My partner is travelling to his home the week before Christmas with his sister, her partner and their female friend. He'd only met this female friend a few times before and wanted to become better friends; therefore invited her to join. He didn't invite me because I have work and actually said that he wouldn't want me to come because two couples travelling together would leave her out. I don't mind him having friends but feel he is being disrespectful to me - or am I just being insecure? He says he's not trying to get her but says he enjoys talking to her on the phone and has sent her stuff by post as a joke-looking her address up on the internet. I think he's going overboard and it makes me both sad and leftout but he doesn't understand what's wrong with his actions. Am I being too fussy? Should he have freedom to do this?
2007-10-26 09:46:44 · 37 answers · asked by Princess Marianna 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Btw, my partner is the one who told ME that he didn't want me to come because if it were the 5 of us, it would leave the other girl left out. I think that is crap. (I live with my partner.)
2007-10-26 10:11:59 · update #1
It sounds like your "partner" is going on a double date.
Having friends is fine...but not if it makes the person you supposedly love...this uncomfortable.
It sounds to me like he's pursuing something ...perhaps less than innocent...
My husband has female friends and he does not talk to them on the phone all the time and certainly doesn't send them things by mail. That would make me HIGHLY suspicious.
Whether it's appropriate behavior or not...if it's making you this uncomfortable...then it's not right and it should stop.
****By the way...there is something to be said for "women's intuition"...if something doesn't "feel right" or it seems like something is "going on"....then it probably is....
Everytime I've had that feeling...the guy would tell me I'm being "paranoid" or "insecure" if I confronted him...but sure enough, a while down the road I'd find out that I had been right all along.
Trust your instincts...they're probably right.
Sorry.
****YOUR PARTNER is passing you up so the "FRIEND" won't be a fifth wheel????
That's BS, he's hoping to be alone with her...somewhere where he knows you won't be so he can't get caught...don't let him do it...Tell him that you're going on the trip because you don't want to be apart from him...and that you're bringing a male friend along with you as a date for the friend...if he's furious....then he's sleeping with her (or hoping to)...if he's happy and it becomes a triple date...then he's innocent.
Follow you instincts...if it looks like he's lying to you and it sounds like he's lying to you...then guess what...he's probably lying to you.
2007-10-26 09:53:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you wrong to feel uncertain about his interest in his sister's friend? Not necessarily - if he's talking to her on the phone and sending her things through the mail, he may in fact be interested in her. You may want to talk to him about this, depending on how serious you feel your own relationship is with him. That's up to you - it may be nothing more than he said it was.
However, it IS odd for him to tell you "This girl will feel left out if she has to travel with two couples, so I don't want YOU to come, Girlfriend." Why would he pick her over you? Why does it matter how she feels, if she is his sister's friend and YOU are the girlfriend?
On the other hand, you said you had to work anyway, so you're not really being left out... except that he SAID that about the other girl. Maybe he's just being insensitive.
I know this isn't the most helpful answer, but there are a few variables in your situation. Bottom line, I think you're right to feel that his comment was odd.
2007-10-26 10:07:41 · answer #2 · answered by Luscious G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I find his behavior wildly inappropriate. Why when he is in a relationship with you, he is sending gifts to other girls? Even as a joke? Now they are vacationing together while you stay home. It seems like a recipe for disaster. Where is this girl staying? At his parents house? Somewhere else. I think you should let him know you dont approve. However, he is probably going to go anyway if he already has the tickets. If he doesnt have the tickets, tell him if he goes you will break up with him. He can't have female friends that he doesnt know from before you met and he can't have his cake and eat it too.
2007-10-26 09:52:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
OK I have to say that you are in a sticky situation my dear. But if I were you I would talk to him and tell him how you feel. If he is truly your partner he would listen to you. He may be going a bit overboard with looking up her address, but over all being friends with someone is no problem. I most definitely agree that you should be cautious, If i were you I would be too. So just watch your back and make sure you don't get your heart broken girl! Just talk to him I'm sure everything will work out.
Best of luck -Avie-
2007-10-26 09:56:34 · answer #4 · answered by Avie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are and he's being insensitive at the same time. The problem is that you two don't have an open line of communication. First of all, it's just inappropriate for him to go on a trip with a single female when he's dating you regardless of their friendship. Alot of things happen in the name of friendship. Secondly, it's inappropriate to send things to a friend of the opposite sex, even as a joke, that could be misconstrued as feelings for her. If she isn't dating anyone, it could be very easy for her to read all this attention he's giving as genuine interest in her romantically. As for you, you shouldn't have said that he wouldn't want you to go because two couples travelling together would leave her out. Basically, you just gave him permission to take this trip with this other woman in that comment. You should tell him how you feel about this whole situation.
2007-10-26 09:55:07 · answer #5 · answered by Heavenly Advocate 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
From your question here and what you described here , I say hes interested in this lady friend more than hes leading on and your in denile of it or dont want to see the true side of it, Are you & your partner married or just living together or in seperate homes I think you have the right to be upset about this but Christmas is the 25th of December and today is October 26th and you better start finding out how close this women friend is to him cause you might be his doormat that hes wiping his feet on but Im only going by how you described him with this lady friend of his and hey you could always E-mail me and see how he feels about it.
2007-10-26 10:04:47 · answer #6 · answered by dugbug63 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see why you would be hurt. He told you he didn't want you to come with (for good reasons), but he should have asked you if you wanted to come.
He is paying attention to another girl, which is reason enough to have your feelings hurt.
Maybe he is going a little overboard with the letters and stuff, but, if it's just a joke, I don't see the harm in it.
Trust your man. Talk to him. Communication is the key, I can't stress it enough.
You should be telling him how you feel instead of yahoo answers.
Good luck!
2007-10-26 09:57:09 · answer #7 · answered by Kelly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He seems a little too invested in this girl already. You're not being fussy. Instead, take a week off from work and join them on that trip before Christmas. How strongly he objects to you being there will let you know how he REALLY feels.
2007-10-26 09:50:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should talk to your partner and tell him how you feel. Tell him that you need some assurance that he's not trying to get her. Try talking to her as well. Gradually get around to asking her what she thinks of your partner. I don't think you're being too fussy, You have a right to know if anything is going on.
2007-10-26 09:54:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no your not being fussy. It sounds to me like he wants to be alone with this girl. Yea its ok for them to have friends but if you,his girlfriend, wernt invited to go meet his parents for the holidays and she was....thats a little too much leeneancy. ide reel him back in because i can almost bet u he will end up making out with her and you dont want that..nobody does. Just let your feelings flow out to him and if he leaves *breakup* then he wasnt such a great guy after all
2007-10-26 09:52:49 · answer #10 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋