2007-10-26 09:08:42 · 8 answers · asked by patch11 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well, I have a step daughter who is 19. She's been in my life since she was 3 years old and here's how I handled our relationship. I never, ever, put down her mother in front of her. Never discussed things like child support, court issues, anything negative with her father, about her mom. I always supported her relationship with her mom and made sure she understood that in our house I was the mom. I made sure she knew that we had rules at our house and never instilled those rules at her other house, and never allowed mom to push her rules at our home. We were a family and she had her own room, clothes, toys, etc.
She was with us a lot when she was younger, every other weekend, twice a week, etc. As a family we never celebrated anything wtihout her. So if someone's birthday was Monday, we waited until visitation day to celebrate. We always made sure she felt like a permanent part of the family.
Her mom hates us and always put her thru hell for it, we would never push the issue with her and just told her that her mom loved her and just wasn't comfortable with us. But we never got her in the middle, well as best as possible.
Well then guess what? When she was 14, she asked to move in with us permanently and guess what else? She comes to me for everything. She and I are as close as two people can be. I know everything about her. It's a beautiful relationship and I love her. Mistakes she makes, bad choices, and all. I adore her and couldn't imagine my life without her.
Did it suck being a step mom? Yes. Her mom hated me so much that my step daughter had to pay the price for that. Plus you are third wheel sometimes. But she's worth it.
Remember, don't ever put her family down. Don't ever complain or miss visitation. Don't ever talk about child support. You will win in the long run. Trust me.
2007-10-26 14:32:05 · answer #1 · answered by oh_my_its_linda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think you need to try and be more of a friend than a Mother,which your not,as time goes on and if you's get along as a family then you's will form a stronger bond !!!
2007-10-27 05:59:23 · answer #2 · answered by Butch46 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My step-dad and I took a long time to get a nice relationship going. It had a lot to do with the fact he didn't really understand me, and didn't really take the time to talk or get to know me any better. Once he and my mom were married for a couple years, things got a lot better and I really do appreciate and love the relationship we have now.
All I can say, is try to talk and get to know her better. Don't be pushy and don't try to force it, but if you show genuine concern, she'll come around and you two could possibly end up with a great bond.
In all acutality, my bond with my step-dad has gotten better than mine with my own dad. Take time to appreciate her and to listen, and things will only get better.
2007-10-26 16:14:30 · answer #3 · answered by pd♥ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Without knowing her age, or how long you've known her, or the circumstances of her becoming your step-daughter, it's hard to say. Just, spend time with her, take her to places she likes - then talk about the things that both of you enjoyed together. It would probably help to do these things with her mom or dad present.
2007-10-26 16:13:55 · answer #4 · answered by Black Shades 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will form a strong bond eventually, but not alone, it requires a lot of efforts from your husband too.
Just the fact that you want to do it is wonderful!
2007-10-26 18:13:12 · answer #5 · answered by cloud7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her, do things together, make her feel like you are there for her. Be interested in what she likes to do. If she is into sports make sure you are at all of her games if she sings get her lessons and go to her recitals. Whatever it takes be a parent not a friend!
2007-10-26 16:27:46 · answer #6 · answered by teresa m 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for her. Do something with her that you do on your free time. I have a step-dad, used to not like him at all. The thing that got us closer was time and just hanging out with him when he watched sports/ movies/ played video games or just went out. We eventually got to talking comfortably and now he's replaced the dad who was never really there! ^ ^
2007-10-26 16:15:59 · answer #7 · answered by Ayleena 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
spend time with her, play with her, talk to her, listen to her, make her feel special and wanted and loved, be a friend, make her stuff that is meaningful like a picture or a photo album, go places together and make new memories. Have fun!
2007-10-26 16:14:27 · answer #8 · answered by shebangs 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋