind sit down with him and talk to him openly and lovingly. Let him know how much you love him and care for him and don't mention breaking up.Try to focus on the habits and how you feel about them,but remember you have habits just the same.Ask him if there are any habits that you might have that he feels annoyed or bothered about. Whether your friends like him or not is irrelevent.Your dating him,not them.
Now,if the habits are not livable and you have spoken to him about it and they are not fixable,then here is where the "big decision" comes in.You both have to see the problem and understand that if these are habits are going to come between you to and cause havoc then the both of you cannot be. Did you ever notice yourself to be bothered by other people who had habits you felt were annoying? Did you ever consider that perhaps your scared of your feelings for him since he is your real longest relationship? Did you look into these things? Maybe your finding things that are livable habits,but out of fear making them bigger then they are. It's scary being in a relationship. Sometimes we actually find things not to like about someone just so we can pull ourselves away from them. These are just some things to think about.
But whatever you do,be honest with him and open,do not play with his emotions or yours,don't break up with him to realize you miss him and love him so much that you can live with his habits or you were just scared. Look deep into this and make sure he is well aware of your feelings. Do not go into any decisions without being honest with him.He has a right to know and be serious this isn't a joke,you would want it the same if it were the other way around.

Answer 3

try and be more patient babe, and if he has any habits u dislike tell him when you two guys are alone and don't shout at him because that's the most demeaning thing you can do to any sensible guy especially if they make an effort. Im in a similar situation in my current relationship and most of the times i question myself whether im a nasty person to live with coz i do make the effort but my partner is very impatient and criticises everything i do and i feel like walking out but i dont av that option coz of the kids so i have to keep on trying to make it work.

Remember you haven't been going out for that long and it will take time to learn stuff about one another but communication is the best thing to resolve your situation. Good luck and hope this helps!!!!

Answer 4

First, you're in love with the idea of being in love. Six months is not very long in the grand scheme of a lifetime.

Dating is supposed to be tool to find out what you really want in a mate, long term. All these little irritations are your subconscience's way of telling you, this is not the right guy. So you know the next time around that these are qualities you definitely do not want in a guy. Eventually, by trial and error you will Know what you really want and need in a life partner.

Answer 5

Your past the puppy love stage and now your seeing him for the true him. it happens but you have to pick your battles to. If the habit is annoying enough to make you not want to be with him then leave but if you can ask him to maybe not do it so much or try to explain why it annoys you. But no offence 6 months is really not that long and you two still have a lot to learn about eachother. If your friend really don't like him ask why and if the reasons are dumb then tell them. Say I know you don't like him and that your looking out for me but let me decide what I want.

Answer 6

A couple of thoughts come to mind after reading your banter.

1. familiarity breeds contempt - as you REALLY get to know him (and he, you), the façade you both are wearing will begin to fade and you'll come face-to-face with the REAL person you are dating.
Either come to terms with life and accept the 'warts-and-all' part of him or move on.

2. you apparently have a very short history with the opposite sex.
Only six + months with this guy and you are sure you are "so in love"???
Sister - you got a lot more living to do before you even toss that word "love" around.

3. the agitation you mention concerns me. Sounds like you are very possessive, which means you are very immature and need to grow up. You can't control what other people think/do/say and if you plan on being with any one person for any length of time, you'll have to share them with the other people in his life.

As to whether you should stay with him or go, that is for you to decide.
You just need some time to grow up emotionally.

Answer 7

If you have to ask, Should I break up with him, then you dont really love him. As far as the habits. If you are going to be around some one, they are going to have habits that drive you crazy. Why do your friends not like him. Do they have good reason to not like him, or they up set that he doesn't treat you right, or should you be looking for new friends.

You made the statement that "he's the first guy that has absolutely, 100% been there for me and hasn't made me feel like crap. Sounds like to me you have the problem, he doesn't. Maybe you need to read your own question.,

Answer 8

You weren't specific. If he is a drug user...or an alcoholic in the making, or smokes like a chimney, then you might reconsider the relationship. But if the guy slurps his coffee or forgets himself and burps at inappropriate times, pull him over to the curb of life and be honest. Tell him what the heck is annoying you and why. Apologize for being crabby, but stress the fact that this small stuff is bugging you. If you do not do this, it will build up to the point where you start to think of him as a monster. Just talk, fix it, move on.

Answer 9

What kind of habits? Things that he could change if you talk to him, or things that may change over time? Is it just immature boy things? I'd wait a bit, maybe talk to him if you feel comfortable. Don't always go by what your friends think- if he is there for you then that is a lot better than you get with most guys. You say when you're alone you are happier- does he act different when you are with your friends or do you just feel different? Don't break up with him too hastily if you are happy, you may regret it. Good luck.

Answer 10

You are spending too much time with him....and if your friends dont like him....dont hang out with them so much with him around.......everyone gets on your nerves after a while it doesnt mean you break up with them, because when you get marreid down the road trust me........at some times they will drive you nuts and youc an either be "crabby" all the time.....or take a break from him and go out with just the girls........no one is perfect and if you break up with such a great guy because he annoys you from time to time you'd be making a big mistake.